


A Scattered Star

by Marlene1960



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Angst and Romance, F/F, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Requited Love, Unrequited Love, blackinnon, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marlene1960/pseuds/Marlene1960
Summary: A long, slow-burn fic about the Marauders from Sirius’ point of view. Starts in their fourth year and is highly revolving Wolfstar and James and Sirius’ friendship!I don't know how many chapters there will be but it will end on the 18th June, 1995.I do not support jkr and her disgusting views!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald & Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes & Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black/Sirius Black, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	1. Reunited

September 1st, 1974

Remus sat there, his head leaning back against his seat, in the same carriage he had taken for the last three years. He waited patiently for his friends, watching as younger students walked past, peering in to see if they had finally found an empty compartment. He closed his eyes, praying that the next full moon - which was in a weeks time - would be easier than the ones at home. 

“Alright, Moony?” said a smirking boy, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his hair pointing every which way. Remus’ eyes snapped open and he turned to face his fellow marauder. 

Returning the smirk, he replied, “I am now, ” 

“God, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were flirting with James!” Sirius Black elbowed James out of the way and took a seat opposite. “I don't know about you three, but I am particularly glad to be back this year and away for my shitshow of a family!” 

“I don't think anyone would pick their family over Hogwarts,” Peter said, while unwrapping his second chocolate frog. “Apart from James, of course.”

“Just because my family are better than all of yours, doesn't mean you should be rude about them!” He joked, forgetting that Remus and Sirius’ family lives were... unsatisfying. He noticed Sirius looking uncomfortable and instantly regret was written all over his face. A silent agreement was made to avoid all conversations revolving family. 

\---

After the terrific feast, the boys headed back to the common room. Remus was beyond happy when he saw his four other friends; he hurried over to them, scaring Mary to make his entrance causing her to jump nearly a foot out of her seat. 

“Remus!! You twat!” she hit him on the back of the head and then wrapped her arms around him for a short moment before Dorcas and Marlene pushed her out of their way to hug him too. 

“No hug, Lily?” he smirked, seeing her standing behind her chair with her mouth slightly open. 

“Come here then!” she said, embracing him in the tightest and biggest hug her had yet. “I missed you, wanker.”

“I missed you too.”

“Alright, alright, get away from our Remus!” Sirius interrupted, looking rather happy. “Seems like Evans here has a little crush.” her cheeks almost matched the colour of her hair, whereas James looked quite annoyed. 

“I do not have a crush on him. Anyway, Marls also hugged him and everyone knows you have a crush on her!” his smile faded and now he was the one blushing. “So, suck on that, Black.” and with that, she turned away and sat back at her table, burying her nose in her book again. 

“Wow, Evans, I'm impressed,” James said, but she ignored him. He sighed; everyone knew he had a fat crush on Lily and that she despised him and everything he did, but he still tried to get her attention. “C’mon Moony, let's play chess.” 

After three games - all won by Remus - everyone in the common room had gone to bed apart from Remus, Marlene, Dorcas and Sirius. 

“Care for a game of exploding snap, ladies?” Sirius strutted over to the girls who were whispering and giggling about something. 

“I will!! Dorcas will too!” Marlene smiled, dragging her friend by the hand and walking over to Remus. “You're playing too, aren't you, Remus?”

“No, I'm just setting the cards up for the fun of it, ” he said, sarcastically, not looking up. 

“Oh, how I've missed your sarcastic, snide little comments, darling” Dorcas sat down next to him, looking excited to know he was playing. “I swear you've grown an extra nine metres!”

“Three and a half inches, actually. The boys keep taking the piss out of me for it.”

“Well... I think they're jealous because sooner or later you'll be able to squash them with your foot without raising it higher than ten centimetres.” she smiled, clearly trying to make him laugh - which he did. 

“Oi, lovebirds, actually wanna play the game or do you wanna just keep flirting with each other?” Sirius hated when he wasn't the centre of attention, especially when it came to girls. He picked his pile of cards up, and the game began. 

\---

He couldn't sleep, Sirius had been tossing and turning for what felt like years. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of his mother and wicked cousin would appear, laughing at him. He sat up and began to read. Wow, I'm actually reading for pleasure; I'm turning into Remus he said to himself. He knew how boring this book was, which was the only reason he had chosen it. If I can't fall asleep naturally, surely this shite will help. And it did. He had fallen asleep within fifteen minutes of reading about the enchanted sky above the Great Hall. 

-

“You think breaking a family heirloom is funny!? You think that this priceless vase was worth nothing!? You think that you're going to get away with it, do you?? I think not!” he felt like a thousand needles were stabbing into his body as his mother stood over him.  
-  
“SIRIUS!!! DID YOU STEAL MY WEDDING RING??!!” 

“No! What would I do with that piece of tin?” 

“YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE---” the rest of the sentence was blurred out as he felt like someone was dragging a knife across his calf.  
-  
“Dad, I'm sorry! I was only in your study because I needed Kreacher!”

“Kreacher has never set foot in master’s office without master’s permission, Kreacher would never do such a thing.” the wrinkled house-elf defending. “Kreacher would never lie to his master.” 

“Sirius, I thought your mother showed you what happens when you lie. I have told you a million times that my study is strictly off bounds.” the stabbing pain happened again. It was quicker and not as strong as his mothers, but holy shit, it hurt. 

-

“Sirius? Wake up!” a calm, comforting voice pulled his curtains over. 

“James?”

“Nope, guess again, ” Remus smirked, still standing over Sirius.

“Remus? What's up?” 

“Move over, ” he tried to shove his half-asleep friend. 

“What? Er... Why?” 

“Scoot your stupid ass over, Black, ” 

“Er okay...” he moved over and Remus sat next to him. He searched his mind for something to say but it was usually James who comforted him after a nightmare. “Jus’ a nightmare, don't worry, I'm fine.” 

“If sweating like a pig means your fine, then I guess turning into a werewolf every month is fine too.” he laid down next to his friend, careful not to touch him. “Just go to sleep, Sirius.” it took Sirius nearly half an hour to fall asleep again but once he had, Remus crept back to his own bed, feeling slightly more uncomfortable than Sirius.


	2. Tough Planning

September 5th, 1974

Remus woke up, his head thumping like it always did after a full moon. He looked around, he was the only person in the infirmary apart from Madam Pomfrey who was reading a book in the corner. 

“Good Afternoon, Remus, ” she said, not looking up. She always knew when any of the students were awake, she’d know if I was awake even if she was asleep, Remus thought. 

“Afternoon. ‘Ow was the moon? I mean, did I break any bones this time?” his fingers and his left shoulder felt odd, he was certain he had fractured them. 

“Well, a dislocated shoulder and seven broken fingers. It's the roughest moon you have had in a long time, ” she stood up and quickly walked towards him. Placing her hand on his forehead, she asked, “how do you feel?”

“Like I jus’ transformed into a werewolf. Can I leave soon? I don't wanna miss my first day of lessons.” 

“Well, I'm sorry to inform you but you already have. You slept through an entire day.” 

“What?! Why didn't you wake me up? What about my work?” she bent down and picked up three books, she passed them to him and headed towards her office. He began reading his first book: The Unforgivable Curses. 

After finishing the first book in a short amount of time (he spent his entire summer reading and had already read most of the book) he noticed a small note hanging out of the second one. 

𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺,

𝘞𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘨𝘦𝘦𝘬.  
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘹𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯...

-𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴

He smiled, he had missed everything about his friends. He’d missed the castle, the magic, the creatures, the classes and - strangely - the infirmary. The only thing he wanted was to never leave this beautiful castle. He sighed and got back to his reading

\---

Madam Pomfrey gently shook Remus awake. She told him that he could go back to his dorm and get some rest. He headed up to his dorm, embracing the castle just as he did every September. “Rugitus” he enunciated to the portrait and stepped inside the warm common room. He saw all of his friends sat by the fire - apart from Lily who was sat at her usual desk. 

“Alright, care to tell me about this ‘plan’?” he said, sitting in a scarlet armchair. 

“Remus! How are you?” Mary asked, spinning rapidly around on the floor. 

“Peachy. Now, enlighten me on this wonderful plan you intend on pulling tomorrow,” he smirked, putting his hands behind his head. 

“No need to sound like Dumbledore, Moony,” Peter smirked, digging into Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans “Well, Sirius had an idea that we could--”

“Oi, Pete, I'm telling it!” Sirius cut in, bouncing with excitement, “so, while I was locked in my room during summer, I decided to do a little research for some pranks...” 

“Sirius actually did some reading, can you believe it?” Marlene giggled before being hit by a slightly annoyed Sirius. 

“I’ll continue, shall I? Anyway, I read about a bunch of spells in some ancient book my uncle Alphard gave to me a few years back. Little did I know, my second favourite relative had hidden a letter in there, full of amazing spells for pranks!!”

“Well, what are they?” Mary asked, looking incredibly intrigued by his story, “you have told everyone apart from Remus and I, so hurry up.”

“Yes, yes; Mary’s always grumpy when it's ‘that time of the month’” this snide comment resulted in a thump from both Mary and Marlene, who were blushing. “All of the spells were interesting and I think they will come in great use to us later on, but one really stood out. A spell that shaves all your hair off for twelve hours!”

“Imagine Snivellus without all his luscious locks of hair! The greasy git will look hilarious!” James explained with a smile spread from ear to ear. “I can't wait to see the look on his--”

“What are you all planning?” Lily asked, but by the look on her face, it was clear she had heard most of the conversation already. When nobody answered, she said “we aren't eleven years old anymore, you know. I thought you all would've grown out of your silly little pranks. Dorcas, Remus... I expected better.” she turned on her heel and stomped upstairs to her dorm. 

Dorcas’ mouth fell open; Lily and never said anything like that to her or Remus before. She hadn't encouraged the prank at all, yet she felt partly responsible for what they were planning. 

He felt sick but Remus knew that Lily was just in a mood and that she’d be fine again by tomorrow. He hated disappointing people more than anything. 

“What about me? Does she not expect better of me?” Marlene said grumpily, looking around at everyone's shocked faces. 

“Well, everyone knows they cannot expect better from me, ” said Mary, trying to lighten the mood (and failing)

“As much as I don't want Lils to be in a mind with me, seeing Snivellus bald seems a lot more fun,” Remus smirked, trying to push the feeling of guilt away and focus on this epic prank. 

“Wait, so you're in?” Remus looked up at Sirius, both their eyes filled with excitement and nodded. “That leaves... Lily and Dorcas. Well, there's no way Lily would help. Dorc, what about you?”

“Um...” She looked around, six pairs of eyes were waiting for her to answer, “sure. I haven't joined in a prank since our second year” they all cheered, knowing that they should get to work as soon as possible. 

They said good night and headed to their dorms. Once inside, the boys took their turns in the bathroom. After nearly half an hour, they were finally in bed. 

“Did you bring the letter, Sirius?” Peter asked, sitting up. 

“What do you think I am? Stupid?” the three other exchanged looks and Sirius quickly added, “don't answer that. Of course I brought it!”

“Okay, we’ll study it religiously tomorrow. If I don't get at least ten hours sleep, I'll be grumpier than James after Quidditch is cancelled.” Remus closed his curtains, exhausted. He fell asleep almost instantly. 

\---

September 9th, 1974

“So, the prank will take place tonight. The boys and I will sneak out around midnight with the trusty invisibility cloak and make Snivellus look stunning!” Sirius explained to the three girls at lunch. “If it works, he'll be hairless until midday.”

“Wait, how do you know it won't go terribly wrong?” Dorcas asked, trying to make sure Lily couldn't hear them. 

“Well, we tried it on a few cats. It worked on a second year's cat so it should work on him, ” said James, snickering. 

“In case you forgot, Potter, you made James cry once you turned his cat into a Sphinx Cat because you were too scared to try it on one of your friends.” Lily snapped, once again hearing the entire conversation. “I really don't think you should do it. We’re only in our fourth year, it could go really bad, ” 

“So, if we were in our seventh year you would be all for it?” Remus said, looking rather annoyed with Lily acting like she's head girl once again. 

“No, that is 𝘯𝘰𝘵 what I'm saying and you know it, Remus. Sev is my friend!” she looked anxious for what she knew would happen to Snape later that night. 

“He’s your ‘friend’, is he?” Mary asked, matching Lily’s tone perfectly, “We all know what he thinks about muggleborns and half-bloods. He pushed me down the staircase last year because I'm a half-blood! He tried to curse Dorcas in front of you because she's muggleborn too. When are you going to understand, he is not a nice person?”

“He is! He told me that it had nothing to do with your blood! Leave him alone.” with that, she got up and stormed out of the Great Hall, leaving everyone shocked. 

“That was hot.” James grinned, still looking at Lily at the other end of the hall. He was punched by both Dorcas and Mary from either side of him. “What? It's true.”

“Anyway, I think it's gonna be pretty amazing.” Sirius perked up, rubbing his hands together in the way he always did when a prank was coming together. 

“Of course it will be, all of your pranks are. But, why did you need Mary, Dorcas and I to agree to do it?” Marlene questioned him, looking confused. 

“We don't want to get in too much trouble for this--” 

“So we will need an alibi--” James cut in, finishing his best friends sentence.

“And that's where you three come in. So you can--” Remus chipped in.

“Tell McGonagall that we were with you.” Peter finished, looking quite happy with himself to get his word in. 

“Sometimes when I'm talking to you four, it's almost as if you're all the same person,” Dorcas said. 

“We always finish each others...” James said, waiting for someone to end his sentence. 

“Sandwiches?” Peter asked, stuffing a chocolate cookie into his mouth. 

“No, Pete, no. Even though you do finish everyone's leftovers...” joked Sirius, making everyone laugh and nod in agreement. 

In the distance, the clock stroke one pm, and everyone headed off to their lessons. 

\--

11:45

"Are you guys ready?" Remus whispered to the three girls in the common room. 

"Ready is my middle name!" Mary chirped, looking extremely excited to have a part in this prank. 

“Shut up, you're middle name is literally Elizabeth.” Marlene hit her friend on the arm and giggled. 

“Okay, okay, so you know the pan, right?” Remus asked - as much as he loved doing pranks, getting told off always made him feel scarcely sick. 

“Yes; we stay in the common room until you return and we set out a bunch of books so it looks like we were all studying for the History test we have in a week.” Dorcas gestured over to the pile of books they'd picked out from the library. 

“Okay, we should be back in 30 minutes tops.” James grabbed his invisibility cloak and turned to the boys, “ready, lads?” the three of them nodded and wrapped themselves in the cloak. 

They tiptoed around the castle, squashed together underneath the cloak. They appeared outside the dungeon and Sirius whispered the password. 

“How did you know the password?” Peter whispered. 

“Reg can't remember shit so he wrote it down and left it in his robes. I stole it, knew it would come in ‘andy someday.” Sirius stepped inside, the other three incredibly close behind. 

They headed upstairs as into the Severus’ dormitory - they had snuck in there so many times, they knew it pretty well. They cautiously trudged over to his bed and cast the spell, enunciating every letter to make sure that it worked. After hushed arguments about whether or not to wait and see a result, the boys scurried out and down the stairs. Sirius shivered as they entered the chilled common room; thank God I wasn't put into this house, he thought, this would be unbearable. 

\--

They returned back to their common room, apologising for waking up the Fat Lady. Marlene and Dorcas were sat reading by the fire but Mary was fast asleep, stretched out over the dark red sofa. 

Marlene swivelled around, her eyes twinkling with excitement, “how did it go?!” she asked, almost jumping with joy. 

“How did what go?” Lily had appeared, standing at the top of the staircase, her arms folded. 

“Nothing, darling, go get your beauty sleep, ” James winked at her, which only seemed to infuriate her more. 

“There's no point pretending you didn't go through with the prank, even after I told you that it was a bad idea. It'll come back and bite you in the arse.” she walked down the stairs and sat in the armchair. “You shouldn't be so mean to Sev. I know he's been mean to you all but he's gone through stuff you wouldn't understand.” 

“Awww, poor Sevvy!” Sirius said sarcastically, sitting down next to Marlene on the floor. “I'm sure he has had such a tough life.”

“You're just a rich, spoilt, self-centred pure blood, Black. You don't care about anyone's problems but yourself. That's probably why your family hates you.” the moment the words came out of Lily’s mouth, she realised what she had said and regretted it instantly. “Sirius I'm--” 

“Eat. Shit.” he stood up and nearly ran up the stairs to his dorm. 

“That was really nice, Lily, great one,” Marlene said, looking mad at her friend for being so insensitive. 

“I expected better, Lily,” Remus said, matching her tone from the other day. He couldn't see why she was friends with such a horrible individual - no one could. 

“I’m sorry... I just hate how horrible you are to him!” tears stung her eyes as everyone stared at her, utterly disgusted. 

“What about how horrible you are to Sirius? Hmm?” James had never spoken to anyone like this, especially not Lily. “You honestly think that Snape is ‘so amazing’? Well, then that makes you just as bad as him.” James took off upstairs to go and co fort his best friend. 

Remus glared at Lily once more before heading upstairs. Peter had fallen asleep on the floor and Remus didn't have the energy to wake him up, Sirius needed him. 

“Come on, Dorcas, it's late.” Marlene stood up, gently shook Mary awake and then they headed upstairs. 

Lily was left in the common room, not completely sure what had just happened. She headed up to bed half an hour after the rest to make sure that they were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorc is a nickname for Dorcas (said: Dork)
> 
> I'm trying to get as many different pov’s as possible! I will try to upload a chapter a day but no promises!! <3


	3. Two Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some non-graphic sex, Sirius talking about his abuse (again, very little detail)

September 10th, 1974

When Remus woke up, all he could think about was Sirius and his home life. He had gone to sleep thinking about it and he woke up doing the same. He didn't know exactly what happened when Sirius went home to his family, he wondered if James knew or if Sirius kept that topic private. Sirius had never been very open with his friends, he would say that what happens during the time he is at the House Of Black should stay at the House Of Black. Remus couldn't blame him; Remus’ home life was quite unsatisfactory too but he always knew that, apart from bit being a werewolf, Sirius had it worse. 

“Sirius! Remus! Pete! Come on!!” James yelled, already dressed in his robes. Quidditch hadn't even begun yet, but James still got up as if it had. 

“Piss off.” Sirius groaned and pulled his duvet over his head. He didn't want to talk to anyone about what happened that night. 

“Don't you wanna see Snivellus looking like a middle-aged man?” he walked over to Remus and pulled his curtains open, he did the same to Peter and then Sirius. 

Peter had come up around four in the morning, his back still aching from sleeping on the common room floor. He didn't know what happened but decided it would be better not to ask in front of Sirius. 

They all got up and got dressed; Sirius chose to ignore everyone unless completely necessary. They headed down to the common room, Lily was at the desk - her nose buried in a muggle book she brought from home. She spun around looking at Sirius guiltily but he acted as if he hadn't seen her at all. 

Once in the Great Hall, they waited for Severus to come down but he didn't (which only made Sirius more irritated. However, Regulus kept glaring at the marauders as if he knew something was up. Sirius finished his breakfast as quick as he could and left to go to the Library. 

Severus hadn't come to their first or second class or at lunch; the boys knew something was up as he never misses Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts. But they were pulled into Professor McGonagall before History. 

“Mr Snape has been admitted to the infirmary this morning,” Sep said, her stern face staring down at them. “Would any of you care to guess why?”

“I don't know, Professor, ” Peter said, looking down so the woman couldn't see the guilt painted on his face. 

“Well, Mr Snape had woken up with hair growing rapidly out of his scalp, ears and nose. He has strong accusations that you four have been involved in this.”

“How could we? We don't know the Slytherin password and it would be impossible for us to walk around the castle at night.” James said, looking her dead in the eye just like he did every time they were found out. 

“That, Mr Potter, is what I said to him. However, he still believes that your four are to blame. I don't have any proof so--”

“You can't give us a bloody detention for something you can't prove we did!” Sirius barked, red in the face. 

“And so I shall not. But, I wanted to say that if I find you lying about not doing this, you'll find yourself in a week of detention with me, extra homework and a loss of house points. Am I understood?” the boys nodded and headed go their class. 

“Sirius, I thought you said it’d make him bald!” Peter whispered once they had left McGonagall’s office. 

“I must’ve done it wrong! Got mixed up somewhere, ” Sirius said, looking down.

“Well we still got ‘im, ” James said, grinning widely as they strolled to Potions.

\--

September 16th, 1974,

That night, Mary’s birthday party took place. Since she was so popular, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs we're invited too, the common room was packed. Remus and Sirius took care of the music, only playing the records Mary loves - which included mostly ABBA and Queen. For that night, Sirius decided that he would forget about what happened with Lily and have a great time with Mary. She had always been there for him, she was so kind and sweet, he owed it to her. 

James was still mad at Lily and for once, she was trying to talk to him and failing. He spent most of his time dancing and laughing with Mary, Dorcas and Marlene and was occasionally joined by the marauders. Although they were only thirteen, they still had a few alcoholic drinks. 

He had tried to stay positive that night, he really had, but sometimes the memories he wanted to blur out became clear once more. Sirius headed up to his dorm and dug out a pack of cigarettes from his trunk that he had stolen from his cousin, Narcissa. He sat on the window sill and smoke. He closed his eyes and thought about his home life. I should tell someone about what they do to me and how they treat me, he thought but the voice in his head telling him that no one cared and that he was alone was getting louder and louder. 

“Sirius?” 

He spun his head around and opened his eyes. Marlene was stood in the doorway smiling at him. She sat next to him and placed her hand on his thigh. 

“You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to but just know that so many people care and so many people love you. Please don't ever think you're--” he cut her off with a kiss. And she kissed him back. He wrapped his fingers in her hair and thought 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘦. 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬.

She pulled away first, they both smirked at each other and began kissing again. He moved his hands down and slowly unbuttoned her shirt and then his. He pulled away again and looked at her, she smiled and nodded implying that she was fine with it. He kissed her, harder this time. 

September 17th, 1974,

“You slept with Marlene!? Sirius, you aren't even fourteen, you tosser!” James laughed, completely shocked that Sirius was no longer a virgin. They were sat around the fire in the common room after James had got back from his Quidditch practise - trials were in a week but he still spent his mornings riding around the pitch. 

“You're just jealous someone wants to sleep with me!” Sirius joked, he and James made nearly everything into a competition but it was fun. He could never compete with Regulus because he was the ‘better child’. James was more of a brother to him than Regulus ever was. 

“Well, how was it?” Peter asked, resting his hands on his palms, intrigued to know. 

“Good... I mean it was great... it was amazing. Now I just need to get on the Quidditch team and this year will be pretty decent.” 

“You will, I'll make sure you do, after all, I am their star player, ” James boasted, holding the snitch he stole from the Quidditch shed. 

“Okay, I have to go and find Lily, ” Sirius stood up and headed to the door quick enough to avoid any questions from his friends. 

“Why would he go and see Lily?” James looked at Peter and Remus - who had been awfully quiet during the conversation - in confusion. 

“Beats me,” Remus said and stood up to get a book. 

\---

Sirius walked to the Library. They had a potions test tomorrow and he knew that she wouldn't be anywhere else. He entered and headed to the desk she always sat at and took a seat opposite her. 

Sirius was tired of ignoring his problems and hoping that they would go away if he didn't confront them; that had never worked, it only ever made it worse. He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell someone about the abuse he faces at home. But who would he tell? James, who was his best friend but would not know what to do either? Remus, who had bigger problems? McGonagall, who had only ever told him off? Dumbledore, who had enough on his mind with the wizarding war slowly starting? Lily would care. He knew that she would. Lily and Sirius had never been that close, but she still cared about him. She cared about everyone. 

“Sirius?” Lily blinked, not believing that Sirius had just sat with her. It took her a moment or two to process what to do or say. “Sirius... I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't have brought up your family. I didn't mean it, I'm really--”

“It's fine. I'm over it.” her mouth opened slightly as he said these words. If he wasn't there for an apology, what was he there for? “I just... I just need someone to talk to.” she nodded and closed her book. Lily cast a silencing charm around the desk after he had looked around nervously at the number of students near them. 

He told her everything that his family had done and said to him during the summer. He choked up a few times and cried for a bit. Sirius felt a massive weight lift off his shoulders, he felt calm and relieved as he spoke. 

After he finished, she was lost for words. She didn't know what to say. Telling him that ‘everything will be okay’ or ‘im here for you’ was something that everyone would say, she didn't want to say the same things anyone would say. He trusted her enough to tell her about this, she knew that it would have been exceedingly difficult for him to tell her. 

So she did the only thing she could think would make a difference. She hugged him. Tight and long. Wrapping her arms around his waist, letting him know she cared. 

“Thank you, ” was all he could manage to get out. She nodded against his chest. He knew, there and then, that this girl would always be there for him. 

\---

“Where have you two been?” Mary asked as Sirius and Lily approached everyone in the Great Hall. Marlene looked a little hurt and so did James. 

“The Library,” they said in unison. 

“Merlin, Sirius, you already slept with Marlene last night and now you're sneaking off with Lily? Can't say I'm not jealous!” Peter laughed until he realised everyone was glaring at him. “What?” 

“You and Marlene? Slept together?” Lily turn to look at him and he nodded. She laughed and turned to everyone again, “Sirius and I weren't doing anything, he just came to ask me about potions since I'm better than all of you.”

James scoffed, looked irritated at Sirius. “Sirius doesn't give two shits about potions; he hates it almost as much as he hates History.”

“You actually think Lily and I were snogging in the Library?” James nodded and everyone else kept quiet, looking quite uncomfortable. “As if, James. I know you would murder me with your bare hands if I did, plus she's your girl. 

“Excuse me, I am not his girl!” Lily snapped, putting a great deal of emphasis on the word ‘not’ and resting her hands on her hips. 

“Oh, that's right, sorry. You're Sevvy’s girl!” Sirius said mockingly, resulting in her kicking him in the shin. 

“So you're friends now?” Marlene asked, crossing her arms as Sirius and Lily finally sat down. They nodded and she said, “you've never been friends before; Lily despises you, she calls you names all the time!” 

“Well, we’re friends now.” Sirius grinned at Marlene and put his arm around her, “be my girlfriend, then, darling.” 

Marlene turned a dark shade of red and leant in to kiss him, “okay, dick face” she said, wrapping her arms around him. 

\---

November 3rd, 1974,

Sirius was woken up by James before the sun had even risen. It was his birthday, why did he have to get up this early? Quidditch practise was rescheduled for tomorrow morning so it couldn't have been that. 

“What do you want? It’s six in the fucking morning.” Sirius groaned turning away from James. 

“Happy Birthday, sunshine!! Now, time to get your old ass out of bed. Meet us at the Quidditch pitch in twenty minutes.” James walked out of the dorm leaving Sirius even more confused. 

Us? Who's ‘us’? Who was he meant to meet at the pitch? Everyone knew Sirius loved surprises but he thought that they agreed to have a party in the common room like every other year... 

He practically ran down to the pitch as it took him ten minutes go get out of bed and five to get ready. He felt like his hands were going to drop off and he was going to freeze to death. When he arrived, all he saw was the empty pitch. 

“Hello?” he called out, only half expecting an answer. 

All of a sudden, his seven best friends jumped out from the closest Gryffindor stand holding balloons, they yelled Happy Birthday to him. A smile spread across his entire face and he ran over to them. They went inside the stand and it was decorated with ribbons and even more balloons. In the corner stood a dark red and golden record player. He slowly walked over to it, amazed about where they got it. It was the same as the common room one but in different colours. On the side, it read ‘Sirius Black’. 

“Is this... You didn't have to! This is... amazing. “ he was so pleased he was struggling for words. He didn't care at that moment that his parents would never allow it to be brought into their house. All he cared about playing the first record he could lay his hands on. 

He grabbed David Bowie’s album ‘The Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars’ and played it, turning it up as loud as it would go. Andromeda had gotten it for him before he went off to his fourth year and he'd played it constantly in the common room ever since. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦´𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺  
𝘏𝘦´𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘶𝘴,  
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘩𝘦´𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴

Marlene walked over to Sirius and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Come on, you've got more presents to open!” 

He turned around to face everyone and noticed a small pile of presents on the floor. He sat down next to them and ripped into them. A few books from family members he didn't like, some quills from his parents and other boring things he didn't want. He looked up at his friends and smiled like a child on Christmas Day. 

“We know you haven't got a lot, mate, “ James avoided eye contact with Sirius - James always took pride in the presents he gave to people so when he didn't give someone many, he felt terrible. “but the record player was--” 

“Merlin, James, I ain't that spoilt! The record player is the best thing I have ever gotten!” Sirius jumped up and elbowed James. “Thanks, guys.” 

“Anytime, wanker” Remus smiled. 

November 3rd would always be one of the best days of their year because seeing Sirius full to the brim with joy was an amazing view. When Sirius was this happy, everybody else was; His energy and smile were contagious. 

\--

They were sat in the Great Hall laughing at how Peter managed to choke on his water when a few hundred owls swooped through, just above their heads. Two letters were dropped into Sirius’ lap; he tore it open, knowing that there were only two people who actually would care enough to send him letters: His uncle Alphard and Andromeda. 

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪,

𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺! 𝘠𝘰𝘶´𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯.! 𝘍𝘖𝘜𝘙𝘛𝘌𝘌𝘕!!!  
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦. 

𝘠𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘛𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦! 𝘐´𝘮 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥!!! 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶´𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵. 𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 (𝘸𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘵´𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘸𝘭.).

𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶´𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴!

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩.

𝘓𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦 + 𝘛𝘦𝘥 

𝘱.𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘪 𝘵𝘰 𝘙𝘦𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘴 

He smiled. He could not believe Andie was getting married! And he was going to be their best man! Although he was insanely happy for them, he couldn't help but think about how his family will take it. Ted was a muggle-born. He was also a Hufflepuff. Surely, this wouldn't go down well. 

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘞𝘰𝘸, 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳.  
𝘐´𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵! 

𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘐𝘳𝘮𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘹. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘐𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘉𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘪 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴.

-𝘜𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘈𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥

He smiled again. Although this letter was not as full of good news as Andromeda’s had, it still made him happy. He had been told that his talent from trouble-making was from his uncle. 

“Sirius, ” when he looked up, Regulus was stood staring at him, his dark grey eyes always seemed to be starting into his soul. 

“Need something?” Sirius didn't hate his brother as much as he pretended he did. But he hated how Regulus would stand there and watch his parents abuse him and not do anything. Regulus ‘kisses Walburga's arse’. 

“Happy Birthday, ” he said, his jaw clenched and stood as straight as he could. “Bella and Cissa want to meet later on the bridge.”

“Why?” instead of answering Regulus spun on his heel and left. Sirius looked at the others, Lily had a soft smile on her face which he knew was her way of silently comforting him. “This should be in’eresting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I said I am trying to be multiple different POV’s (and I still am) but I think for the time being I will focus mainly on Sirius and a bit of Remus! :)
> 
> A huge thank you to anyone who has read my fic! <3


	4. Bad News and an Even Worse Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor character death in this chapter!

November 3rd, 1974

9:30 PM

Sirius stepped through the portrait hole, his brain still trying desperately to work out what had happened on the bridge. He headed straight up to his dorm, ignoring Marlene when she called his name. He was in a great deal of shock. 

“How’d it go, mate?” James asked, jumping up as soon as the door opened, “what did they wanna talk about? Are you okay? Is Reg okay? Is everything okay?” 

“Merlin, James, give him chance to bloody breath!” Remus said, moving over so Sirius could sit down. 

“Um...” he was speechless - this was extremely rare, it was crystal clear something unpleasant had occurred. How could he tell them what happened if he didn't exactly know himself? “They said that mum had got in touch with them... and...”

“She got in touch with 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 but not you?” Peter asked, furrowing his brows. They were all confused, particularly Sirius. 

“Uh, yeah. They said that she had applied for a place in... Durmstrang...” he avoided eye contact with them and kept looking at his hands. 

James felt a lump in the back of his throat. He couldn't speak, he could barely breathe. This was the worst news he'd ever heard; surely, it could not be true. 

“She 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?!” Remus barked, standing up, “They can't! That's fucking ridiculous! This is bull shit, fucking bull shit!” he was yelling now, pacing the room as he did when he was angry and confused. The rage was clear in his face - this close to a full moon he looked slightly more like an 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭 when he was furious. 

“If I don't get my shit together and get good grades this year, I'll... I’ll be off to Russia.” he put his head in his hands. 

He felt like his world was falling apart. Hogwarts was his home, his friends were more like a family than them. They couldn't do this to him, it didn't feel possible. What had he done that was 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 bad this year? Apart from putting the spell on Snape, he had actually been quite good this year. He wanted to cry, he wanted to 𝘴𝘰 bad but being seen as ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’ was something he had been taught was wrong. He wanted to punch something, show any kind of physical violence. Sirius was torn between anger and distress.

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘮𝘶𝘮. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 all 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶, he thought. He hated his family so much; he hated them more than anything. From that moment forward, he decided that the boys sat with him now and the four girls downstairs were his family. 

“Well, we will just ‘ave to help you study then!” Peter smiled, trying to lighten the mood as always. 

“Don't think 𝘺𝘰𝘶 would be of great help, Pete.” Sirius smiled. 

“We shall do everything in our power to keep you here, Sirius Black,” Remus said, “You aren't free of us yet, bitch”

“I hope I'm never free of you lads,” Sirius said it in a mockingly, way but he knew it was one of the most truthful things he had ever said. 

“They're your family, how could they do this to you?” Remus raised the question no one else would. 

“They aren't my family, not anymore, ” he felt relieved. He would never be free of them but saying those words made him feel a great deal better. “James, you alright there, mate?” Sirius asked turning to the silent boy sitting cross-legged on the floor. 

James, who had been tight-lipped for a few minutes, nodded slowly. “You gotta focus for once.” he hissed. Realising how rude he sounded, he quickly apologised and said “sorry, I just... I don't know what I'll do if you leave.”

“I don't either. But, no need to get all sappy and soft, we’re big boys now.” Sirius smirked.

December 20th, 1974,

Remus returned from the infirmary with little to no injuries; he was excited to spend Chrismas at Hogwarts for the first time since their first year. The girls and Peter had gone home the day before and most of the school had done the same. Five Gryffindors (including James, Sirius and Remus) had the common room all to themselves. 

The air smelt of Christmas and winter, this was Sirius’ favourite time of year. He wasn't with his family - he was usually with the Potter’s - and everyone seemed more cheerful. 

They were playing exploding snap when an owl landing on the window sill, pecking at the window to be let in. James opened the window and took the letter from the owl’s leg carefully. Sirius’ name was written in perfect cursive calligraphy. He threw it to the boy who was currently sulking about losing to Remus - for the fifth time that evening. 

“What's this?” Sirius asked, staring at his name of the letter. 

“How would I know? It's addressed to you, tosser, ” James sat down again and started playing with Remus. 

Sirius tore it open, his hands shaking. He would know that handwriting anywhere: it was his mother’s. She never wrote to him unless it was something urgent (or to give him a howler).

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 

𝘐𝘳𝘮𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘈𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘹. 

𝘈𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘨𝘦.

𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘢 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬

His stomach plummeted, as he dropped the letter; his hands shaking even more now. He closed his eyes, praying that this was a dream. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘦´𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥, he thought. Alphard seemed to understand him in a particularly discrete way. His uncle would come and visit him during the summer and always gave the most spectacular birthday and Christmas presents. He kept his eyes closed, trying to think about how this could have happened. In the letter he received on his birthday, Alphard never mentioned that 𝘩𝘦 had dragon pox; but he did remember reading something about that disease being extremely contagious. Surely his uncle would have been more cautious when looking after Irma. 

Remus snatched the letter from the floor, finally catching sight of Sirius. He passed the letter to James and heard him gasp. “Alphard... Your uncle? He was the one who you mentioned being your second favourite relative, right?” 

James answered for Sirius, knowing that Sirius was in such surprise from this news. “Yes. He came to my house during Christmas in our first year... He was really nice actually.”

“I think I'm gonna got to bed, “ Sirius said. He stood up and left without another word. 

Sirius was quiet the next day. Not exactly avoiding Remus and James, but not spending as much time as he would have normally. That was how they spent the rest of their holiday. 

He felt different; more alone. He wanted Andie with him, she was the only family he truly had left. So he wrote her a letter, telling her how he felt, she would understand. They understood each other better than anyone else. 

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦,

𝘐´𝘮 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘜𝘯𝘭𝘤𝘦 𝘈𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥´𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩... 𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯´𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯. 

𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐𝘵´𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘶𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 (𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘱?). 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳.

𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘦𝘵? 𝘐´𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵!! 𝘏𝘰𝘸´𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘢? 

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴

𝘱.𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴! 𝘋𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘥 𝘉𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘦, 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘔𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘦𝘥 𝘡𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯? 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘵.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for this being so small, but a lot happens in the next chapter(s)!
> 
> Thank you to anyone who had read this fic! :)


	5. Bulbadox and Break-ups

January 19th, 1975,

Today Gryffindor was playing Slytherin. After the marauders had boosted the rivalry between the two houses, everyone knew this match would be troublesome. With James as their seeker, Sirius as their chaser and Marlene as their beater, surely this wouldn't go down well. 

Regulus had gotten a place on the Slytherin team as seeker that year. He was very small and very quick. Slytherin had beaten both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff already, but so had Gryffindor. 

Remus, Dorcas and Lily didn't care about the game but they were sat in the stands, getting up and cheering when Gryffindor won points. Peter and Mary 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 Quidditch; Mary tried for keeper that year but didn't get it and Peter was mainly interested in the studying side of it. He would pass Quidditch themed test in no time.

Sirius had an idea. It was great and would most likely guarantee them a win. However, if he wanted to stay at Hogwarts, putting Bulbadox powder in the Slytherin’s robes might not be the best idea. 

He told James his idea, but James refused to let Sirius do it. Yet, he said that 𝘩𝘦 would do it to “keep tiny Black out of trouble”. So early that morning, Sirius went to visit Remus in the infirmary and James headed off to the Slytherin Quidditch tent. 

James didn't have time to put it in 𝘢𝘭𝘭 the robes - as their captain, Emma Vanity, had come in to fly around the pitch before the game - but he got the ones that were closest to the tent’s entrance: their seeker (Regulus) and their beater (Carina Bole). He snuck out under the invisibility cloak and headed to the infirmary to meet Sirius and Remus. 

James sat down next to Sirius on the spare bed over to the left of Remus. Remus had dislocated his left wrist and it still hurt even though Madam Pomfrey had fixed it. When he woke up, Peter was walking inside the infirmary and James and Sirius we're having a hushed conversation. 

“Remus, ‘ow are ya, mate?” James asked after he finally caught a glimpse of Remus laying awake. 

“Wonderful, ” Remus said, sarcastically. He always answered sarcastically when someone asked him how he was - especially after a full moon. 

“Merlin’s balls, what happened to ya face, Moony?” Peter asked, alarmed by Remus’ new appearance.

“What?” Remus looked at Sirius and James who were both avoiding eye contact with him. “What happened?”

“You got a huge cut on your face, mate, ” Peter said, not understanding how bad this was for Remus. 

“What?” he said again, lifting his right hand to his face. He traced a long scab going from the centre of his right eye, over his nose and to the centre on his left cheek. How was he going to hide this? The scars on his body were easy to cover up, but one that ran over his entire face? It seemed impossible to do. 

“You're still beautiful, Moony, ” Sirius said smirking. “We can just say you got hit by the willow, people will believe that” 

“Yeah... You guys have Quidditch in twenty minutes, we better ‘ead down there.” Remus smiled, swinging his legs off the bed and standing up. He knew that he would be fine if the rumour about the willow hurting him got around. But what if someone already had their suspicions about him being a werewolf? 

\--

Remus, Lily, Dorcas, Mary and Peter were sat down in the stands, waiting for the game to begin. 

“Hey, what's up with Vanity?” Dorcas asked, noticing the Slytherin captain stomping over to Madam Hooch. “She seems really mad” 

“Merlin, what has Sirius done now?” Lily folded her arms keeping her eyes on the Slytherin team, trying desperately to figure out what happened. 

“Nothing, he would get sent to Durmstrang if he did, “ Remus said calmly. When the three girls whipped to look, he remembered Sirius asking them not to tell the girls. “Haha, just kidding!”

“Heh, you scared me there! We all know we couldn't live without Sirius, ” Mary said, smiling brightly. 

“We couldn't live without each other, that's a fact. We’re one, always, ” Dorcas told, still watching Vanity talk to Madam Hooch. 

“I could live without James asking me to be his girlfriend every day, ” Lily joked. Everyone knew they would get married one day, even if Lily would not admit it. 

“Why’re James and Sirius being called down? They were with me this morning, the couldn't have done anything!” Remus said, grabbing Peters binoculars and focusing them on Sirius and James. “What’s that on Bole and Regulus?” he passed the binoculars to Dorcas on his left. 

“They look like... Boils? How could they get boils?” She passed them onto Mary. 

“Bulbadox, ” Lily said, folding her arms again. “Bulbadox powder, it causes one to come up in boils. Completely harmless but pretty effective.”

“It wasn't Sirius or James, they were already in the hospital when I got there. There's no way they could've done that, ” Peter said, snatching his binoculars back. 

“Well, whoever did it just got the fucking match cancelled, ” Mary said, after watching Hooch put the Quaffle away. 

\---

“Sirius, did you do it?” Marlene asked when Sirius, James and her were heading back to the common room after a very unsuccessful game. 

“No! I already told you I didn't!” he began walking faster but was consequently followed by Marlene, “ask James if you don't believe.”

“He didn't do it, Marly, ” James backed him up, as he always would. Even if Sirius 𝘩𝘢𝘥 done it, James would back him up and say he hadn't. 

“Stay out of this, Potter. It's between me and Sirius, “ Marlene barked. James decided it would be a good idea if he walked slower than them and give them some space. But when the two stopped in the middle of a moving staircase, he had to go a much longer way around. 

“It was a bloody brilliant prank, I feel honoured that you thought I’d done it, love, ” Sirius said, mockingly. 

“If you didn't do it, who fucking did? James was talking to Natalie so it wasn't him, “ 

“Remus and Pete help with the pranks all the damn time! Merlin, Remus came up with some of our best ones. Just because me and James take the blame most of the time, doesn't mean that they don't bloody help!” 

“We were gonna win the game, I could feel it, but 𝘯𝘰. You and your pathetic little entourage had to go and mess it up.” 

Sirius scoffed, preparing himself for the argument to get larger. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳, 𝘪 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘯´𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, he thought. “You're fucking friends with ‘em; You and James are best friends. Now you're calling them pathetic? What kind of shit is this?”

She could feel her face getting redder, he was properly yelling now. Being rude about his friends was the 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 thing to do to Sirus; it made him angrier than anything. 

“Sirius, calm down, I just--” 

“Calm down? 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯? Fuck off, Marlene, you're a bitch, ” he spat. He turned on his heel and marched upstairs, leaving her speechless. 

As Marlene turned around to go and find James to apologise, she noticed a collection of students watching from both ended of the staircase. She shoved passed them and ran towards the girl's bathroom. 

January 27th, 1975,

“Can’t you and Marly make up? She's really sorry and didn't want it to go that far, ” Remus said, sitting cross-legged on Sirius’ bed while playing chess. “She cried in front of James and me yesterday, she 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 cries, Sirius.”

“I don't care. She was rude about you all, she called you 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤!!" 

“She didn't mean, she was mad about the game being cancelled. She really misses you, ” Remus said. He was not playing his turn until he agreed to make up with her but all Sirius did was shrug. “She loves you, ” 

Sirius felt his heart drop. No one had ever said they loved him before, he didn't know what to do. He was mad, of course. 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, he thought. But he didn't want to. It wasn't just because of the argument; he felt that it would be a lie. He cared about her so much and she needed to know the truth. But, how could he tell her? He couldn't just go up to her and tell her he didn't like her in that way. Their friendship might be ruined. But, he'd been dating her, did everyone expect him to love her? Was that how it worked? He had never thought about 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 Marlene, he just knew he liked hanging out with her; being the only one to have a girlfriend felt amazing, too. He had to tell her the truth, he owed it to her. 𝘚𝘩𝘦´𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩, the voice in his head that always told him to do the right thing seemed to be blocking out the voice telling him that he'd ruin their friendship completely. 

“Sirius!” Remus snapped his fingers in front of Sirius’ face, bringing him back into reality. “Did you hear me? I said she loves--”

“I heard... I need to go see ‘er, ” He stood up slowly and almost drifted to the door. 

He walked into the common room, thinking about what exactly he would say.

“Alright, mate? You look like you've seen a ghost, ” Peter said, reading a copy of 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘪𝘵. 

“Marls, can I talk to you for a second?” He said, extremely nervous. 

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵´𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯? He asked himself, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵´𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘱, he answered, walking towards to corner of the room with Marlene on his heel. 

“Remus said you love me, ” he explained, knowing that getting straight to the point would be best. She nodded with a big smile, which made his insides twist. “Listen, I love you too... As a friend.” 

Her smile faded. Did he come to tell her 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵? “Is that it then? You're breaking up with me?” he nodded, tears formatting in her dark blue eyes. “Guess we’re just friends then.” she stepped around him and walked to her dorm. 

She’d take a while to get over it, he was quite harsh but something inside him told him that they would 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 be friends. He just had to wait a while until he got his friend back, but he didn't mind.


	6. Physical Graffiti

February 27th, 1975,

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪,

𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭. 

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯´𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘦. 

𝘈𝘶𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵 12𝘵𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘔𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵! 𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘳!! 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴? 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘢´𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘦´𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺!!

𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘓𝘡 𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘺𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶´𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵!

𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 

𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦

Sirius read the letter multiple times. He loved Andie so much, she was like a mother and a sister to him. He didn't really like Led Zeppelin, but he played it anyway.   
After listening to the record, he had a great idea: to give it to Remus for his birthday. He buried it in the bottom of his trunk. 

“Sirius, you comin’ to Hogsmead with us?” James asked, causing Sirius to nearly jump out of his own skin. He nodded and grabbed the leather jacket that Andromeda had given to him during the last Summer. 

\--

“Can we go into Honeydukes? I wanna get some chocolate frogs, ” Dorcas said, pulling at James’ and Remus’ arms. 

“We can go there for free whenever we like, Dorc, ” James smiled, still letting his best friend pull him toward the shop. “There's a secret passage under that old statue that leads straight to the cellar, we go there all the time.”

“That's stealing, James, ” Lily said as they entered the fantastic sweets shop. 

“Its fine, Lils, James leaves a couple of galleons to pay for it, ” Remus said, picking out a few chocolate bars. 

“Yes, angel James would never break a law, “ Sirius teased, placing a hand on Remus’ shoulder to reach for the chocolate. “Unless it's a school rule...” he whispered, knowing that James wouldn't have wanted Sirius to make him seem bad in front of Lily (even though she already knew this). 

They paid for their sweets and headed to the viewing point of the Shrieking Shack. Remus felt his skin crawl as he saw it from this angle - he'd spent multiple full moons in that desolate house, everyone thought it was haunted but Remus knew that those howls were just him turning into an animal. Sirius, Remus, Dorcas and James sat on the grass while the others sat on a rock. 

“Sirius, what's in your pocket?” Marlene asked, pointing to Sirius’ left pocket in his robe. They were friends again but they weren't as close as they used to be. He missed her but it felt selfish all the same. 

“A map. I found it in the Library, I don't know why I kept it, “ he pushed it further inside his pocket, feeling embarrassed. He knew why he kept it: he wanted to jot down every secret passageway in the school. But he wanted to keep that to himself, to tell only the boys when it was finished. 

“Anyway, what d’you want for your birthday, Remus?” Mary asked, opening a liquorice wand. “A party? Like mine?”

“Nah, I want something small, only with the people I care about, ” he said, still looking at his book:𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤. “All of you, no one else. And no presents, please, I always feel bad ‘cause I can't ever give you any back.”

“Its fine, Moony, we won't,” Sirius said.

“Okay, James, what about you?” Dorcas questioned, hugging her knees close to her chest to keep her warm. 

“Fireworks,” he said, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Fireworks?” Peter asked, his mouth full. 

“Yup, fireworks. Big ones, at midnight, ” he stood up and said, “I've got a muggle studies test, wanna go study, Dorc?” she nodded and he stuck his hand out to help her up and they left. 

“What's going on between them?” Lily asked, still watching them walk away.

“Maybe he realised you hate him so he’s moved on? Or maybe they're dating? Or maybe they're just friends? Or maybe they're making you jealous? Or maybe it's none of your business?” Sirius said, laying down on the grass. 

“Just tell me, Black, ” she said, running her cold fingers through her auburn hair. 

“I thought you didn't like James giving you his undivided attention, ” Remus said, smirking. He gasped and turned to Sirius, “she's jealous!”

“I am 𝘯𝘰𝘵!” she said, “Dorcas is my best friend and I don't want her dating a rule-breaking twat!”

“Definitely jealous, ” Sirius said, shining his grin, that Sirius Black grin. “Did Sevvy break up with you?” he said, pouting sarcastically. 

She stood up and left without another word resulting in the others to burst out laughing. 

March 11th, 1974,

7:30 PM

Remus’ birthday fell on the day before a full moon. This meant that he was knackered and barely awake on his birthday. Since summer ‘74, he has been sleeping almost the entire day after the moon. His friends all knew that he would not have the energy to celebrate the day before or the day after. They were sat on and around Remus’ bed, waiting excitedly for him to return from the hospital. 

“So what're doing again?” Marlene asked, sat on the end of Remus’ bed. 

“Moony mentioned wanting to play truth or dare once; it's a muggle game, you ask someone to pick truth or dare and then whichever they pick you ask them either a question or a dare,” Lily said.

“I think we all know how to play Truth Or Dare, Lils, ” Mary said, her legs crossed on the cold wooden floor. 

“I don't, “ Marlene, Sirius and Petr said in unison.

“Me neither, ” James said laying over the boy's bed. “Being pure-blood an’ all you never play muggle games.” 

Dorcas opened her mouth to say something when the door opened and Remus staggered inside, trying not to put too much pressure on his right leg. 

“Happy Birthday!” they shouted, making the half-asleep boy jump nearly a foot off the floor and waking him up properly for the first time in almost two days. 

“Thanks, guys, ” he said, falling elegantly onto James’ unoccupied bed. 

“Come sit over here, Moony, ” Sirius said, pushing James violently off the bed. Remus stood up and sat on his bed next to an enthusiastic Sirius. “So, we’re playing question or dare!” 

“You mean 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 or dare?” Dorcas asked, only just containing her laughter at Sirius lack of knowledge on most things muggle related. 

“Same thing, ” he said, rolling his eyes. “Remus, you go first, ” 

“So you can understand the game?” Remus said tilting his head to the side to annoy Sirius slightly. 

“No, because it's your birthday; did you forget with all the sleeping you've been doing?” he said back, tilting his head too. 

“Whatever, hurry up!” Mary said, sitting now on Sirius’ bed. Mary, Marlene and Sirius were on Sirius’ bed and Peter, James and Dorcas were on James’ bed. 

"Okay, okay. Erm... Lily, truth or dare?” 

“Truth. I don't trust 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳 to give 𝘮𝘦 a dare, ” she said tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Okay, why're you friends with Sniv-- with Snape?” he asked. They all wanted to know, and it was about time someone actually asked her. 

“Because I grew up near him and he's kind, ” she said call, trying to keep her cool. “My turn! Um... Marlene, truth or dare?

“Truth!” 

“If you could do everything again, would you?” Lily asked.

“I think I'd love to relive some of the best things that have ever happened to me, but no I wouldn't. I'm perfectly happy with what I got,” she said. She turned to Dorcas and asked, “Truth or Dare?”

“Since no one else has done one yet, dare, ” 

“I dare you to kiss James, ” she grinned, glancing sideways at Lily to see if she was bothered.

Dorcas turned and pecked James on the lips. She smiled at everyone who had their mouths partly open. “Okay, Peter, Truth or Dare?”

“Uhh... Dare?” he said, looking nervous. 

“I dare you to go downstairs and kiss the first girl you see!” 

Peter went bright red but knew that he had to do the dare. He stood up and quickly walked down the marble staircase. As he reached the bottom, he bumped into Hestia Jones, a girl in the year below them. 

“Sorry, Peter, “ she smiled, trying to step around him. He stopped her and kissed her on the lips. She pushed him off and slapped him across the face. She said, “what the 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬, Pettigrew? You 𝘱𝘪𝘨!" she pushed past him and the others and headed to her dorm. 

“Merlin, that was priceless!” Sirius wheezed, clutching his chest to attempt to stop his laughter. 

“Great call, Dorcas, ” Remus snickered, high-fiving her. 

“That hurt like a bitch, “ Peter whined as they headed back stairs. 

“At least Hestia’s hot, ” Sirius smirked, sitting back down on Remus’ bed. 

“Yeah, but she's a right bitch. She’s rude to 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, ” Marlene said as she played with her hair.

“Shut up everyone, it's my turn.” Peter said, “James, truth or dare?”

“Well, I don't fancy having a dare like yours, so, truth, I guess, ” 

“What's going on between you and Dorcas?” 

“Nothing, she's one of my best friends and she knows that. She's been helping me with muggle studies since she grew up in a muggle village, ya know?” he said, flinging his arm around Dorcas. 

“How come you've been spending so much time together if you're ‘𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 ‘ friends?” Mary asked after seeing how obvious Lily was being about not believing it. 

“James finally realised that constantly asking Lily out wasn't working so he ‘hired’ me to make her jealous, ” Dorcas said, avoiding eye-contact with Lily. “I know it was a horrible thing but whenever we ‘went off together’ we were actually studying.”

“That’s true, ” James smirked. “Anyway, Sirius, truth or dare?”

“Dare!” he said, looking proud to understand the game. 

“I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in this room, ” he said. 

𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴. 

He turned to face Remus but stopped himself just in time. He stood up and kissed the first girl he came to: Mary. She gasped - most of the others did too - and kissed him back. 

Mary 𝘸𝘢𝘴 the prettiest girl, so he wasn't lying. He didn't understand why he thought of Remus first. 𝘏𝘦´𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵´𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺. He told himself, sitting back down next to Remus,𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦´𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵, 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯´𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯´𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

They played more quite a few more rounds until it was nearly ten o'clock. The girls said good night and left. After James and Peter had gone to sleep, Sirius opened the drapes of his bed and saw Remus’ light on. 

“Remus, I know you said no presents but I’d already got you something...” Sirius said in a hushed voice, digging in his trunk for the Led Zeppelin record. “Here, Happy Birthday, wanker.” he handing the vinyl to Remus who was sat up in his bed, reading by wand light. 

“Physical Graffiti, Led Zeppelin?” Remus said, shocked. “How did you afford this?” 

“I'm a Black, remember. Has little perks, but money’s one of ‘em.” he smiled, feeling delighted to have given his friend something that he knew Remus would enjoy. He wouldn't tell Remus that it was 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 for Sirius from Andromeda, Remus did not need to know that. 

“It's amazing, thank you, I love it.” Remus smiled, still admiring his new, personal record. “Thank you 𝘴𝘰 much, Sirius.” 

Sirius smiled even brighter and headed back to his bed. He tried to go to sleep straight away but his mind wouldn't let him.

He was wondering what would happen with him and Mary now that they had kissed. Mary was the kind of girl that had dated many guys before, but would she be expecting her and Sirius to be in a relationship now? He didn't want that (especially not after what happened with him and Marlene). Maybe he could talk to Lily; He had spoken to her about the situation with his family. He decided that she might not be the best person to ask about relationship advice. He could talk to James, but James had only ever dated one girl - Emmeline Vance in their second year. Eventually, he decided that he wouldn't need to talk to anyone about it because he would just forget about it and tell her he didn't have feelings for her. 

As soon as he thought his mind was clear and he could sleep, he remembered the part 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 the dare. Why did he think of Remus when James had given him the dare? Why was his first instinct to kiss Remus? Why, at that moment, did he think Remus was the most attractive person in the room? He didn't want to think about it now; he didn't want to think about it ever. He grabbed a book - 𝘏𝘰𝘨𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴: 𝘈 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 - that was so boring it would make him fall asleep. He started reading about the founders of the four houses, even though he had already read it in his first year for a test. It was brain-numbingly boring to Sirius but it worked just as he wanted it to. He was asleep before finishing reading about Rowena Ravenclaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Dorcas as a half-blood (both her parents were half-bloods) and that she grew up in a muggle village not far from Remus. :)


	7. Happy Birthday Jemas?

27th March, 1975

“Happy birthday, mate, ” Sirius said, climbing onto James’ bed to watch him open his mountain of expensive and glorious presents. James’ family always gave him such amazing and wonderful gifts; Sirius was forever envious of their family and longed for even an ounce of what they had. 

“Thanks. What times the match?” James asked, tearing into a gift from his mother. 

“It’s your birthday, James, stop thinking about Quidditch for once, yeah?” Remus said, buttoning up his school shirt on the other side of the dormitory.

“But there's a match today!” James said, pushing aside a book about his least favourite subject - potions. 

“Yes, at three. You've got seven hours yet.” Peter said distantly, brushing from the bathroom. 

“Whatever. I’ll give that shite to Lily, ” James gestured towards the potions book that was currently laying on the edge of the bed where he had flung it. “My family always give me the crappiest gifts. I don't want books and parchment for crying out loud.”

“At least you get some, ” Remus murmured only loud enough for Sirius to hear. 

Sirius knew that Remus had only ever gotten one gift from someone outside of school. It was a friend he had hung out with a few times before Hogwarts. Remus did not have many friends before Hogwarts and the three boys knew that. Sirius despised the thought of Remus not getting anything for his birthday, so he had always gotten him a gift - even when he hadn't wanted one. Sirius cared more about his friends than anything else in the world, their unhappiness was like torture for him. 

“I'm hungry, ” Peter groaned as he put his robes on. 

“You're always hungry, Pete. But I want breakfast now, too.” James said, pushing his pile of presents aside so he could get off his bed. 

“James always acts like he's the king on his birthday, ” Remus whispered into Sirius’ neck as they were headed down the staircase. Sirius felt goosebumps emerge all over his body when Remus’ warm breath pressed against him. 

“Yeah... Yeah, he does, ” Sirius whispered back. “Don’t blame ‘im though, if I got all those presents I’d probably act like that too.” 

“Yeah, same, ” they reached the bottom of the staircase and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. At breakfast, James was given 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 gifts from Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and - shockingly - Lily.

\--

9:57

“So, at ten, we set the fireworks up?” Marlene asked as they all sat intrigued in the Quidditch stands. 

“Exactly. Have you ever used fireworks before?” Dorcas asked, looking at all of the purebloods - Sirius, James, Peter, Marlene. Sirius and Marlene nodded and the other two shook their heads in. 

“Well, you'll love ‘em!” Lily said, enthusiastically, a wide smile painted across her rosy cheeks. 

Sirius was looking at a pocket watch that James had grabbed from his muggle studies classroom, waiting nervously. “Okay, one minute, guys.” 

James stood up and held the matches - Dorcas and Remus had forced him to do it the muggle way to “get the full experience” - and Sirius assisted him when he struggles to use them. They lit all seven of them quickly and watched as they shot up into the dark blue sky. The loud bangs echoed in their ears as the multi-coloured fireworks exploded above their heads. 

“Happy Birthday... Jemas?” Marlene readout, trying not to contain her laughter at the huge misspelling in the sky. 

“Pete, you had one bloody job!” Sirius barked, clearly very frustrated at how the arrangement of the fireworks was disordered.

“Sorry, I couldn't read ‘em in the dark, ” Peter said, looking down at his feet guiltily. 

“You should've used your wand, you 𝘤𝘢𝘯 use it, ya know?” Sirius said. He was trying to hurt Peter only because he thought James was upset about the ruining of his birthday fireworks. He turned back to James and said, “I'm sorry Peter messed it up, mate.”

“Hey, don't worry about it. And Pete, it's fine, no point beating yourself up about it, I think it's pretty funny, ” James flung his arm around both boys on either side of him and continued to stare up at the fireworks.

“Ya know, I think we should start calling you Jemas, it’s a lot funnier than your 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 name.” Dorcas laughed. 

“Your name 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 has Dork in it, I don't think you get any say in whether a name is good or not, ” James said, winning at his friend. 

“How’re they still there?” Lily asked, noticing how they were still burning in the sky.

“A charm I read in one of Sirius’ books, ” Remus said, ”his uncle gave him some really handy books full o’ charms and spells and shit.”

\--

April 15th, 1975,

“Where’ve you been, mate?” James asked as Remus entered their dormitory at half-past nine at night.

“Studying with Lily, Marly, Mary and Dorcas, ” he said, throwing his robes onto his bed and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

“Fucking ladies man, ” Sirius smirked. He laid onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. 

Tests were starting soon. That meant he had to study this year; he never properly studied, he automatically understood the lessons and was normally very good when it came to his wizarding education. But, if he wanted to stay at that school for another few years, he had to get outstanding’s in at least half of his classes. 

“I might ‘ave to join your little study session, ” he said, still watching the ceiling above. 

“So you can flirt with Mary?” Peter asked from the other side of the room. “You kissed and how nothing.”

“No, because I want to stay at this school.” he snapped. Sirius didn't like thinking about this topic, let alone talking about it. The boy sat up and pulled his legs to his chest. Feeling vulnerable was something he wasn't used to. “I don't want to date her, so I won't.” after the night of Remus’ birthday, he hadn't thought about the kiss or how he felt the need to kiss Remus. He’d blocked it out of his memory and didn't like the idea of it creeping back in. 

“We promised we’d help you, so we will,” James said walking towards the bathroom once Remus had left. 

“Yeah, we’re gonna spend loads of time in the library so come with us whenever you can. You can't leave us yet, wanker, ” Remus smirked. He sat opposite Sirius and a comfortable silence filled the room, the only noises that could be heard were Peter’s light snoring and the water running from the bathroom. “You can come and live with me if your family try to send you to Russia, ” 

Sirius slowly looked up at Remus and caught the soft smile of the kind, caring and loving boy glancing down at him. He felt tears develop in his eyes. He couldn't leave these three. He loved them so much, he cared about them like that were his younger brothers and they did the same to him. 

"Alright, Sirius, bed," James said, raising his voice a bit. 

“What?” Sirius asked, finally breaking the glance between Remus and him. “Why?”

“Tomorrow is Quidditch and then we have double potions which is your worst subject but your mum’s favourite so you 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 to get an outstanding.” James turned the light off and they all said good night. 

\--

May 24th, 1975,

10:30

“C’mon, Moons, “ Sirius whined as he put his head on the desk. “We’ve been studying for 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴!”

“What's your point? Do you want to go to Durmstrang?” Remus asked, not looking up from his Transfiguration book. After no answer, he said “didn't think so. Just one more hour, okay?”

“But the library is bloody closed!” James said, pushing aside his quill and parchment. 

“Madam Pince doesn't know we’re here,” Remus said calmly, ignoring how annoyed his friends were. 

“That's because you made us hide underneath the invisibility cloak. And Pete’s asleep so can't we just all go to bed?” Sirius closed his book and put the lid on his ink bottle. 

“Be fair, mate, Pete was up all night in the common room studying,” James said, glancing over at the sleeping boy on the opposite side of the table. 

“Studying? Nah, he was probably sneaking around with Delacour, ” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

“𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 Delacour?” James asked, utterly shocked. 

Remus looked up from his book, flabbergasted, “the girl who got kicked out of... What's the name o’ that French school?” 

“Beauxbatons.” Remus and James both snickered. Remus knew the school but they all loved to make fun of Sirius’ perfect French accent. “Fuck you, Moony, ” he joked, kicking Remus’ shin under the table. 

“He’s 𝘯𝘰𝘵 hanging out with Gen! Merlin's beard..." James smirked, looking back to Peter who was now drooling onto a book about healing potions. 

“I guess she's gotten bored of dating boys in her year, ” Sirius said, smirking too. 

“And the boys in the years below. The girl’s dated nearly everyone, ” James said.

“Let’s not tell Pete that we know ‘bout it, yeah? Let’s see how long it takes him to tell us.” Remus said, yawning. 

“We all know he’s really secretive and great at keeping his mouth shut.” James said.

“That's because he has food in his gob half the time, James.” Remus joked, causing the other two to laugh as well. 

“So, can we go to bed now?” Sirius asked, whining once again. “I’m tired.” 

Remus sighed and looked back down at his book. “Sure, fine. But we’re studying again after classes tomorrow.”

“But I have a muggle studies test, I'll be knackered, ” James moaned, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. 

“Aw, is one test too much for poor Jamsie’s brain to handle?” Sirius asked, mockingly. “I’m fine with that, Moons, ” He said, collecting his books together and standing up to put them back. “As long as we don't have to study until bloody eleven every night.”

“No promises, “ Remus said. James shook Peter awake and they huddled underneath the cloak of invisibility. 

\--

May 25th, 1975,

Sirius, Remus, Mary and Lily were heading up the moving staircase towards the library. The girls were in the front having a hushed conversation about somebody in the school and the boys were talking about a prank that Remus had come up with. 

“I know you wanna take part in it, Sirius, but you can't, ” Remus said, not looking at his friend. “Sorry, but if we get caught--”

“We play it off and say we didn't do it just as we always do!” Sirius snapped. He despised being left out of things, especially when it came to pranks. 

“Sirius, we can't risk it. We can't lose you, okay?” Remus said. 

“Fine, ” he sighed; he didn't want to lose them either. 

“Can you boys’ hurry up?” Mary asked, standing at the top of the stairs. The two boys picked up their pace but when they were nearly at the top, the staircase moved. It wasn't so bad, they only had to walk a few steps more but it was still aggravating. 

When the two boys had gotten to were Lily and Mary were waiting, Regulus Black and Bartimus Crouch Jr. had cornered them. 

“Alright, “ Crouch said, crossing his arms across his puffed out chest. “Do us a favour, get out of this school. Nobody wants 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 kind in this school, filthy mudbloods.”

As the words escaped the young Slytherin’s mouth, Sirius dived forwards to give Crouch exactly what he deserved. Remus jumped forward to but for a different reason; he clasped Sirius by the arms, holding him back. 

“You should keep him on a leash, “ Crouch said, smirking. 

“Will you shut your mouth, Crouch?” Mary barked as she grabbed Lily’s hand and walked around the Slytherin’s to Remus and Sirius - who was still trying to go for Regulus and Bartimus. “Everyone knows you hate muggleborns, doesn't mean you need to go ‘round calling us prejudice names.”

“Shut up, MacDonald, ” Regulus said, speaking up for the first time. “Nobody could care less about what you have to say.”

“Still living up to mummy’s expectations, Black?” Remus said, his hands still clutching onto Sirius’ forearms. 

“At least 𝘮𝘺 mother gives a shit about me, ” This snide comment lit both Sirius’ and Remus’ stomachs on fire, they were both hurt because it could have been meant for either of them. They were both ready to launch for Regulus, but the tables had turned and Sirius was holding Remus by the arms, making sure that Remus did not get in trouble for beating a younger student up. 

“Get... Off...” Remus breathed, trying to break out of Sirius’ firm grip. The two boys strutted off, laughing but Remus was still trying to get them. It took the boy a minute or two to calm down fully and when he did, he was embraced by a huge, warm hug from Sirius. They stayed like that for a few extremely comforting moments but quickly got embarrassed when they heard the muttering of other students from other year's who had gathered round to watch four Gryffindors argue with two prejudice Slytherins. 

“Come on, we should go study, ” Lily said, looking embarrassed to have too many pairs of eyes watching them.


	8. June, 1975

June 7th, 1975,

"That test was a bore," Sirius moaned as they walked out of Charms on the hot summers day. Sirius had one more test - astronomy - that year but he was feeling mentally exhausted from the studying and tests that felt endless. “They all are. Can we just not do tests? Ever again?”

Remus scoffed, ”Ha, if you think that was bad, Sirius, just wait until we have our OWL’s next year, ” 

“Bloody hell, I can't be arsed with that, ” Peter complained. The four boys strolled out of the great big doors and headed towards the tree that they had spent most of the sunny days under. They sat beneath the wiry branches, the black lake glistening in the warm sunlight and Sirius and Remus got their astronomy books out, ready for the next day, as sat side to side. James sat against the tree and began throwing the snitch he had stolen from the Quidditch shed into the air and catching it as Peter watched from beside him, mesmerised. 

“So, Pete, I saw you with Genevieve the other day... Something between you two?” James nudged Peter with his foot. 

“We kissed... That's it.” Peter was blushing. 

“Ooooooh” they all mocked, making Peter blush even more.

“Shut up. Just because none of you can get girlfriends!” Peter snapped, folding his arms. The three others were surprised by the smallest boy in their group. James began throwing his snitch up again and Sirius and Remus went back to reading. Peter started gazing at James and the stolen snitch once more. 

“You're drooling, Pete, ” Remus joked without even looking up from his book. Peter always wanted to join the Quidditch team, but he could barely lift his broom above a foot off the ground. 

“I can't believe we have one more game until the end o’ the year, ” James said sadly. He glanced over to the girls who were sunbathing on the other side of the lake on towels in the Gryffindor house colours. “I think Lily might date me next year.”

“You say that every year, James, ” Sirius said as he closed his book. He layed down on the long, green grass and closed his eyes. He had been so stressed about exams that he barely got any sleep over the last few nights. As much as he wanted the exams to be over, he did not want the summer holidays to begin; his parents grew crueller as he grew older and that thought made his entire body shiver. 

“What's up, Sirius?” Remus worriedly asked, finally putting his book down. 

“Nothin’. I have an idea...” Sirius began searching his mind for anything that would distract him from thinking about the summer and his parents and the house of Black. “A map.” he began digging the mapped parchment out from his robes and placed it onto the grass.

“A map? What’re we gonna use a map for?” James asked, he stopped throwing the snitch into the air and paid his full attention to Sirius. 

“I’ve been marking passageways on it for a few months but my art’s pretty shite, ” 

“We already know the tunnels and stuff, ” Peter said, tearing into a chocolate frog that had partly melted in his pocket. 

“Yeah, but I was thinkin’ we add everything in the castle, make it as detailed as possible.” he tried to explain, but he couldn't find the correct words. He wanted to excite them with his idea but Sirius knew that he wasn't selling it to them. 

“That's actually a good plan... We could put charms on it and everythin’ so we can see wherever people are.” Remus said, carefully picking the map up to examine it.

“Yeah, that was the idea. Glad we share the same brain, eh Moon?” a grin spread across the boys face. It was the famous ‘Sirius Black Grin’ that made everybody know he was up to something. 

“Sirius, you bloody genius!” James jumped up enthusiastically and pulled Sirius to his feet. “Imagine the pranks we could pull with this in our hands! This is bloody brilliant!” he pulled Sirius in for a quick hug and then took the map into his hands. 

“Remus, could you do the drawings? You're the best at art, ” Sirius said, peering down at the tired boy - the full moon was in two days. 

"Uh... yeah, sure. It'll have to wait until after exams though." Remus murmured, he was getting more exhausted by the hour and it was quite visible. 

“And after the moon. You're not doing anything until you're well again, ” James explained as he sat down again, the map still resting in his hands. 

“Alright, mum, ” Remus mocked, laying back on the ground and closing his eyes; Sirius sat down and did the same. All four boys began thinking about different things (James was thinking about Remus and the moon, Peter was 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 thinking about Quidditch, Remus was daydreaming about the map and Sirius was, once again, worrying about the close summer in that dark and eerie house). A dark cloud stretched above their heads but none of them noticed, they were too lost in their own thoughts. Small rain began oozing out of the once blue sky and passed through the tree branches and onto the boys. 

“Shit, shit, shit, ” James mumbled as he tried to stuff the map carefully into the pocket of his robe. 

“I bloody hate Scottish summers, ” Sirius moaned, “probably a lot nicer than Welsh summers so I've heard. What're they like, Moons?”

“Hmm? Oh... Nice. Better than here.” he said, picking up Sirius’ books as well as his own and arranging them underneath his arm. “Why’d you wanna know, mate?” 

“Dunno... Don't wanna spend much time in my shitty home, might see if I can go to James’ or yours maybe... I dunno...” Sirius said, looking at the floor as the four rushed back to the castle, trying not to get too wet. 

“Yeah, let me know if you can, I'm sure my mother’ll be fine with it, ” Remus nearly shouted, he was trying to get his voice heard over the now pouring rain. 

“You're always welcome at the Potter’s, Sirius, ” James announced as he stuck his chest out. “You all are! My mum loves when you're all there for Christmas, says it's her favourite time o’ year now, ” 

“Don't blame her; who wouldn't wanna be in our company?” Peter said, the rain nearly drowning him out. 

“What? Pete, you say something?” James asked, looking over to the smaller, bigger boy on the left of him. Peter shook his head, clearly embarrassed. 

\--

June 8th, 1975,

Remus and Sirius were hurrying along the corridor towards their Astronomy classroom. They were already a few minutes late because they had been up most of the night studying for this test. Astronomy and astrology were incredibly important to the Black family, most of them were named after constellations. However, Sirius was not very good at the subject but he still enjoyed it. The thought of there being billions of different stars, galaxies, planets, moons and solar systems was astonishing to the fourteen-year-old; he loved to think about things outside of his world and outside of everyone's view. It made him feel some kind of comfort and safety. Remus and he shared this passion for astronomy ad astrologuy as well as many other things, they were similar but yet so different, it was one of the things he adored most about Remus. 

“Mr Black, Mr Lupin, how kind of you to finally join us.” Aurora Sinistra announced sarcastically as the two boys ran into the Astronomy Tower, sweat dripping off Remus’ forehead. “Detention, tomorrow night and the night after with me.” the fierce teacher declared as she placed their tests onto their desks. 

A look of fear spread widely across both the boys’ faces. Tomorrow was a full moon. There was no chance Remus would be able to attend the detention... Sirius 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to think of something to help Remus out - after all, Sirius would not have done enough studying and preparation for his exams without Remus. 

“Professor?” Sirius said, looking up at the woman. 

“Yes?” She asked, spinning around to face him once again. 

“It wasn't Remus’ fault he was late, it was mine. I’d forgotten my star chart so we had to go back.” he glanced a few times over to the poster of the moon cycle that was hanging near the front of the room. 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸, 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴´ 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, he thought. The woman followed his glance and realised almost instantly. 

“Fine, but you, Mr Black, will still be serving the detention.” she stepped back towards the front of the classroom and the rest began. 

\--

As they were heading down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower, Severus Snape walked up behind them. “How come Loopy Lupin got to get away with a detention?” he asked, giving both boys a shock. 

“Because it wasn't his fault. Just like it’s none of your business, Snivellus.” Sirius sneered and the two of them picked up their pace. Snape, however, kept at their heels.

“Will you 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧.” Remus spat, spinning around to face the greasy-haired Slytherin. 

“You know what, I think I'll hang out with you two today! You seem so very delightful!” Snape mocked, a fake smile painted across his pasty face. In a blink of an eye, Remus had punched Snape in the nose; blood dripped out of it and onto his clean robes. 

“Remus... Come on...” Sirius gently tugged at the boy's hand, trying to pull him away. “Let’s leave this twat to himself.” Remus nodded and they scurried away. 

“I’m sorry... I dunno what happened... I just get so angry when the moon’s comin’ and he was really asking for it... But I still shouldn't ‘ave did it... I should probably go back and apologise because I don't wanna get a detention for--” Remus was cut off by Sirius who had now lifted Remus’ hand up.

“You're bleeding.” Sirius said, cautiously holding Remus’ bruised hand close to his face. “And you're bruised.”

“I’m fine, mate, ” Remus tried to pull his hand away - nearly blushing - but Sirius’ grip just tightened around his wrist. 

“Come on, Moons, let's go to Madam Pomfrey.” 

“No... No, I don't want to... Let’s just go to Lily or Marlene.” Remus said, staring out the window next to them. 

“Okay, let's go, ” Sirius gave in, finally letting go of Remus’ hand. 

\--

“Okay, the bruises are fading and the blood wasn't yours, ” Lily said, sitting on Remus’ bed cross-legged. “How’d you even do it?” 

“I punched Sniv--” Remus began but was, once again, cut off Sirius. 

“He punched me. 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 hard in the shoulder.” Sirius continued. If they told Lily that Remus had punched one of her closest friends, she would go berserk. 

“Really? Do you want me to check it?” she asked, leaning forward and placing her hand on his shoulder. 

“No!” he jumped back. There wasn't a bruise there from Remus, but there were a few slashes on his forearm and shoulder from his mother during the last summer. He couldn't let her see them, he couldn't let 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 see them. “Sorry, Lils... But, it's fine. Don't worry about it.”

“C’mon, Sirius, let me see, ” she began pulling his sleeve up but Sirius slapped her hand away. “Fine.” she got up and left. 

“What was that about?” Remus asked while still observing his hand. 

“Nuh-nuh-nothing...” Sirius stuttered. He got off the bed and put his robes back on. 

“What're you doin’? It's like 30° outside, ” 

“I'm cold, ” Sirius shrugged and dug through his trunk. He grabbed the packet of cigarettes he hadn't touched since January and his Queen record from 1973. Although he had all the others, this one was by far his favourite - Remus’ too. He took it over to the record player that was placed on the top of their dresser and delicately placed the needle onto it. 𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘈𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 began to play - Remus’ favourite on the whole album -, Sirius strolled over to the window and pulled it open. He took a cigarette out of the packet and lit it with his wand. He grabbed another one out and held it out, indicating Remus to take one. 

“Where’d you get ‘em?” Remus asked as he took it out of Sirius’ hand and perched himself on the windowsill next to Sirius. 

“Stole ‘em. Narcissa thought she was being sly by hiding ‘em in the spare room, ” Sirius lit Remus’ and they both puffed grey smoke out the window. 

𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶´𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺?  
𝘕𝘰, 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐´𝘮 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦.

They had three each, finishing the pack. They'd nearly finished the last one when James walked through the door and gasped. Queen was still playing in the background but now drowned out by James. 

“What the 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵!?" he asked, on the verge of shouting.

“What’s it look like, mate?” Remus said, completely unfazed. 

“James, the windows open, it's fine!” Sirius said as he flicked the remaining cigarette bud out of the window. 

“You're gonna 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 yourselves! Do you 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to die?” James was losing his temper rapidly. He stormed over to the boys and snatched the empty packet from the floor and launched it out the window. “If I catch you doing that again, Merlin knows I will--”

“You’ll what? Put us on the naughty step?” Remus teased, pouting. As the moon crept closer, his attitude and personality changed.

“James, calm down, mate. We just had a few. One-off kinda thing, ya know?” Sirius said, trying to calm James down. “We won't do it again, okay?” James nodded and walked out of the room. 

“We just won't have to get caught, ” Remus whispered once James had left. Sirius winked at him and searched through his trunk and showed the other boy his second packet. 

\--

That night, Peter, Sirius and James were playing exploding snap as the full moon hung above the sky. Remus was in the shrieking shack, his body tearing apart and reforming just as it did every month. 

“I wish there was a way we could be with him, ” James said out of the blue. 

“Me too. I hate how he has to go through it alone. It isn't fair, he doesn't deserve this.” Sirius looked out of the window, the moon shining through the open curtains. A black mark on the windowsill from when Remus had dropped some cigarettes by accident caught his eye. 

“I was readin’ something for Transfiguration, summit about animaguses,” Peter said, he stood up and walked to the messy pile of books by his bed. 

“You mean animagi?” Sirius asked and Peter nodded. 

“Yeah. A werewolf doesn't attack any other animals, just humans.” Peter said, placing the book in between them where the cards had been. 

“Are you suggesting we become animagi?” James asked, scanning over the text. 

“Yeah, that way we could be with Remus on a moon.” 

“Peter...” Sirius was speechless. This was unbelievably incredible and not to mention shockingly smart. “This... He’ll love it. He’ll absolutely love it! You're bloody brilliant! I could kiss you - but I won't, don't want your germs, ” he winked and wrapped Peter in a hug but was pushed off only seconds later. 

“Let's keep it a secret, yeah? Surprise the little wolf?” James smirked, still looking at the book. The other two nodded. “We better get to studying it, then. We have all summer to read ‘bout them, so we should be able to transform by sometime next year.” As always, James’ hopes where high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took so long to upload! I’m writing the next chapter right now! <3


	9. The Train

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some sex with some detail (not a great deal).
> 
> Also, Sirius has some dark thoughts, subtle mention of abuse. Some homophobia in the first part, too!

July 1st, 1975,

The boys were walking towards the burgundy train, hauling their trunks behind them. The closer they became to the train, the more terrified and anxious Sirius was. It was only a matter of hours before he was with his mother again; in that nightmare-like house with his dreadful family. The topic of war had been spread amongst the oldest of students and was occasionally heard by the younger. The four boys tried to avoid the subject, they all knew that when it came to dark magic, the Black family had it in their veins - this made Sirius feel incredibly alone. Remus, James, Peter and the girls all came from good families (even the muggle families were better; they wouldn't take part in any magic, let alone the dark kind) so nobody would ever understand how Sirius was feeling. 

“Shit...” Sirius muttered as his eyes fell upon Regulus, Narcissa and Bellatrix Black. They were stood by a tree that would have to be passed if you were boarding the train. There was no doubt about it, they were waiting for him. Goosebumps rose to Sirius’ skin, he wasn't prepared to spend the last hours of his fourth year with 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. He simply wouldn't do it, he'd refuse. 

“We’ll meet you in the compartment, yeah?” James said after following Sirius’ eyes to the other Blacks. Sirius nodded gradually and he slowed his pace. He trudged towards them nervously. 

“Hi, Sirius, ” Regulus said before Sirius could say something rude to them. 

“What's up?” he asked. He was trying 𝘴𝘰 hard to be polite. The last thing he wanted was to ruin his sensible and troubleless (well, as troubleless as Sirius could be) year by yelling at his family. 

“I’m getting married in summer, ” Narcissa pulled out her hand from behind her back and held it in front of Sirius’ face. The diamond was huge, definitely bigger than Bellatrix’s - and most likely bigger than Andromeda’s. 

“But so is Andie, ” Sirius said, almost as a question. He didn't have to ask Narcissa was marrying, everyone knew she had been dating Lucius Malfoy from their third year. 

“Don't mention that name to us. She is nothing more than a filthy blood traitor!” Bellatrix spat. “Marrying a muggle! Disgusting! Absolutely foul!”

“But she’s still your sister...” Sirius murmured. 

“Not anymore. She’s nothing to us, nothing to you.” Regulus said. It was clear he didn't believe the words as they fell out of his mouth, but he was the Black heir now, he had to live up to their expectations. 

“Would you do the same if I married a muggle?” Sirius asked, his stomach turning over. He and Regulus used to be inseparable, surely they would always be brothers. Right? 

“No. If you married a muggle... You may as well be a filthy queer.” Bellatrix confessed, her head held high and shoulders straight. “This is about Narcissa, not the blood traitor, not you, Narcissa.”

“Okay, when’s the wedding?” 

“August 1st,” she said, admiring her ring. 

Sirius winced. That was Marlene’s birthday... They'd all planned to try to meet up at the park down the road from Sirius’ house - it was easier for Sirius to go there than to her house. He 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to go; she’d always been such a good friend - and kisser - to him. “Umm... Can't it be another day?” Sirius asked.

“I'm not going to change my plans for 𝘺𝘰𝘶, Sirius. What do you think this is?” Narcissus asked. “I don't even want you there.” she linked her arm with Bellatrix and they stepped away. 

“Reg?” Regulus hadn't moved yet, he was eyeing Sirius for something. “Can we just go ba--”

“Go back to the way things were? After you stopped talking to me when I got put into Slytherin? After you were mad because I became the family heir when it wasn't even my choice? After you said you hated me because of my 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦?” Regulus talked. That was the most he had spoken to Sirius since the summer of 1973. “In your dreams, brother.” he walked away, leaving Sirius alone. 

“Come on, Sirius,” Remus said. Without even noticing, Sirius had stood facing where his family had been for quite a few moments. He spun around and saw Remus smiling softly. “You alright?” 

“Narcissa’s gettin’ married on Marlene’s birthday. And Andie is no longer a part of the family, apparently.” Remus lifted his bony hand and placed it on Sirius’ shoulder as a sign of comfort. “Oh, and they'd rather I be queer than marry a muggle-born, ” Sirius added as they headed towards the train, the last two people who hadn't boarded yet. 

“Merlin... Your family seems lovely, ” Remus smirked sarcastically, his hand still on the other boy's shoulder. 

“Oh, trust me, mate, you don't know the half of it.” the two of them walked to their carriage and sat down next to each other.

“Sirius, I've got your record player, by the way, ” James said, smiling. “You said on your birthday that your mum’ll kill you if you had one.”

“Yeah, thanks, mate.” 

“So, what happened out there?” Peter asked.

“Oh, they were just telling me that Narcissa’s getting married. That's all.” Sirius didn't know why he lied, he didn't know why he didn't tell them the whole thing. It was a small secret between him and Remus, that idea he really liked. But he could've just told them, it wouldn't have been hard or hurtful to him. But before he could tell them what else was said, the four girls walked in. Mary sat next to Sirius, Dorcas next to Remus and opposite James, Marlene sat next to James with Lily on the other side of her. 

“Alright, Black? You seem a little tense.” Mary said concerned, tilting her head to the side. He nodded. “Want me to give you a massage? I'm great at them.” Sirius nodded again. He turned on his seat, facing Remus and lifted his legs up to cross them. 

She carefully placed her hands on his shoulders and began to massage them. At first, Sirius hated it, he hated that he could feel each of his scars from his family whenever she touched them. However, after a few moments, he felt more relaxed and calmer and his scars seemed to disappear. The others were talking about something neither of them cared enough about for them to listen. He leaned his head as she worked on his shoulders. Slowly, she moved one of her hands into his hair and began twirling it between her fingers, carefully trying not to hurt him. Without saying anything, she leaned forward, one hand still wrapped in his hair and the other kneading his shoulder and kissed his neck. She was so gentle and so quick, he wasn't sure if he had dreamt it; she pulled away again and pretended nothing had happened. 

Sirius lifted his hands and touched hers. He turned his head around as far as it could go and looked her in her gorgeous hazel eyes, they both licked their lips and he felt like he was supposed to kiss her. He 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 to kiss her. But with all their friends there? He wouldn't, they would make it uncomfortable. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and stood up quickly. “I think I'm gonna go get some air,” Sirius said, heading towards the door without looking back. He heard Mary say she’ll join him and before he knew it, they were both walking towards the bathroom in silence. 

He opened the door for her, as his mother had always made him do for her. They were both inside the relatively small bathroom, Mary reached past him and went to lock it, but Sirius was already kissing her neck. She rapidly locked the door and pulled away. She grabbed his hips and pulled him in, kissing him very hard. He ran his hands through her long hair and down her back; he reached her butt and squeezed it roughly. She began to unbutton his shirt and he took one hand and began lifting her Quidditch jumper, leaving her in nothing but a skirt and underwear. He was now topless too, his hands on her bare chest and her hands unbuckling his belt. 

He didn't know why he wanted it so bad. He didn't know why he wanted 𝘩𝘦𝘳 so bad. She was stunning, everyone knew that and he was definitely very handsome but he'd never thought of her in this way before. He’d never imagined this would ever happen. But now, he couldn't imagine wanting another girl more. 

He grabbed her neck, not trying to hurt her but trying to make her his - and succeeding. He pushed her up against the bathroom door and kissed her neck. He worked his way down her chest, kissing harder than before. On his knees, Sirius worked his way slowly down her chest, down her stomach. He was in his underwear, she was in hers too. She threw her head back and moaned loudly. He removed the hand that had been placed on her back, and got his wand out from his jeans - that we're laying on the floor - pocket; he cast a silencing spell and threw it down again. She began to moan again, breathing very heavily. He discarded his boxers and grabbed the waistband of her underwear and pulled it down. 

\--

“Where've you two been?” Marlene asked when Sirius and Mary had arrived in the carriage again. “You were gone for nearly two and a half hours!” 

“We were just talking by one of the open windows, ” Mary said, playing it off cool as she always did. They both sat down next to each other, careful not to touch. 

James was eyeing Sirius. After a few minutes, he stood up and said, “Sirius, I need to talk to you.” he walked out without waiting for an answer. Sirius got up, he felt nervous for some reason. Why would James want to speak privately? Why couldn't he say it in front of the others? Surely, it was about Mary. It had to be. 

“Before you interrogate me, nothing happened between Mary and me, ” Sirius said quickly when the compartment door had closed. He said to Mary he wouldn't tell anyone, he couldn't break that after less than fifteen minutes after they finished. 

“I don't believe you, mate. But that's not what I needed to say, ” James dug through his pocket and pulled two mirrors. “Here, ” 

“What the bloody hell is this for?” Sirius asked, looking at James as if he were mad. 

“Look into it, ” James looked into his too. He could see his best friend through the mirror. “We can keep in touch during the summer just in case your mum locks you in your room again.” 

“James this is bloody amazing, “ Sirius mumbled, not sure what he did to deserve such great friends like these. He didn't feel worthy of their friendship. 

“Don't worry about it, mate. I got Dorc to do the charm on it, you're the only one who's got one - apart from me of course, ” he pulled Sirius in for a quick hug. 

“Aw, look at you two lovebirds!” Severus Snape had appeared behind them, his greasy hair handing over his face. He was smiling wickedly as he watched Sirius and James pull away from the hug as quickly as they could. 

“Will you fuck 𝘰𝘧𝘧, Snape, ” Sirius groaned, he didn't have the energy to argue (not after he knew what would happen once he stepped onto the platform). He pushed past the boy, knocking him to the ground and marched back to the compartment. Before he had entered, James grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. 

“There's somethin’ on your neck, by the way, ” James said. He stepped into the compartment and Sirius pulled out his new mirror and checked his neck. Not only was there a big purple mark, but there was also lipstick on his collarbone in the dark red shade Mary always wore. He pulled his shirt up higher, James clearly had figured out what happened and was definitely mad that Sirius had lied to his face. He pulled up his shirt again - the last thing he wanted was everybody else to know. He opened the carriage door and took a seat opposite Remus and next to Lily. 

“Sirius, you alright?” Lily asked, placing a hand on Sirius’ knee. He could feel Mary’s eyes burning into him but avoided eye contact with everyone. He nodded quickly and moved his knee to get her to release his grip. 

\--

With only half an hour left until they arrived at the platform, Sirius was stressing even worse. His breathing was heavy, he was sweating and felt like he was going to be sick. 𝘈𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘐´𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, he said to himself. He hadn't spoken to any of his friends in over twenty minutes, his fear and anxiousness were overwhelming. He felt as if he was drowning in his own thoughts. Flashbacks of last summer came flooding in, remembering the pain his family had inflicted on him and the horrible things they'd called him. 

𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯´𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺, he planned. He probably wouldn't be able to see Marlene on her birthday, he’d already told her it would be nearly impossible. He would still try, or he could use James’ mirror and it would be almost as if he was there - but he wouldn't be. He would be at his snob of a sister’s and the horrendous Lucius Malfoy’s wedding. Lucius (who had hair like Snape but longer and a blinding silver, a face that could give anyone tremendous fear and a personality that made him almost impossible to be around) had made fun of Sirius and the Marauders when they were in their first, second and third year. He was incredibly prejudiced - worse than Snape perhaps - and he was utterly foul. Soon, he would be Sirius’ cousin in law. Malfoy would be attending their big dinners during the summer and go to every family even that Narcissa went to. He would be family. The thought made Sirius feel even more ill. 

“Hey, Sirius, you okay? You look a little--” Remus began, but was stopped once Sirius had stood up and ran out of the carriage. 

Sirius sprinted towards the bathroom, pushing everyone aside who was in his way. He got there just in time, he began to retch into the toilet bowl, his hands gripping the toilet seat with all his might. He hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast, he’d turned down every offer, afraid that if he ate something, he would end up throwing it up - not knowing that he would've been sick anyway. The lack of food made it worse, he felt as if he was trying to push his organs out. He was sick a few times, his head was spinning and the rocking of the train made him feel even worse. 

He stayed there for a few moments, contemplating what to do next when he heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. “This bathroom’s occupied, ” he croaked and slid onto his knees. 

“Sirius, it's me, ” Remus said, his voice very low and quiet. Sirius was glad it was only Remus, he couldn't face James after lying about Mary and anyone else would have been annoying at this moment. He slid along the floor and unlocked the door. He didn't know why he did it. Maybe it was because he felt as if Remus could see him in any state and wouldn't judge him. Or maybe it was because he felt he couldn't tell Remus to leave him alone, he couldn't bring himself to utter those words even if he 𝘥𝘪𝘥 want him to. Sirius pulled away from the door and flushed the toilet quickly before Remus could walk in and see Sirius’ breakfast in a green mess inside the toilet. 

“Sorry...” Sirius whispered and rested his head in his sweaty hands. 

“Hey, don't apologise, it's fine, “ Remus said, in the comforting voice that always made Sirius feel calm. Remus slid his hand behind Sirius and rubbed his back slowly. 

“I don't wanna see them... Ever.” Sirius muttered, not entirely realising he’d said it out loud. 

“I know, I know. Two months and then you're back with us... With... With me, ” Remus sighed and continues to rub Sirius’ back in a slow, steady motion. “We’ll be there soon, clean yourself up, Black. Can't ‘ave you looking like that, you’re a Black, gotta live up to their high expectations, ” Remus smirked and wrapped his arms around Sirius. 

“Piss off, Moons, ” Sirius said, smirking back. That Sirius Black smirk. 

\--

“You’ve got the mirror as all of our addresses. You can write or fly or use floo powder or... I don't know, ducking apparate if you need to. If it gets bad, like 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 bad, just come to mine. Or Moony’s, or Peter’s, or Lily’s or anybody else.” James went on, gripping both or Sirius’ shoulders once the train had stopped and the others had left the compartment. He was acting like a mother again, as he always did, worrying deeply about his friends (especially Sirius). Clearly, James realised that the lie Sirius told, would have to be talked about later, this was too important - and scary - to Sirius. “Promise me that you'll stay out of trouble, promise me that you'll try and be polite to them - even though they're shitbags who don't deserve you. Promise me.” 

Sirius nodded, being at a loss for words. He was just as worried about himself as James was. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to see his family. He hated them. All of them - apart from Andie. He hated himself, too. He hated that no matter how much he wished his family would disappear into thin air, he would forever be protective of Regulus, and would always care for him (even if he was a huge idiot a lot of the time); he would forever hold the young, once sweet and innocent boy close to him. Regulus had never had the chance to think for himself, to have his own opinions, he was forced to live the lives Walburga and Orion Black had led out for him. Sirius was supposed to live this life, but he turned it away the first chance he had. It was Sirius’ fault Regulus was living the way he was - all of these thoughts came spilling over him as he stepped onto the platform and saw his mother, embracing the scrawny Slytherin with a hug. He took a deep breath and walked towards them, his stomach still hurting. 

Walburga Black pulled away from the hug with Regulus and took his trunk. She looked up and nodded towards Sirius, he nodded back. 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺, he imagined.


	10. July, 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some underage drinking and smoking but that's it.

July 9th, 1975,

He was walking down the street, the sun blazing on his back. Sirius had finally been let out of the house and his bedroom. He accidentally broken something valuable, he apologized too many times and his mother had used the torture curse on him. Given only scraps from Kreacher, Sirius was looking rather skinny. Although he hated spending so much time in his dusty, dark room, he had done an insane amount of studying. He’d nearly memorized the chapters about animagi and had read multiple books about werewolves. 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯, he said to himself multiple times. Those books were the only thing keeping him sane - though he'd hate to admit it. Sirius hadn't heard his parents very often, late at night and early in the morning; they were going out for most hours of the day doing whatever. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘭, Sirius thought. 

But he was out of the house now, wandering down to the park at the end of the road. He was carrying a book he’d found this morning once his parents had left. It was, again, about animagi but also contained multiple things that he would be learning when he went back for his fifth year. He walked into the park and sat underneath a tree, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘦𝘬, he whispered to himself. His dark brunette hair was hanging over his face as he focused on the words, he was tired and craved a cigarette but he'd put them in Remus’ trunk without Remus knowing. 

He was four chapters into the book now, reading about patronuses and how to conjure them, when three girls walked up to him. He snapped the book closed, it was magic and they definitely weren't witches. 

The girl on the left was wearing a long trench coat and a skirt that almost touched the floor, her hair was greasy and dark - 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘚𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘦‘𝘴, Sirius thought, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 - and he was wearing long necklaces, huge rings and countless bracelets.  
The middle girl was pale, extremely pale, and was wearing a knee-length black skirt, a white tank top with a black cardigan over the top, her hair was 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘥 and her earrings nearly touched her shoulders. She had smudged makeup under her eyes, it looked as if it had been done on purpose - 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨... 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 - and wore a necklace, it was a cross.  
The third girl was coloured (a little darker than Dorcas) and her hair was very curly and it lay just above her shoulders. She was wearing tight black jeans and a white shirt that was only half done up - 𝘔𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘴!!! - she was also wearing necklaces, ones with crystals and beads and gems, rings on every finger and gigantic platform shoes, she was carrying a backpack on her arm.

“You're in our spot, nerd, ” the middle girl said. 

The girl on the left hit her on the arm and said, “shut up, Monica, let's just sit with him, he seems cool, ” she was smirking now, her eyebrows raised. She was the first to sit down, followed by the girl on the right and, lastly, Monica. 

“I’m Kath, that's Monica, “ (she gestured to the girl in the middle) “and that's Stacie, ” she said, gesturing towards the last girl. “Whats your name, mate?” 

𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴, Sirius thought. “I’m Sirius, ” he said, grinning. 

“Okay, so are we, but what's your 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦?” Stacie said, squinting.

“No, my name 𝘪𝘴 Sirius. I know, it's bloody ridiculous but I'm named after a constellation, ” 

“Wow, that's so cool! I wish I was named after a constellation, they're beautiful. But, I mean, so are you, ” Kath said, calmly. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺, he said to himself. His face felt got, he was blushing. 

“So, do you live ‘round here?” Monica asked. She wasn’t being rude, but Sirius had a feeling that that was just how her voice always sounded - 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘵, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 - but he didn't mind. 

“Yeah, one o’ the big houses down there, ” he nodded his head towards the road that was stretched out in front of him. They turned around and Kath gasped. 

“Oh, I love them! They're gorgeous, you're so lucky, ” She said smiling softly. 

“Fuckin’ hate the place. Feel free to move in, I'm sure my folks would prefer you, ” Sirius sighed. Why was he telling these three random girls all of this? He’d just met them. Maybe he thought he didn't have anything to lose. He wouldn't be spending 10 months with them in a dorm and sharing classes, he had no reason to hold back. Sirius didn't care what they thought.

“Damn, you must be pretty rich though...” Monica said, smirking. 

“Yeah, I guess. Pretty rich, ” Sirius said. He’d never really thought about his family’s wealth until he met Remus. He was thinking about Remus now, forgetting the girls where even there. He missed Remus. He missed James. He missed them all and would do anything to go back. 

“You alright?” Stacie asked, snapping Sirius back into reality. He nodded quickly. “Wanna drink?” she pulled a bottle of vodka out of her bag and handed it to him. Sirius had never heard of vodka, he’d barely ever drank fire whiskey. He read the bottle first, slightly confused but when he looked up and saw the three looking at him, he opened it and took a quick swig. It was strong and bitter, it burned his mouth but felt good at the same time. He took another, and another, and another. His head felt heavy but he didn't want to stop. 

“Slow down, Sirius!” Kathy said as she led forward and took the bottle. She took a swig and passed it to Monica. “So, what were you reading?” 

“Oh, nothing. Load of ol’ rubbish, really, ” He lied. It was certainly helpful and he knew that he would take it to Hogwarts and let James and Peter read it too. Would it be considered illegal to let them read it? Would he get sent to Azkaban if he gave it to them? He was not sure if it would be bad to let them read it, after all it was just a 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬. 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰, 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦, he thought, 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘻𝘬𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯. 

“Hmm... Okay. Well, tell us about yourself, then.” Monica said, laying back on the grass the way he and Remus had done a few weeks ago. 

“Uh... I go to a boarding school in Scotland, ” he said. He knew that it was a boarding school from overhearing Lily and Mary say it in their first and second years. He was searching his mind for something else to say, so much of his life had to be kept secret from muggles. He thought of Mary suddenly, he could say she was his girlfriend - was she his girlfriend? “I’ve got a girlfriend, Mary, she lives near Bristol I think. Got a few close mates, none of them live close to here, not like my mother would let me go to see them anyway.”

“Why?” Stacie asked, taking a cigarette out of her bag and throwing it to Sirius. She handed him the matches and he lit it. 

“She ‘ates them. She ‘ates me, too. ‘Ates everyone apart from my brother and my “lovely” cousins, ” 

“Does she... Does she hit you?” Kath asked, looking at the long cut across his hand. 

“Oh yeah. Beats the living shit out of me. Locks me in my room, takes all my stuff away, barely feeds me, calls me names et cetera, et cetera. You name it, she's probably done it.” Sirius said, rolling the cigarette in his hand. He was calm, he didn't feel worried talking about it. Maybe it was the vodka. “Oh, I'm no longer the Black Heir now, too, ” 

“What?” Stacie asked. 

“My last name, It’s Black. I’m no longer the heir of the family.”

“You mean in the will? The family inheritance goes to your brother?” Monica asked, correcting Sirius. 

“Yeah, that. My life’s pretty boring and pretty shite, ” 

“Wait... How old are you?” Kath asked, lighting another cigarette. 

“Sixteen.” 𝘐𝘯 𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴. 

“Good. I'm fifteen and they're sixteen.” Stacie said, smiling. Sirius nodded, not sure what to say next. 

\--

It was getting dark, he better go home or his mother would surely hurt him. He’d learnt about all of them; Monica had parents like his, Kath was adopted but she hates her family and Stacie’s mum was an alcoholic and her Dad had left them. They all had pretty awful lives. 

“I should... I should get home.” Sirius said, his eyes flickering up at the road which his parents would arrive at soon. 

“Okay, wanna take the vodka?” Monica asked, handing him another bottle. He’d drank about half a bottle, they'd all drank at least a bottle each. 

“No, betta not.” he stood up, picked his book up that he’d put behind him. “Erm... Will you three be here tomorrow?” 

“Yup, every day.” Kath smiled, taking yet another drink out of a nearly empty bottle. He began to walk away. 

“Hey, mate?” Monica called. Sirius spun around on his heel. “Here.” she tossed him a full pack of cigarettes. 

“Thanks, “ he smirked. He walked off towards his house, feeling better than he had when he left to the park. 

\--

Sirius’ parents didn't return until past midnight. Sirius still felt slightly light-headed as he was laying on his bed, wearing a Quidditch hoodie and shorts, reading again about animagi. He had a notepad with him, he was writing down notes to help him remember everything but he couldn't concentrate; he wasn't tired and he didn't want to read anymore. He got up and walked over to the bookshelf in the corner of his room, he pushed two books aside and grabbed the packet of cigarettes the girls had given him. There were a few matches in there too, he took one and lit the cigarette. Sirius strutted over to the window - he always felt incredibly cool when he was smoking - and opened it as wide as it would go. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴, he reminded himself. As the boy began to smoke, his mind started to drift off to Remus. “𝘛𝘸𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴... 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩... 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦,", Sirius could feel his eyes filling with tears. He missed Remus, he really did. He had the mirror to talk to James and Peter when they were together but Remus... Sirius wasn't receiving any mail so there wasn't any way for hi to contact Remus. 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭, he thought. Andromeda had delivered his records that way, to make sure his parents wouldn't tell him off for them, so it couldn't be that hard. He flicked the last of his cigarette out of the window and went to grab his notepad. He took a quill and ink from his draw and sat back at the window sill. 

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴,

𝘔𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘏𝘰𝘸‘𝘴 𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘴? 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦‘𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦, 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘵.  
𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦? 𝘈𝘳𝘦 you 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦, 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦?

𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴.

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴.

𝘗𝘚 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.

He folded it. Sirius wasn't even sure how to use muggle mail but he knew he could just ask the girls. He didn't have an envelope so he folded the letter and hid it under his pillow - he didn't want anyone finding the letter, it would be too embarrassing - and decided he would worry about that tomorrow. He went back to his bed, throw his trousers off but kept his hoodie on (it smelt like Hogwarts and his friends, he knew he would wear it as much as he could) and curled up into his bed. 

Sirius was thinking about everything and anything that would happen when he was back at his real home. His friends, his classes, Quidditch and even his teachers. Any of them could be perfects when they got their letters, Sirius knew he wouldn't be one though (𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘵 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘺). He couldn't wait to get back, he was counting the days. However, he finally felt as if this summer wouldn't be as bad as the others - especially the summer of ‘74 when they had started using magic to hurt him - because he had somewhere to be, people to see. 

Even though he had just met Monica, Kath and Stacie, he wanted to see them again, as much as he could. They were different from his other friends, they invited Sirius into the muggle world without knowing they were doing so. He felt different. He could have a life outside of the wizarding world if he wanted to, it wouldn't be too hard. He started thinking about their outfits, they were incredibly cool. Sirius, the boy who had grown up completely outside the muggle world and away from everyone like this, wanted to dress like them and act like them. Monica’s makeup appeared in his mind; he wanted to have that done to him. All smudged under her eyes, she looked dark, mysterious and different and he wanted just that. No one in Hogwarts wore 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 makeup, and when they did, it was always the girls and they never wore much. He knew he would stick out like a sore thumb, but he didn't mind. He wanted that - 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭.

He imagined James meeting them. Sirius knew that James wouldn't like them very much, he would be polite, of course, but James wouldn't know how to talk to them or how to act. Peter wouldn't say anything, he probably wouldn't even look at them. What about Remus? Sirius wrote in the letter that Remus wouldn't like them, and he knew Remus pretty well; the werewolf would feel uncomfortable and out-of-place. 𝘕𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯‘𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. Sirius wouldn't introduce his school mates to them, he wouldn't talk about them and he probably wouldn't think about them during the school year. 

He didn't sleep that night. He wasn't tired and there was a lot to think about (mostly pointless and irrelevant things) and no matter how hard he tried, Sirius could not fall asleep. The last two summers, he would sleep through most of the day and night, it was his escape, sometimes it would be twelve hours, or sixteen hours, or a few nights it had been over twenty. But, even if he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 sleep, he wouldn't. So, he did anything that didn't involve laying in his bed. 

\--

July 10th, 1975.

“Hey, Mon, can you do that cool shit under my eyes?” Sirius asked confidently, a cigarette in his smirking mouth and his breath smelling faintly of alcohol. Monica smiled wickedly and grabbed an eye pencil out of her bag. She scooted over to him and sat next to him. 

“C’mon,” she said, making him lay down on her lap. He obeyed. She started rubbing it under his left eye, carefully but still roughly somehow. Sirius didn't know what it looked like, the suspense was killing him; everyone was quiet, watching as dark makeup was smeared under his eye but he was looking at the sky. It was midday, cloudy for July in mid-London but still warm and beautiful. “Okay, done” Monica announced, startling Sirius as he snapped out of one of his quick daily daydreams of Hogwarts. 

“Wait, really?” Sirius sat up.

“Yeah, ” Monica replied, she dug through her bag again. “Sorry, mate, I don't have a mirror, “ 

“I've got one, don't worry, ” Sirius smirked. He pulled out the mirror that James had given him and looked into it. He was breathless.

“Sirius!?” 𝘖𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵- James had appeared in the mirror. They hadn't spoken in two days, so James didn't know anything about the three girls (and Sirius wanted to keep it that way). He stuffed the mirror back in his pocket quickly, terrified that the girls may have heard it.

“I'm just gonna... Go over there for a sec, ” he smiled, trying to play it off cool. He stood up and rushed out of earshot and view. 

He snatched the mirror out again, even though it had only been two days, he was excited to talk to his best friend. “James!” Sirius called into he mirror. 

“What the 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 hell is that on your face?!” James scrunched his face up, trying to figure out what it was.

“Eyeliner, ” Sirius said, he was calm - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘩𝘰𝘭. 

“Wha--” James cut himself off. “How’s everything? How’re you?” 

“Better than last year. They keep leaving the house for the entire day, Reg stays in his room. Andie’s wedding is on the 30th of August, I overheard my mother saying something about it.”

“That's right before school starts, are you gonna make it in time?”

“Of course, I have to be there. Anything for Andie, ” he was smiling brightly to hide the fact that he was worried and hurt that he hadn't received a letter from her like he always did at the beginning of summer. 

“How’s Reg?” 

“I dunno. He’s hiding away and... Ya know, I think he’s been hanging out with Kreacher, like, by choice.” James smiled softly, it was clear to Sirius that James hadn't a clue what to say. “I'm worried about him, none of this is his fault.”

“Shit... I gotta go, Remus is here, ” James said.

“Wait, can I talk to h--” Sirius began but James had gone. He sighed. Sirius really wanted to speak to Remus, he wasn't sure why though. Anything he could say to Remus he could say to James. Was it that Remus was a better listener? Or that he gave the best advice to Sirius? Sirius didn't know. All he knew was that his new friends were waiting for him. He told them that his brother had arrived at the park and was asking for something - there was no chance he would tell them that his best friend had called to him in a magical mirror, it sounded mental even to him. 

\--

3:38 AM

“Sirius?” Regulus called from the top of the stairs. Sirius was drunk. His breath reeked of vodka, beer and cigarettes and his eyes were stained with Monica’s eyeliner. “Where’ve you been? It's 3 in the morning.”

“The park.” Sirius slurred, stumbling up the stairs. Regulus hurried down and grabbed Sirius by the arm and helped the drunk fourteen-year-old up the dimmed staircase. 

“Are you-- are you wearing 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘶𝘱?” Reg stopped, glaring at the black mess under Sirius’ tired eyes. Sirius nodded. “Mum and Dad aren't home yet. You betta get that off before they do, Siri, ” They started walking again. Sirius felt a pain shoot through his stomach but it wasn't because of how tipsy he was; Regulus hadn't called Sirius ‘Siri’ in four years. Their relationship died when Regulus was put into Slytherin, it made Sirius feel like an outsider, alone and hated. He knew that Reg didn't have a choice, it was either he was placed into Slytherin or he was abused and disowned like Sirius was. 

“I love you, Reggie, ” Sirius muttered, not knowing he said it.

“I love you, too, ” Regulus whispered back. Regulus took Sirius to the bathroom and ran his hands under the water. He carefully wiped the eyeliner off of Sirius’ tanned face who was slowly falling asleep, sat up on the edge of the bathtub. “What where you doing? At the park, I mean.”

“Hanging out with three muggle girls. They're cool, really cool.” 

“Your breath reeks, brother, “ Regulus mocked as he passed a rough black towel to Sirius. “Get some sleep, you look like you need it.” 

“You too; what are you, nine?” Sirius joked, hanging the towel back up. He brushed his teeth, Regulus still in the room with him. They walked out of the bathroom and they went to Sirius’ room. Regulus made sure his brother was in bed and not passed out on the wooden floor. 

“There's a group of letters downstairs, all addressed to you. I found them while looking for a book, they were hidden in the library. I’ll give them to you tomorrow... When you're sober.” Regulus walked out without saying good night.

“Thank you!” Sirius yelled, his voice echoing through the room, the corridor, the entire house. He fell asleep almost instantly.

\--

July 11th, 1975,

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵! 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘯‘𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘦‘𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦!!

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯‘𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘸𝘦‘𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦? 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴. 

𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘍 𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.

𝘗𝘚 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘪. 

\--

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘐𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯? 

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘙𝘑𝘓

\--

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 

𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪! 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴? 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘦‘𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴. 

𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳,𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵.

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦.

\--

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬? 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 

𝘐𝘵‘𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶‘𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺.

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴

\--

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘐𝘵‘𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨... 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘏𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘋𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨? 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳‘𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯. 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 -𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘴.

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴

\--

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘺? 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺‘𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯? 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵‘𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 

𝘐‘𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳‘𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺.

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺

\--

Six letters. Four from Remus. Sirius felt a pang of guilt, he wasn't able to reply and he didn't even know the letters existed, this guilt was ridiculous. He suddenly remembered the letter he had written for Remus but forgot to send it. Sirius decided he should write a new one to let Remus know he was safe and okay. He and Regulus seemed to be on okay terms, so maybe he could use his brother's owl. He put the letters back where Regulus said they had been hidden and grabbed a piece of parchment, a quill and a bottle of ink. 

𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺,

𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯‘𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺. 

𝘐‘𝘮 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 - 𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦. 𝘔𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨. 

𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘯‘𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘋𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺‘𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺? 𝘑𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨... 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘫𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐‘𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵, 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺? 𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦? 𝘈𝘳𝘦 you 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦?

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴.

He took an envelope and sealed it. He scribbled Remus’ name onto it and shoved it in his pocket. Sirius practically sprinted up the stairs to Regulus’ room and knocked. 

“Reg?” He said to the door. No answer. He called again only to receive the same silence. He carefully twisted the door handle and pushed it open. Empty. Sirius closed the door again, looked around the hallway and saw Kreacher polishing a family heirloom hung on the wall. “Kreacher, have you seen Reg?”

“Master Regulus spends time in the attic, Kreacher has seen master Regulus up in the attic. Kreacher doesn't know what--” 

“Yup, thanks, Kreacher, ” Sirius ran towards the staircase before the house-elf could say anymore. He despised Kreacher, the thing was stubborn, rude and would get Sirius in constant trouble. 

“Reg?” Sirius called up the stairs as he stepped up them. He was in a good mood. Probably because his hangover had passed and the loud and comforting noise of rain was hammering against the windows and roof. He called again, opening the attic door. Regulus was curled in a corner, reading by candlelight. 

“What d’you want?” Regulus asked. Sirius didn't understand, Reg had been so kind the night before, why was he being rude now? 

“Uh... Can I use your owl? I need to send a letter to someone.” Sirius wrapped his arms around himself, the attic was strangely cold. 

“Yeah, sure. Are you going to the park again?” 

“No... It's raining and I've got some homework to do, ” Regulus nodded at Sirius, who then quickly left. He tied the letter to the tawny owl’s leg and set it free out of the window. Finally, he went to his room to do the homework he had been putting off for over a week.


	11. ‘Learning’ A Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two lots of physical abuse (as well as a short amount of mental abuse)!

August 1st, 1975,

Narcissa and Lucius were getting married. Narcissa was walking up the aisle, Cygnus Black - Sirius’ cruel uncle - walking next to her. Sirius was sat in the second row at the right at the end of the row, next to Regulus and behind Bellatrix. He sighed loudly (weddings were always boring to Sirius but, now, it was someone he really hated) which was resulted in Regulus elbowing him in the ribs, indicating for him to be quiet. Although he hated Narcissa, she did look very beautiful. Lucius, on the other hand, looked more revolting than ever, his long, bleach blonde hair slicked back into a ponytail and a black suit that made him look paler, though Sirius didn't know how that was possible. They each said their vows, leaving Sirius half asleep; he was wearing a green suit that was too big for him, and a tie that felt as if he was being strangled. His hair had been cut so it was just below his ears but none of that mattered to him, all he wanted to know was: will Andie show up? 

She had to. She’s Narcissa’s sister, even if they said they didn't want her in the family any longer. Sirius knew that Andromeda wouldn't miss it, she and Narcissa used to be inseparable just how Regulus and Sirius had once been before Hogwarts. Every few minutes, he would turn around to see if she had appeared somewhere, but she hadn't. He longed to see her, the sanest person in their family of - in Sirius’ opinion - psychotic people. 

After the wedding, everybody congratulated the couple, a huge buffet of cakes was set out for everybody to feast on. Most cakes had the Black Family crest on them - 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘸𝘦‘𝘳𝘦 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬‘𝘴, 𝘔𝘶𝘮, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵, Sirius screeched inside his head - or some kind of dark green to interpret the long history of both families being Slytherin’s. No Andromeda. Sirius kept his hopes up and tried to be polite to anyone who tried to talk to him in the meantime but it was hard. Regulus was ignoring Sirius as he always did when there were other members of their family around, but they kept sneaking each other looks, and smirks when an older person had planted one of them with a kiss -𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯‘𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺‘𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?? - and the occasional eye roll. 

The wedding was nearly over. Sirius was stood near the door, praying, hoping that at any point, Andromeda would walk through. And she did. Dressed in a lovely white dress and her hair pinned at the top of her head. He ran into her arms. 

“Happy to see me, Black?” She smirked, wrapping her arms around him. 

“I’ve been waiting for you, Tonks, ” He smiled and pulled away. He was smiling properly for the first time in a few weeks. She smiled back and scanned her eyes around the room nervously. “You might wanna hide or something. If Bellatrix sees you--”

“Good idea. I’ll go in here, ” She said, gesturing towards the small room in front of her, “and you get Cissy, please, ” he nodded and walked to find her. Thankfully, she was only talking to Regulus. 

“Narcissa, can I talk to you for a second?” he asked, trying to not to sound too happy. She raised an eyebrow but still followed him. 

“What do you want?” she wasn't being rude, for once. Wedding’s are supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so Sirius just assumed that nothing could ruin this day for her. He walked her to the small room and opened the door for her. Andromeda stood there, smiling. “Andie?” 

“Congratulations, Cissy, ” she said. Sirius closed the door and decided it was probably best to give them some space. 

\--

Fifteen minutes had passed with Sirius waiting outside the door, surveying the room with no purpose. Regulus had looked over a few times, confused, but Sirius just shot him a smile and pretended as if nothing was going on behind him. He couldn't hear them talking, they must have used a silencing charm. He didn't enjoy not knowing if they were screaming at each other, crying together or simply just talking; but could he just go barging in and demand to be a part of the conversation? No, they needed privacy. It was a thing between siblings, he wouldn't be involved and he wasn't. 

Narcissa came out first and walked towards her new husband, she didn't at goodbye - or maybe she did from inside the cupboard-like room. Andromeda didn't come out, instead, she pulled Sirius in. 

“So, how’re you?” Andie asked, raising an eyebrow that made him realise she wanted an honest answer and not just a terrible excuse. 

“Not as bad. Reg and I are finally getting on, only when we’re alone, though; that seems to be all the time now, mum and dad keep leaving for the whole day. It's good.” he went on, explaining every little detail of his holiday: the park, the girls, the eyeliner, the mirror, the letters, all of it. Some parts she seemed impressed (like when he mentioned the eyeliner and the letters) but in other parts, she looked quite horrified (especially when he was talking about how he got drunk and Regulus had to look after him, and how many cigarettes he had smoked in the last month). When he was finished, she pulled him into a huge hug. 

“I worry about you, Siri, ” She whispered, her head in his hair. Even though she was much older than him, she was only slightly taller. 

“I’m doing alright, Andie, you shouldn't worry about 𝘮𝘦! Worry about little baby Dora, the half-blood who is now part of the Black family whether they like it or not, ” he didn't mean to say these words. He kept thinking recently about how Andie had married a muggle-born and now had a child with him; there was not anything wrong with that, apart from the fact that Nymphadora would grow up and learn about what one side of her family had done. He felt pity for the young girl. 

“Don’t. I know that I have brought her into this family, but I shall do everything in my power to keep her away from them.” She said in a stern voice that reminded him ever so slightly of Narcissa and Bellatrix. 

“Sorry, I just feel bad for her. This family is like a curse but she's not all in it, she's got Ted and his family.” 

“On the topic of Ted, the wedding is on the 30th. I thought you could stay at our place that night and until you have to have to go back to school.” he looked up at her, a smile drawn across her beautiful face. His mouth fell open. “I know you'll get into a lot of trouble but, Siri, we really want you to come. You haven't seen Dora or Ted in over a year and, after all, you are the best man.”

“You don't even have to convince me!” he hugged her again, tighter this time.

“I should get going... Ted’s outside in the car, ” she said, pulling away from the hug after a few minutes. Sirius didn't like the idea of a car, brooms where much quicker. Even floo powder would be better in his opinion. “I’ll send you the time and address, okay?” 

“Yup, ” 

“I love you, Sirius mother fucking Black, ” She smirked like a child and kissed his head as a mother would. 

“I love you too, Andromeda mother fucking Bla-- I mean, Andromeda mother fucking Tonks.” He kissed her on the cheek and snuck her out of the building. He waved at Ted who was sat in the passenger seat of a small blue car reading the 𝘋𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘪𝘵. He waved back. 

“Was that--” Regulus said, his voice loud, as Sirius came back into the huge building 

“Shut 𝘶𝘱, Reg! Yeah, it was but you have to promise you won't tell anyone. Please, I don't want Andie to get into any more trouble, ” Sirius was begging now. He knew in his head that he sounded utterly ridiculous but Andie had always helped him and been there for him. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Regulus nodded and they went back to join the dying out party. 

\--

August 20th, 1975,

Sirius had barely been able to see the girls recently since his mother was spending so much time at the house. He locked himself in his room to stay out of her way but we would call him downstairs to do jobs that were meant to be done by Kreacher. Walburga Black had asked him to clean the toilet on the morning of the twentieth. He knew that if he said he didn't want to do it or if he refused, he would certainly get hurt, so he rolled his eyes when she wasn't looking, muttered thing under his breath when she was out of reach and stuck his middle fingers up to her when her back was turned. Sirius kept his head down and did the jobs he was supposed to, murmuring away to himself. 

“I’m not a bloody house-elf, why am I cleaning this bloody toilet?” he sighed as he closed the bathroom door. He dropped to his knees, back pressed against the jet black door. “I fucking hate this, they don't make Regulus do anything. It's only me, the bloody Gryffindor, who gets the privilege of doing these wonderful jobs.” 

Maybe he said that a little too loud. Or maybe his mother was listening in, waiting to hear him say something. He didn't know. All he did know was that she had flung the door open, his slumped body being pushed along with him. He quickly jumped to his feet, his mother towering over him. 

“What did you say?!” she said, her voice cold as ice. 

“Nuh-nothing, ” he stuttered. He could feel himself shaking. 

“What did you 𝘴𝘢𝘺, Sirius Black?” 

He tried to swallow his fear but failed. 𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘦, 𝘐‘𝘭𝘭 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, he said to himself. “I said: I'm not a house-elf so I duh-don't see why I'm doing juh-jobs like these,” he said, his voice quiet. She gave him a look that said: 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺? “Reg doesn't do jobs like these, it's only me who gets treated like a piece of shit,” he swore at his mother. He saw her face turn from angry to violent. 

“That is because you 𝘢𝘳𝘦 one! You don't 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 talk to me like that, I'm your MOTHER!” she slashed her wand and a bone-snapping pain shot through his stomach. He screamed. He shouted. And his mother kept going. It lasted only ten seconds, but to Sirius, it felt like hours of suffering. “What are you, Sirius?” she asked, standing over his injured body. 

“A... A piece of shit.” he managed, speaking caused discomfort in his stomach. 

“Upstairs. Now. “ she said, sounding satisfied with the pain she had just brought upon her own son. He nodded and stumbled to his feet, his entire body aching. He staggered up the stairs and passed Regulus who was stood by Sirius’ room, looking worried. He ignored his brother and shut himself in his room. He locked it as quick as he could. 

As Sirius was limping over towards his bed, he noticed a letter. Two, in fact. He sat down carefully, he could feel his leg was hurt but he didn't care. He tore open the letter, both nervous and excited to see who it was from and what it was about. 

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴,

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 30𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘈𝘶𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵. 𝘞𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵.   
𝘜𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘰 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 “𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘙𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.“ 

𝘉𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭, 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴. 𝘞𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦. 

𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘓𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘯, 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥.

𝘞𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴.

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘛𝘦𝘥.

Suddenly, the last few moments downstairs had been forgotten and he was now smiling like a fool. He was staying with Andie, Ted and Dora for a few days, he was the best man at their wedding 𝘢𝘯𝘥 his best friends were going to be there too. The irritation in his leg was drowned out by Sirius’ imagination drifting off to the wedding.

It took him a few minutes to remember that there was another letter there. Sirius’ name was written in illegible writing. 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴.

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 

𝘐‘𝘮 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. 

𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨! 𝘉𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵. 

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘕𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢‘𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨? 

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺.

He smiled at this letter too but was quickly reminded about his keg when he felt something cold and wet drip down his leg. He signed and tried to stand up but the agony was too much. He lifted his leg onto the bed, pulled up his trouser leg to reveal a long, thin cut down the side of his thigh. Blood was gushing out of it and it had now stained the sheet of Sirius’ unmade bed. He didn't know any spells that would heal it. 

“I’ll just have to leave it. If I keep stuff off it, then it should be fine.” Sirius whispered, his eyes still on the tear in his skin. 

\--

29th August, 1975

Sirius had arrived home from the park, he took one of Monica’s eyeliner when she wasn't looking and one of Stacie’s vodka. As he walked up the stairs, he saw Regulus. 

"She's in there." Regulus whispered, pointing towards Sirius’ bedroom. Sirius knew what he meant: while Sirius was at the park, his mother had returned home and found his trunk, full to the brim of school supplies and both letters that had been delivered to him over a week ago. 

He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tight, mentally preparing himself for what was about to happen. He nodded at his brother and showed him a faint smile. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥? 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵. 

He took a deep breath and he walked towards his room. He carefully twisted the door handle and pushed it open, revealing his mother, knelt beside his trunk, her hands clutching his packet of cigarettes.

“Hello, mother, ” Sirius said. He tried to sound confident, but it came out shaky. 

“You’ve been packing, “ she said. It was less of a question and more of a statement. 

“Yeah, I uh... I was bored this morning so I just divided to guh-get it over and done with, ” he was praying in his mind that his mother would believe him. But, the half-full packet of cigarettes still fastened in her hand made him think otherwise. 

“What's this?” she held up the pack. 

“James gave them to me. I haven't used them, ” he said. He didn't know why he blamed it on James but it was the first name that came to mind. 

“Then why do your sheets smell like cigarettes?” she asked, her face fierce. Now, he was regretting his late-night smokes. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. “I didn't want to do this, Sirius.” she stood up, pulled out her wand. 

“No, please, I've learnt my lesson, okay?” 

“I have to make sure that you have, Sirius, ” she walked towards him and backed away until he was pressed against his bedroom wall. "𝘊𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘰!“ 

The exceedingly intense pain shot through him; this time, across both thighs. He could feel a wound opening and he screamed. He screamed and he shouted and he yelled and he pleaded and he begged. He wasn't sure how long it went on for, but his throbbing body laid in a crumpled mess against the wall, his hands gripped onto his hair hoping that maybe it was numb some of the pain. She took the cigarettes with her and left the room, locking it behind her. He stayed on the floor for quite some time, not being able to move but still trying to decide what to do next. He had to get out of there. He was supposed to be at Andromeda’s house in less than twenty-four hours, so he decided he would just get there early. He would have to go early in the morning, or really late at night when his parents were in bed. 

He planned the entire thing as he laid helplessly on the floor. He would wait until his mother and father had gone to bed, then he would wait some more just to be sure they were asleep. Sirius would then unlock the door with his wand (he knew he wasn't supposed to do magic outside of school but this was to save himself and to make sure he was okay, so he could use that as an argument if he was held accountable for it) and sneak downstairs and into the living room where the fireplace sat; he would use the floo connection to get to the Tonks’ house.

\--

1:50 AM

Walburga and Orion Black had gone to bed forty minutes ago. Sirius packed a few more things and quietly unlocked his door. He heaved his suitcase down, being as silent as he could; the house was dark, cold and eerie at this time of night, elf heads along the staircase of portraits of sleeping ancestors hung upon the walls. He hated this house during the day, he despised it during the night. He was slowly entering the living room when he heard footsteps. 

𝘐𝘵‘𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘒𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯, he reminded himself, though a part of him still thought that maybe it could be. No matter who it was, he knew that if he didn't hurry up and leave this house, he would be in even more trouble. Suddenly, he stopped caring about how much noise he was making and he scampered into the living room. He grabbed some floo powder, clutched his trunk as hard as he could and stepped into the fireplace. 

“The Tonks--” he was cut short by a loud cracking noise in front of him. 

“Where do you think you're going, Sirius?” Orion asked, his booming voice echoing through the entire house. 

“Out o’ this shit-hole, ” Sirius spat back, no longer afraid of what they would do to him. He was leaving, why should he care what he was saying?

“I highly doubt that, son, “ Orion said, his voice was calm but angry at the same time. 

“Do you?” Sirius smirked. He had never been very scared of his father since Orion was always out at work or locked away in his study. Sirius winked and said “The Tonks Residents!” 

As the words escaped his grinning mouth, his father uttered a word, too. As the boy teleported to his cousins’ house, a dull ache sent through his stomach. His father had used the torture curse on him, but Sirius had gotten away in time.

He shot out of the fireplace and onto the rosy red carpet. The room was empty but warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to anyone who had read this fic and left a kudos! <3


	12. The Tonks’ Residents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty happy but a small bit of homophobia.

30th August, 1975,

2:00 AM

“What the bloody hell!?” Andromeda shouted as she ran down the stairs, Ted on her heels. She moved into the living room and gasped, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth. “Sirius!?” she let out, not moving. 

“The floo network... Close it, ” Sirius managed. His three leg wounds had opened up and blood was oozing onto the rug. Ted hurried to the fireplace and cast a silent spell that closed off the floo network, just in case Orion or Walburga tried to get to him. 

“Siri, what happened?” Andromeda asked as she knelt beside him, pulling his head onto her lap. 

“I... I just need some sleep, ” he said, his eyes already gradually closing. 

“Not until we clean those injuries, mate, ” Ted announced.

“If you sleep on the sofa for the night, Ted will fix your cuts,” she explained, lifting the thin boy onto the black sofa. “I can hear Dora crying from here, I'll sort her out, okay?” 

“How did this happen?” Ted began but Sirius was already asleep. He hadn't slept properly in over a month, his bed was hard and there was a lot of things to think about and do. 

\--

Sirius woke up in a bed upstairs, the golden sun piercing through the curtains. His body felt heavy when he attempted to turn over and his head felt light. the night's events came back in flashes. He remembered his mother beside his trunk, hands around his cigarettes. He remembered laying on the floor for a few hours, unable to move his pained body. He remembered the fireplace and his father and the words he had spoken to Orion. He remembered Andie standing shocked to see him laying on her living room floor. 

But the rest was a blur. He knew thing happened fast and he knew that his mother had used magic to punish him again. He also knew that he hadn't said goodbye to his brother. They had been getting along so well this summer, Sirius felt bad for not saying something to Regulus. He wondered if his little brother had been invited to the wedding... He probably had because Andie was quite fond of Regulus - when Walburga as Orion we're not around to oversee the young Slytherins every move - but he wouldn't be able to come, that much was clear. 

𝘛𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘦𝘥‘𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, he told himself. He sat up, his legs hurting ever so slightly. He began to think about the wedding and who would be arriving when he heard some muffled talking behind the door. The door slowly opened and three young boys walked in. 

“You awake, mate?” an easily recognisable voice said. James Potter. 

“No, my eyes are open and I'm sat up, but I'm still asleep, ” Sirius said sarcastically. “Turn the bloody light on, I can't see shite, ” 

The light flickered on and Sirius could see his three best friends stood before him. 

James had glasses. Sirius tried desperately not to burst out laughing at him. When they talked through the mirror, it was always late at night apart from a few times. His hair was as it always was, a sticking up mess at the top of his head.   
Peter stood in the middle, smaller than the rest. Whilst the other boys grew taller, Peter grew wider. His hair was shorter and darker than usual. Peter rarely changed, it made Sirius find some comfort in the little boy who was still relatively the same as when they had first met.   
Remus, however, looked completely different. If his posture wasn't so awful, Sirius would have believed it to be somebody else. He looked a foot taller than James, and half a foot taller than what he was last year. His freckles had multiplied and were spread easily over his small nose, his entire body was tanned and he looked devilishly handsome in his suit and tie. His hair was lighter and more curly than it had been before, and it sat comfortably on Remus’ head. 

“Merlin, I should probably get into my suit, eh?” Sirius said, after he had finished inspecting James, Peter and Remus - though it was more staring when he it came to Remus. 

“Yeah, we don't want you being best man topless. “ Peter smirked as he stuffed his hands in his cruiser pockets. 

“Why? I look jaw-dropping, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

“Maybe to Mary but not to us, ” Remus raised a sarcastic eyebrow. Sirius hadn't told anyone about him and Mary, he wasn't even sure if there 𝘸𝘢𝘴 something to tell other than they had sex in the train bathroom. Sirius tried not to think about it during the summer because it felt kind of pointless. James had mentioned that Mary had a crush on Sirius but he changed the subject quickly. “Now get up, wanker, ” the three started to leave the room. 

Sirius scooted to the end of the bed and tried to stand up, but somehow, his cuts opened again. “Fuck, ” Sirius whispered as blood dripped onto the sheets. 

“You alright?” Remus said in the doorway. James and Peter were heading down the stairs but Remus stopped when hearing Sirius swear. 

“Yeah... Yeah just a little blood, won't kill me, ” he tried to stand up again but he couldn't exactly feel his legs. It was like he had pins and needles. 

“C’mere, ” Remus said, walking over to Sirius and sticking both hands out. Sirius looked at them confuse and then Remus grabbed Sirius’ hands and cautiously helped the injured boy off the bed. Remus’ hands were warm and it sent shivers through Sirius. 

They stood there, their hands together with Sirius gazing into Remus’ smoky-grey eyes and Remus staring into Sirius’ sapphire-blue eyes. They stayed there for a few moments when Remus leaned in the slightest bit, a small movement that Sirius was not sure had even happened. But, the small thing between them stopped when Andromeda appeared at the door. 

“Alright, lads?” she asked, a huge smirk across her face and her eyes half-squinted. Sirius snatched his hands back and moved his eyes towards his cousin. Remus smiled at Andromeda and left the room. “What was that about, Siri?” 

“What was what about? He helped me up, ” Sirius said, tilting his head to the side. 

“Are you...?” She stopped. It was clear that she was trying to find the right words. “You know I don't care if you are, it doesn't change anything, ” 

“You don't care if I'm... 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?” he said. She wasn't making any sense, giving him half sentences. 

“You know what, nevermind, ” she gave him a soft smile and pulled him into her arms. “Your tuxedo is in the wardrobe and I found an eyeliner in your coat pocket. You can wear it if you want, ” she winked at him and left. 

“What the bloody fuck was that about?” Sirius said aloud to himself. 

A big part of him wanted to wear the eyeliner, it made him look and feel cooler - or ‘punk’ as Kath had described it. But, he made a promise to himself the day he got his letter from Ted, that he would look as formal as he could. He owed it to the girl who had cared for him, protected him and loved him. 

Sirius was in his suit. He looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the back of the dark oak door. His boyish-features had become sharper and more defined. He looked older. If it wasn't for his shaggy, long hair, he probably wouldn't have recognised himself straight away. He was skinnier, it only just occurred to him that he hadn't eaten much this summer, dinner times meant sitting around a table with his parents and that was the last thing he wanted. But you couldn't see his figure through the white shirt and blazer (he thought that was a good thing, it meant James wouldn't be fussing over him and forcing food down his throat). 

His thighs were aching but if he didn't think about it, he could barely feel it. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it was eleven o'clock; the wedding started at two but he knew there would be a lot to help with. Andromeda and Ted were having the ceremony and after-party in their back garden, it was cheaper and easier to access - not to mention spacious and beautiful. 

Sirius was tightening up his shoes when Remus and James walked in again. 

“Alright, Sirius?” Remus asked. 

“Yeah, where's Pete?” Sirius said, he looked behind them but Peter wasn't there. 

“His mum called. How’re your legs?” James asked, looked slightly worried. 

“Fine, ” Sirius brushed them off with a smile. If he spoke about his legs, he would have to speak about his parents and he wasn't in the mood for that. He already knew that Andie would want to know exactly what occurred last night. 

“Andie said you need to drink this, ” James handed him a small glass full of something brown. “It looks like actual shit.”

“Maybe it is, all I ever do is talk shit, eh?” Sirius smirked. He was finally back with his friends, the world felt good again. 

“Just drink it, wanker, ” Remus said. 

“James!” Andie called from the bottom of the stairs, “your parents are here!” 

“If Effy and Fleamont are coming, why’re you here before ‘em?” Sirius asked, confused.

“I was staying with Remus in Wales, ” James said. He smiled and left the room to see his mother and father. 

Sirius gulped down the brown goop, it was incredibly sour and made him gag. “Ugh, it even 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘴 like shit!” 

“Tell me ‘bout it. I have to drink it after every full moon, it's some kind of healing potion. I’m not sure, I bet Marlene and Lily would know, “ Remus sat down on the edge of the bed and yawned. 

“Tired? There was a full moon four days ago, wasn't there?” 

“Three,” Remus said, leaning back against the sofa. 

“You should be resting, Moons, you're clearly knackered, ” 

“This is the first wedding I've been invited to, I wanted to come. Plus, I wanted to see you again, wanker, ” Remus grinned.

Sirius returned the grin and rolled his eyes, “everyone wants to see me, I’m a very busy guy, ” he said, sarcastically.

“Yeah, you're a ‘very busy guy’, “ Remus mocked, making small quotation marks with his hands. “But, honestly, I've been worried about you, Sirius, ” 

“Why? As you can see, I'm doing perfectly well, ” Sirius smirked. Once again, using jokes to divulge the fact that he was in pain. 

“You threw up on the train journey home because you were scared, your parents had tried to stop you from receiving any mail, you've been fucking 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥, mate. Don't try and tell me that you're not hurting, mentally or physically.”

“Listen, I 𝘢𝘮 fine. It's only when I'm there that I'm not. Don't worry about me, Moony, ” Sirius said.

“Well, I can't force you to tell me how you really are. Maybe James can, “ Remus stood up and started walking out. 

Sirius hated when Remus said things like that. Yeah, James was his closest friend, but he couldn't always keep a secret and he fussed over Sirius so much that it annoyed Sirius. He could talk to Remus about everything and anything and he wanted Remus to know that, he just wasn't in the mood to talk about his mother and the ‘torture’ he faces. “I'm sorry, okay? My mother raised me to think that being vulnerable was a weakness. If I don't wanna tell anyone how I am, I won't, ” Sirius was losing his temper now. The dull ache from the tears in his skin made him agitated and uncomfortable. 

“Yeah, sure, ” Remus said. He stood up and walked out, but he turned back around, “what happened between you and Mary?”

This was the last thing Sirius wanted to talk about, especially with the boy who had never had a crush or a girlfriend. “We had sex, and I don't wanna talk about it, ” 

Remus looked somewhat upset. He sighed and walked down the stairs. Sirius sighed, laid back down on his bed and closed his eyes. Hurting Remus gave him an insane amount of guilt and distress, he didn't know why but he really didn't like it. However, he knew he could talk to Remus about it another time, today was Andie’s day. 

\--

1:45 PM

“Sirius, can you do me a small favour...?” Andromeda asked as she pulled him into her bedroom. She was dressed in a gorgeous, velvet, snowy-white dress and her hair was pinned up at the top of her head. 

“Yeah, of course, anything, “ 

“Will you walk me down the aisle? I was gonna ask Alfred to do it but... he died. Dad won't come and do it and I really don't have--”

“Calm down, I'll do it, ” He smiled. Not only was he the best man, but he was also giving the bride away. He felt incredibly important. 

“Thank you so much, Siri, ” She pulled him into another hug. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘢‘𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘶𝘮, he said to himself. He often wondered how someone as kind as Andromeda could come out of such a horrible family as the Black’s. A huge part of him felt jealous, when the day was up, she was no longer a Black. He wished he could have that. 

\--

“You may kiss the bride, ” said Ted's best friend who was marrying them. They kissed and at that moment, Sirius was incredibly happy for them. He hadn't felt that happy in so long and it wasn't even for him. A true smile grew wider across his face. 

Sirius spent his time talking to Andie, Ted and people he didn't know. It wasn't that he was 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 to avoid his friends, it was just that if he spent the whole day with James, Remus and Peter, he would feel really bad. His friends spent most of their time in the corner talking to one another. Sirius had to fight the urge to go over there, they were like magnets and somehow he found himself walking over to them as the sun was going down. 

“Finally, thought you were avoiding us, ” James said as he drank some butterbeer. 

“Nope, just doing my part as best man, ” Sirius winked. He was craving a cigarette but knew that he shouldn't - especially with James around. 

“Is there any more cake? I’m huuuuungry, ” Peter moaned.

“You’ve had five slices, you're not having any more, ” Remus smirked. 

“𝘍𝘪𝘷𝘦?!” Sirius questioned, his mouth dropping open. 

“Merlin, Sirius, calm down, ” Ted said, appearing behind Sirius. “Have as much cake as you want... Peter, is it?” Peter nodded and looked at his hands nervously. The other three Peter hated meeting new people. “And you're James, you're Remus and...” he looked at Sirius, “Sorry, not ringing any bells. What's your name?” Ted joked. 

Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. “Shut up, Teddy, ” Sirius mocked, using the nickname only Andie gave him. 

“So, how come you didn't make Sirius Dora’s godfather?” James asked without thinking. Sirius thumped James on the arm. 

“Sorry, James has some mental issues, ” Sirius said. “It’s something called ‘massive fuckface’.” 

Ted chuckled and said: “no need for a godfather, nothing’ll happen to Andie and I so we won't need one, ” 

“Good point, mate. But, if you do want to hit James after what he said, I recommend in the stomach, ” Remus grinned.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Andie just sent me over here to make sure Sirius wasn't yelling at you guys, he's been taking things a little too seriously, ” 

“I know, he needs to chill, ” James smirked. 

“Do you guys know I'm standing right here?” Sirius smiled. A real smile. 

“Oh yeah, ” Ted said and he walked away. 

“I like him, ” Peter said once Ted was out of earshot. 

“Same, if he was in our year there would definitely be a fifth Marauder, ” said Remus. 

“You fucking prick!” Sirius said as he turned to James. “What were you thinking?”

“You said it yourself!” James defended. 

“No, I said ‘I wonder if Dora has a godfather’. I’m fourteen, I can't be a bloody godfather, ” 

“Sorry! I wasn't--”

“Thinking?” Remus, Sirius and Peter all said at once. 

“Yeah, that. Anyway, the map, ” James changed the subject. 

“I've done quite a lot during the summer, ” Remus stuffed his hands in his trouser pockets. 

“Good, did you add the Honeydukes tunnel?” Sirius asked. 

“Yup, and the four other secret passageway out of the castle, ” 

“I bet there’s more! We should try and find them this year, ” Peter chirped. 

“Yeah, I bet there’s 𝘭𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴!” James said. “Oh, guess what, Sirius.”

“Lily sent you another chocolate frog?” Sirius mocked. 

“Not yet... But I'm Quidditch Captain!” 

“What!? Merlin, James, that's bloody brilliant!” Sirius pulled James into a quick hug - or as they call it: a "brotherly hug" - and slapped him on the back. “Who’re the prefects? Mum didn't let me ‘ave my letter.”

“Fucking Snape, ” James said, rolling his golden-brown eyes. “I bet he gives us a detention for 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨!” 

“Ew, why would Dumbledore make 𝘩𝘪𝘮 a prefect?” Sirius said. “Well, what about Gryffindor?”

“Guess, ” said Peter. 

“Definitely Lily, probably you too, Remus, ” 

“How the fuck did you know?! I swear you're like some bloody psychic, all that fucking Divination studying.” Remus said, stuffing his hands as far as they would go inside his pockets. 

“It’s obvious. Lily acts like a prefect all the time anyway and McGonagall has some weird theory that you can ‘stop James and I from getting in trouble’.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 

“No one can stop you two from getting in trouble, it's in your blood, ” Peter said. 

“Too right, ” James smirked, slapping Peter on the back in a friendly manner - but causing Peter to yelp.

\--

11 PM

“Can’t you guys just stay the night?” Sirius moaned as James, Remus and Peter were getting ready to leave. 

“We spend ten months in the same dorm, mate, ” Remus said. He took a drink from a bottle of water. “Two nights and then we’ll be back together.” 

“Two nights is too long, ” Sirius said.

“Merlin, looks like someones tired. I forgot Sirius is only able to have early nights or he gets cranky, ” James joked. 

“Shut it, wanker, ” Sirius said, pulling James into head-lock. 

“Boys, don't make me get all adult-y on you, ” Andie said as she walked in the room, hand in hand with Ted. 

Sirius pulled away from James, looking slightly embarrassed. “Sorry. Is Dora asleep?” 

“Yup, you four are the only ones left. You should probably get going, ” said Andie. 

“Yeah, of course, “ Remus smiled and grabbed his bag that contained his suit and a few bottles of water. He was now wearing jeans and a tee-shirt. Remus and Sirius where wearing muggle clothes as usual and James and Peter stuck to their normal, wizard clothes. 

“Congratulations again, guys, ” James smiled politely. The boys all knew that James loved getting attention and respect from adults and they enjoyed making fun of him for it. 

“Thanks, James, ” Ted smiled. 

Andie looked at Sirius and said: “We’ll make a trip to Diagon Alley tomorrow for all your stuff, okay?” Sirius nodded. 

Sirius said his goodbyes to his friends. Although he was seeing them again in two days, he still didn't want them to leave. They made him feel comfortable, safe, happy and alive. Sometimes being with Andie couldn't fix everything, but with those three, everything was healed. 

“Thank you for today, Siri, ” Andie whispered as she walked with him up the stairs. The house was peaceful and quiet now, the only noise that could be heard was the light tapping of the rain that had started less than twenty minutes ago and Ted running the water from the bathroom. 

“Anything for you, Mrs Tonks, ” he smiled. They reached the top of the stairs and they waited for Ted to finish in the bathroom. 

“I have a gift for you... It can wait until tomorrow, though, ” Andie said. Before Sirius could say anything back, she walked passed her new husband and into the bathroom. He spent a few moments wondering what it could be but once he was in bed, he fell asleep almost instantly. The day had been long and beautiful but he was glad it was finally over. 

\--

31st August, 1975

Sirius and Andie had just entered Diagon Alley when two girls ran up to him, pulling h8m in a tight hug. 

“Sirius!” they both said in unison.

“Marls? Lily?” Sirius said.

“Hey, mate! How are you? How was your summer?” Marlene replied. 

“Let him 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦!” Lily said, hitting her best friend lightly on the arm. 

“Are you gonna introduce me, Sirius?” Andromeda said from Sirius’ side.

“Oh, you're Andromeda, aren't you?” Lily smiled, Andie nodded. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Yeah, Sirius talks about you like you saved the bloody world, ” Marlene joked, causing Sirius to turn scarlet. Andie gave her cousin a side hug.

“I’ll let you three catch up, I'll be in Gringotts if you need me, ” Andromeda walked off.

The three bought the books they needed, talked an awful lot and looked at brooms that they knew they wouldn't buy (Lily didn't want to look but Sirius and Marlene forced her to). Somehow, Sirius managed not to talk about his mother and the pain she had inflicted on him. He did mention how he got to Andie’s in the middle of the night - which they found absolutely hilarious and shocking. 

Sirius 𝘥𝘪𝘥 notice something strange, though. Lily kept touching him on the shoulder, on the back or “accident”. At first, he didn't think anything of it, but when she kept saying his name, he began to worry about it. Lily was James’ girl (even if she didn't want to be) and they were made for each other. They would get married, have a kid or two and grow old together, it was clear that even if Lily didn't like James in the present moment in time, she would end up falling for him. It made Sirius slightly uncomfortable but he decided that he should not jump to any conclusions until he knew for certain what was going on. 

\--

That evening, Andie came downstairs and began to play Queen on her record player. Sirius missed listening to muggle music. She had a small chestnut box under her arm and she placed it next to Sirius on the armchair. 

“What’s this?” Sirius asked as he lifted it into his hands cautiously. 

“Open it and see, ” Andie said, sitting next to Ted and taking Nymphadora into her arms. Sirius carefully opened the lid to reveal several chunky silver rings. He looked at them, confused as to why his cousin had given them to him. 

“What’re these for?” he asked, lifting one out of the box and placing it in his hand. It had a lion’s head on it with small, red eyes. 

“For your fingers, you tosser, ” Ted chuckled. 

“They were from Uncle Alphard. He left them to me in his will with a note that said they were for you, ” She smiled softly. 

“Oh yeah... He told me about a birthday present that I’d have to wait until the summer to get... But he died before he could give them to me, ” He said. He placed one onto his middle finger, it fitted perfectly. “Thanks for giving them to me.”

“They’re yours anyway, Siri, ” She smiled. 

They spent their night listening to records and talking. Ted, Andie and Dora were sat on the sofa and Sirius on the armchair (he felt as if he wasn't part of their little family so he shouldn't try to squeeze on the sofa when there was already not enough room for the three of them). Sirius couldn't wait to go to sleep, he always thought that the quicker you go to sleep, the quicker the next day will come. 

As he laid in bed, his eyes shut, he thought about school. He was sure he was one of the only people in the country to prefer school to the summer. But, now and then, he would get flashes of what happened at the House Of Black and it was almost as if he could feel the Cruciatus Curse was slicing through his skin again. His mind drifted off to his brother and how different Regulus acted when they were at school. 

He remembered the words Bellatrix had said to him before the train journey: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳. He wasn't sure why he kept thinking of that sentence. He wasn't even queer. But, why would anyone judge someone on who they love? Sirius didn't think it was anyone's business or that it was something that you should be judged on. 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺, Sirius reminded himself, 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰 “𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨“? 

He fell asleep thinking about this.


	13. The Library Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO excited to write this year! I'll be writing as much as I can as I'm going back to school soon :(.

1st September, 1975

“Sirius! We thought you wouldn't make it!” Lily chirped as Sirius entered the carriage. He was drunk, a cigarette in his smirking mouth, bulky silver rings on his fingers and eyeliner smudged messily under his eyes. Andie and Ted had to go out and take Dora somewhere, so Sirius had been left alone in the house for two hours and then he had to make his own way to Kingscross station. He got bored, incredibly bored, so he searched the house for some vodka - and was highly successful - and dug his cigarettes out. At the very last minute, he spread the stolen eyeliner onto his face, making him look and feel confident and happy. He was wearing a black pair of Andromeda’s Doc Martins that he found tucked in the very back of her wardrobe and a leather jacket that hung inside the wardrobe of the bedroom he was sleeping in, it as a note in the top pocket that told him that it was for him. 

“Bloody hell, what’re you wearing?” Peter said, flabbergasted. The others sat there, staring at Sirius in shock. Remus kept looking at Sirius up and down (so did Mary) and James was looking, his jaw clenched, at the cigarette that was burning in his mouth. Marlene was smiling, looking rather proud and Dorcas and Lily were furrowing their brows. 

He sat next to Remus, across from James and puffed some smoke out - making James cough dramatically and giving Dorcas the chance to whack James on the back multiple times. 

“Can you not smoke in here, please, ” James said, looking irritated. 

“Sorry, Grandma, ” Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes to the back of his head, throwing the cigarette on the ground and putting it out with his boot. 

“Are you... Are you drunk?” Dorcas asked. Sirius rested an arm on Remus’ shoulder and nodded. “It’s eleven in the morning!”

“And what the bloody hell is that on your 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦?!” Peter asked, even more shocked than he was when Sirius first entered the compartment. 

“Eyeliner, ” He said calmly. 

“But 𝘸𝘩𝘺?” Peter questioned. 

“Makes me look cool, bitch, ” 

“Makes you look like a girl...” Peter mumbled.

“So? It looks good, Pete, shut it, ” Marlene argued. “Where did you get it?”

“Stole it, ” 

“From Andromeda?” Lily asked.

“Nah, a random girl, ” Even drunk, Sirius knew the things he wanted to keep secret. 

“Great...” James whispered.

“I don't know what the fuck your problem is, James, but stop acting like a royal twat, ” Sirius said, not entirely sure he had said it. 

“Let’s find another compartment, ” James stood up and walked out. He was followed by Dorcas, Lily, Peter and Mary (though Mary didn't want to find another compartment, Lily grabbed her arm and pulled her out).

Sirius sat there with Remus and Marlene. He got out another cigarette. “Mind if I ‘ave one?” he asked; they shook their heads. “Do you two want one?” they both nodded and took one, Sirius lit them with his lighter - he preferred lighting them the muggle way, it seemed cooler.

“Nice jacket, mate, ” Marlene said to fill the empty silence. 

“Thanks, I think it was Ted’s but it was in my wardrobe with my name on it, ” Sirius said. He didn't want everyone thinking he was the type of person to steal things (even if he had stolen countless packets of cigarettes, a few vodka bottles, Monicas eyeliner, Andies boots). 

“If you wanna get in the Quidditch team, you might wanna be nicer to James, ” Remus said quietly. 

“Yeah, probably. But if I wanna smoke, he can fuck off if he doesn't like it, ” Sirius grumbled. “You smoke too.”

“Yeah, when you have them. Look, I don't wanna get in an argument, but I know it'll crush you if you don't get on the Quidditch team.” 

“I think James would let Sirius on the Quidditch team even if Sirius wasn't in the school, ” Marlene joked. They all laughed, glad the weight of the room had been lifted. 

“Remus, ” Lily said as she entered the compartment after only fifteen minutes of leaving. “We have a prefect meeting.”

“I don't even want to be a prefect, ” Remus said under his breath as he stood up and followed Lily out.

“So, you and Mary, eh?” Marlene smirked. 

“What did she tell you?” 

“Only that you're the ‘one’. She wrote a big ass letter to me about you and her in the bathroom, ” 

“She made me promise not to tell anyone.” Sirius rolled his eyes. He already knew it wasn't like Mary to keep a secret. “Well, we aren't even dating.”

“She wants you to be though,” Marlene smirked as she reached for another cigarette.

“What?” 

“She’s gonna ask you to never boyfriend later.” 

“Why? Why would 𝘴𝘩𝘦 want 𝘮𝘦?”

“Beats me, you're clearly in love with yourself already, ” 

“Yeah, no one can ever replace my love for Sirius Black, ” he joked. 

Marlene giggled. “Did you know Dorcas had a little thing for Remus last year?”

“What?! Merlin, why didn't she ask him out?”

“She said she did and he turned her down without a hesitation, ” 

“Merlin’s tits, he’s never even had a girlfriend, why would he turn Dorcas down?”

“Not a clue, but she says she’s... She says she's done with boys, ” Marlene said, biting her lip. “Forever...”

“Oh...” Sirius wasn't sure what to say. If she was ‘done with boys’ was she moving onto girls? He didn't want to ask that in case it came across insensitive and rude so he stayed quiet. They spent the remaining of the train journey joking about stupid, unimportant things and laughing out loud. Sirius’ packet of cigarettes was nearly empty by the time the train arrived at Hogwarts. 

\--

The meal was the same as usual - tremendous, delicious and filling - but only Mary, Marlene and Remus were talking to him. He sat sandwiched between Remus and Marlene with Mary opposite and spent a lot of his time feeling guilty and trying to exchange glances with James and failing. Sirius received glares from other students who didn't enjoy seeing the makeup under his tired eyes but he didn't mean. He loved making people stare at him, whether they were throwing him dirty looks or looking at him with heart eyes or simply just smiling kindly as they passed in the corridors. Being the centre of attention was something he - and James - would jump for the opportunity.

As the meal ended, Sirius - who was now a lot soberer than he had been on the train - stood up and tried grabbed Regulus’ arm when they both left the Great Hall at the same time. 

“Sirius? What do you want?” Regulus hissed.

“How was it after I left?” Sirius asked, worried that they had hurt his little brother. 

“Mum yelled at Dad for a few hours and he yelled back but that was it.” 

“Did you go to Diagon Alley?” 

“Yes, Sirius, ” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. “You smell of cigarettes again and you look ridiculous.” 

“Yeah... I’ll see you ‘round then, Reg, ” Sirius sighed. He wanted to talk to his brother, he wanted an actual conversation but it was pretty clear that they were only on good terms when no one else was around. Regulus nodded and walked off; Sirius began walking towards the Gryffindor Common Room when Remus appeared. 

“Hey, you alright?” Remus asked as they walked up one of the moving staircases. 

“Yeah, just making sure Reg was okay.” 

“Was he?” Sirius nodded. “Are 𝘺𝘰𝘶 okay?” Remus asked, stopping in his tracks and holding Sirius’ forearm. 

“I...” Sirius took a deep breath. He thought that he should probably tell someone what happened during the summer since he avoided every question on the topic, and he decided Remus would be the perfect person. But, before he could start his sentence again, Mary emerged from behind. 

“Sirius! Can I talk to you?” She said. Remus dropped his gentle grip on Sirius and began walking again, leaving them behind. 

"Sure..." he said, knowing exactly what she was going to talk about. She leaned in and kissed him, hard. He kissed her back, not exactly wanting to but wanting to at the same time. 

“Be my boyfriend.” She said quickly as she pulled away from his lips. He blinked. 

Instead of saying the simple three-letter-word, he kissed her again. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't manage the small, effortless word that he needed to say. It wasn't as if he didn't love Mary, he did. Maybe it wasn't the way she wanted him to but it wouldn't be bad if he became her boyfriend just to make her happy. Right? 

\--

That night, Mary would occasionally link her hands with his and kiss his cheek, lips or - rarely - his neck. The others didn't ask questions, it was clear they were together now, but not everyone seemed very happy to see them together. Remus wouldn't look up from his book unless absolutely necessary and Marlene would often shoot Sirius a face of confusion every few minutes. Lily was looking everywhere other than at the new couple. 

But, once he was in the dorm, the boys began asking questions - even James who had been silent towards Sirius for quite some time. 

“So, you two dating?” Peter asked as he sat cross-legged on his bed, noisily opening a liquorice wand. 

“Yup. We did have sex on the train.” Sirius said, forgetting that only Remus knew about this. Sirius glanced at Remus for a second - not sure why he’d done it - to see his friend with his nose buried in his book and his jaw clenched.

“What? You didn't even tell me, Sirius! I asked and asked and asked and you said that you and Mary kissed and that was it! I can't believe you didn't tell me!” James said, sounding more upset than angry. 

“She made me promise not to say anything to anyone, I couldn't tell you.” Sirius defended. 

“You fucking stud!” Peter chuckled. 

“I’m sorry, James, ” Sirius said, ignoring Peter. “I wanted to tell you, I really did. But every time I got close, I remembered how she said she would be upset if I told someone. I didn't wanna upset her.” 

“Okay,” James said as he crawled into his bed. “Night.”

“Night, ” they all said back. That was their cue to all go to bed.

\--

10th September, 1975,

Sirius and James were back to being their usual friendly selves and where swapping animagus notes. Sirius had done almost three times the amount that James had done but overall, they had a good quantity of research. They decided they would begin to practice the spell in a week or so once they had gotten back into the routine of being back at school and weren't so tired from studying and homework. 

While Sirius was on his way to the Library to meet up with Lily and Remus for some studying that Remus was forcing him to do, Professor McGonagall stopped him and asked him to step into her office. 

“Everythin’ alright, Professor?” Sirius asked, nervous about what this could be revolving. 

“I had a letter from the Ministry Of Magic, apparently you used magic once during the holiday. Is this true?”

“Oh... Yeah, I did. I had to, though. It was a life or death situation!” Sirius said dramatically. 

“Why? What door did you need to unlock during the summer?” 

“Mother dearest locked me in my room and I had to go to Andromeda’s wedding. Did you know she's married to Ted Tonks now? Yeah, they've got a baby too! My family thought it was outrageous that she was marrying a muggle-born but I don't see the issue--”

“Sirius, get to the point. Why was it a ‘life or death situation’?” she said, cutting him off. 

“Because if I stayed in my room, my mum might’ve... She could’ve done something to me, ya know?” he said, unsure was words would be the right ones to use. 

“No, I don't know. Explain please, the last thing you want is to be expelled from Hogwarts because you had to unlock a 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳.”

“My mum uses the Cruciatus Curse on me, okay? She locked me in my room when she found my cigarettes and she fucking tortured me, okay? I had to get out, it was for my own fucking safety. Is that 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰 terrible?” he said, his voice raised. He was angry, he didn't want to talk about this, he had other things to do. 

“Why didn't you tell me sooner, Sirius? She's 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 you. I always knew she was harsh on her children but I didn't imagine she would do this to you. Does she do it to Regulus too?”

Sirius was crying now. Only a few tears spilt from his face but it was too embarrassing for him. He was 𝘧𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯, he shouldn't be crying in front of a teacher. “No, juh-just me.”

“Okay, thank you. If you need to talk to somebody about this, you know where to find me, ” she smiled, her face softening up to him. 

He walked out and wiped his tears as quick as he could. He began walking to the library again. 

\--

It had just turned nine o'clock and Sirius closed his Potions book. “I hate Potions. Lily, you do it for me.” he groaned. 

“I would, Sirius, ” She smiled. Sirius furrowed his brows, she was being incredibly kind to him this year. It was strange, nice but strange. Something was up and he wanted to know what it was. 

“Let’s go to Hogsmeade this weekend, yeah?” Remus said, now closing his book and screwing the lid on his ink bottle. 

“Yeah, I'm up for that.” Sirius said.

“Sirius, do you want to study here again tomorrow?” Lily asked, still smiling. 

“Yeah, us three have every night this week.”

She leaned across the table and spoke quietly so that only Sirius would hear, “I meant just us...” 

Remus’ head whipped up, looking confused and slightly shocked. 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, Sirius said to himself. 

“Oh?” Sirius didn't know what to say. “Sure?” 

She smiled even wider - though Sirius was not sure how that was possible - and left the library quickly. 

“What the bloody hell was that about?” Sirius said to Remus.

“How would I know? I don't have all the answers.”

“But you're the smartest person I know, ” Sirius whispered with his back to Remus. 

“I’m also the coolest person you know, ” Remus said, the smile could be heard in his voice. 

“You are, you and Marlene are the coolest people I know, ” Sirius admitted. He turned around and Remus was looking at him. 

There were only approximately three inches between them. Sirius could feel his stomach fill with butterflies but he wasn't sure why. His eyes drifted from Remus’ light grey eyes to his rosy lips and he licked his lips unaware that he was doing so. Remus leaned in slightly and Sirius did the same. There was less than an inch between them and Sirius could feel Remus’ hot breath on his skin. He felt suddenly dizzy and lightheaded. 

But as Remus leant in again, Madam Pince walked around the corner and slammed a book on the table, making Sirius and Remus jump as far apart as they could. 

“I told you boys to leave the library an 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳 ago!” She said in a stern voice, not noticing how both of the boys were glowing red. 

“Sorry, ” Remus mumbled as he picked up his books and left without looking back. 

“Yeah, sorry, ” Sirius said, putting a book back and rushing out. He wasn't entirely sure what happened back there but he wanted to know. He tried to find Remus but he couldn't. However, he didn't want to go back to the dorm. 

He fancied some chocolate and he knew that Remus would always be up for some chocolate; so Sirius rushed back to the dorm and grabbed the Invisibility Cloak - luckily James was in the shower and Peter had fallen asleep reading, but still no Remus - and snuck out of the common room, and in through the Honeydukes cellar. He crept up the stairs to find the sweetshop empty. The boy walked over to the chocolate stand and took as many as he could - 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯‘𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘐‘𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, he told himself so he wouldn't feel guilty - and snuck back out again. As he entered the common room, he took the cloak off and intended to just walk up to bed but Mary approached him. 

“Where’ve you been?” She asked. 

“Library, why?” 

“Just wanted to make sure you weren't seeking off with some other girl, ” She smiled and kissed him. 

“I’m pretty tired, Mare, mind if I just go to bed?” He smiled. Sirius wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, he had to figure out what happened in the library first. 

“Noooooo, pleeeeeaaaase!” she whined. 

“C’mon, I've got a headache.” he kissed her again. “Goodnight”

He walked up the stairs without turning back around to avoid seeing the disappointment on her face. He hadn't been spending much time with her but somehow he always had other things to do when she wanted to go hang out. He knew he would have to spend a lot of time with her in the next week since it was her birthday, but for now, he had other things on his mind. Like Remus. 

He entered the dormitory and James, Peter and Remus were all asleep. 𝘐𝘵‘𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦, he said confused as he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he walked out, he took the twenty chocolate bars and put them on his bed while he got changed. He listened carefully to Remus’ breathing and could tell that his best friend wasn't asleep yet, he was only faking it. So, Sirius stuck his hand through the closed curtains with a bar of chocolate and waited for Remus to take it. Once he had, Sirius simply went back to his own bed and attempted to fall asleep. 

How could he sleep when he was so confused about what happened? Sirius thought about it over and over and over again. He thought about what might have happened if Madam Pince hadn't walked in, but he was so unsure that none of it made sense. He spent the entire night thinking about it and he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. 

\--

11th September, 1975,

“Why couldn't we ask Remus to come? He always helps me with Astronomy, ” Sirius sighed when he had reached a part in a book that he didn't fully understand.

“Because Remus said he had things to do,” Lily said.

“Like what? He’s not a very busy guy, ” Sirius chuckled.

“Things! I dunno, he's a very secretive person, ” 

“Yeah... He is...” Sirius said, remembering what happened the night before. He’d tried to forget about it today but he was still so confused. 

“Anyway, I could help you, “ she said, moving from her chair opposite to a chair next to him. He felt himself stiffen as she sat closer to him. He had a girlfriend and Lily was off-bounds (she had been since the day James said in Charms “I’m gonna marry that girl” when she hit him on the back of the head for calling Severus a “greasy little toad”).

“You don't even take astronomy, ” Sirius yawned. 

“You look like you haven't slept, we can always finish this off tomorrow if you want, ” she smiled softly and placed a hand on his forearm. 

“I’m not studying on a Saturday, Lils, ” he laughed. “I think I am too tired for this, though.” he began to pack up his books and parchment. 

“Let’s go to Hogsmeade together, ” she said quickly. 

“We’re all going tomorrow anyway, ” 

“I meant just us...” She said, repeating the words from the night before. Sirius turned to face her and looked her dead in the eye. 

“What’s going on here? Why do you keep wanting to hang out with me alone?” He asked. 

“I--” she began but Sirius cut her off. 

“I have a girlfriend and James would rip me into pieces and feed me to a bunch of ducks if I ever tried to be more than friends with you. Don't do this, Lily, just don't.” he took his stuff and walked out. 

As he was walking up the stairs, he heard footsteps run up to him. “Lily, I said 𝘥𝘰𝘯‘𝘵!”

“Merlin, do I really look like a red-headed girl?” Remus laughed. 

“Oh... Sorry, Moons, I thought you were... Nevermind, what's up?” Sirius hadn't spoken to Remus properly since the night before. 

“I just wanted to say thanks for the chocolate. And I heard your conversation with Lily in the library, I think everyone did. You should really learn to keep your voice down, mate, ” 

“Was I really that loud?” Sirius asked, Remus nodded. “Shit... I don't want James to find out, he’d probably kill me. He’ll tear me apart with his bare hands, ” 

“He would. I won't tell him, you won't and Lily definitely won't. But the library was pretty full and if lots of people heard then...”

“Shit... What should I do?” Sirius asked.

“How would I know?”

“I told you, you're the smartest person I know,” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

Remus sighed and looked at the ground. Sirius could have sworn he saw his best friend blush slightly. “Tell James before someone else does is probably the best option...”

“Really?” Sirius asked; Remus nodded, his eyes still stuck on the floor. “Okay, I'll take your word on it, mate. But can you be there? I want someone else to make sure James doesn't kidnap me on his broom and drop me in the Black Lake.”

“Yeah, of course... He’s your best friend, he can't hate you forever, ” Remus said as they began walking to the common room again. 

“He won't have to if I'm dead, ” Sirius joked, covering the worry in his voice. 

\--

They waited in the dorm for James to get back from his run - ever since he became captain he’s been exercising like mad, trying to get Sirius to join in but Sirus always said no. They finished off another bad of chocolate and sat mostly in silence, unsure why to say after the strange occurrence of the night before. But, Sirius jumped up as soon as James entered the dorm. 

“James! I need to talk to you, ” 

“Yeah, you bloody do. What the 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬!? I’ve just been told by Genevieve Delacour that Lily asked you out! What the 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬, Sirius?!” James yelled, slamming the dorm door shut.

“I said no! I told her that I won't ever go out with her because you're my best friend and you mean 𝘸𝘢𝘺 more to me than she does!” Sirius defended. 

“Is that why you studied with her today? 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺?”

“James, I didn't think anything of it, I just thought she wanted to study!” 

“Bull shit, we all know you would jump to any opportunity of a girl being obsessed with you, even though you already have a girl head over heels in love with you,” James shouted, backing away from Sirius with a face of disgust. 

“Leave Mary out of--”

“I’m not talking about Mary, ” James said, his jaw clenched. “I’m talking about Marlene!”

“She’s my best friend and she knows that! Please, James, just listen: I would never be more than friends with Lily, I care about you too much.”

“Fuck off, ” James said as he headed to the bathroom. 

“James Fleamont Potter, stop acting like a child and understand how much you mean to Sirius and that he would never do anything to hurt you! I heard him turn her down, he wouldn't ever make a move on Lily and you know it!” Remus yelled, finally speaking up and sounding like an angry mother. He rushed to block the bathroom door so James couldn't escape. 

“I’m never talking to him again,” James said, his voice sounding calm, angry and upset at the same time. 

“You actually gonna let a girl ruin your friendship. He’s your brother, James, ” Remus said in a hushed voice but Sirius could still here. 

“He’s not my brother and he never had been, ” James said, pushing past Remus and slamming the bathroom door shut. 

Sirius could feel his heart break. He closed his eyes, hoping that he’ll wake up and tho would have all been a dream. 

“Sirius...” Remus whispered. “He’ll come around, I know it, ” 

“I hate myself, how could I have been so stupid?” Sirius muttered, more to himself than to Remus. 

“C’mere, ” Remus said, wrapping his arms around Sirius.


	14. The Most Confusing Birthday

3rd November, 1975,

James had been avoiding Sirus for just under a week now and it was agony for Sirius. Only sixteen days in and he had already gotten into two arguments with his best friend; he kept pinching himself every few hours, just to see if he was dreaming. He wasn't. Oh, how he wished he was. He wished he was pulling pranks with the Marauders, working on the map, sneaking under the Invisibility Cloak even though there wasn't much room for them anymore, listening to music on his record player and playing wizards chess or exploding snap on the beds. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, though he wasn't sure if that would ever happen. 

Not only was he worried he wouldn't get his best friend back, but he was also stressing about Remus and the feeling he got when they were inches apart or when Remus comforted him. A part of him wanted to spend as much time with Remus as humanly possible, but another part of him wanted to stay away from his roommate because it only ever led to more confusion and pressure to find out what was happening when they were alone together. 

But, that wasn't it. There were Mary and Marlene. James said that Marlene was “head over heels in love” with Sirius. But she was one of his closest friends and he didn't believe it, but when they walked to lessons together, he couldn't help but think about what James said. And Mary wouldn't leave him alone, she was clingy and always tried to be in his arms (which he would normally love, but it seemed incredibly annoying now. He didn't understand why, though, she was his girlfriend but he wasn't sure if he wanted her to be, but he didn't want to break up with her all the same). 

Fifthly, Regulus. He was acting shady, sneaking around the castle late at night - Sirius caught him one evening when he was on his way to take some chocolate for Remus who had been stressing recently - and not turning up to every meal and receiving more mail than usual. 

Sirius was worried about so many different people and things that he felt as if the weight would squash him into oblivion. But, today was his birthday. He would have to put on a happy face and be around a lot of people he didn't want to talk to even though he had a migraine that made him feel almost like a hammer was being struck into his skull. Sirius didn't get migraines very often, but he had them, they were appalling. 

It was late evening and he had been ignoring the headache all day, but as night crept in, it grew worse. He was cuddling in bed with Mary and she kept trying to make him do what he didn't want to. Mary somehow managed to break the spell that wouldn't let boys into the girls’ dormitory but he was now wishing she hadn't. 

She moved her hand down his stomach and he pulled her hand back up. She tried again. “Mare, come on, I don't want to,” he said, grabbing her hand yet again. 

“Why?” she asked. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, he said to himself. 

“Because I'm--” he stopped when he realised that she was, for the third time, sliding her hand down his chest. “That’s it.”

He stood up and left the room, passing Marlene and Dorcas on the way. He stormed back to his room, his head pounding. Sirius entered the dorm as quietly as he could and jumped face-first onto his bed. 

Although it had been over two months since his mother had sliced his thighs, they opened that night when he landed on them. He made a muffled scream and kept gasping until he was laying on his back. He closed his eyes, praying that the pain would disappear.

“Sirius? Sirius, what happened?” Remus’ worried voice said from behind the curtains of his bed. When he didn't receive and answer, Remus got up to see what was up with Sirius. “What-- you're bleeding, ” 

“I’m fine, Moons, don't worry.” Sirius smiled, trying to hide how much pain he was in. 

“Take your shorts off, ” Remus said as he searched through the drawer beside their beds. 

“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?!” Sirius asked, shocked. The boys had seen him in nothing but boxers, so why was he so surprised and confused by this? 

“C’mon, I've got some stuff that'll help with the cuts, ” Remus got out a small pot of something white. 

“I--”

“Just do it, wanker, ” Remus joked, rolling his eyes.

Sirius obeyed. He took his shorts off, almost carefully and worriedly; Remus sat next to him. 

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Remus said in a hushed voice, Sirius nodded. Cautiously, Remus applied the cream to Sirius’ horizontal cuts, making the bit wince every few moments. He yelped and Remus stopped and looked at Sirius concerned. 

“Are you done?” Sirius asked, not able to look down at his thighs. 

“Nealy, just let me cast a spell, okay?” Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket and cast a silencing spell around the best make sure that Sirius didn't wake James or Peter up. “Okay, take my hand” (Sirius obeyed) “This last bit’s pretty deep so it’ll most likely hurt, but I promise it’ll help, ” 

“Are you sure?” Sirius said, his voice shaky with fear that it'll sting too much. 

"I promise, " Remus whispered, squeezing Sirius’ hand ever so slightly. Sirius nodded and closed his eyes as tight as he could and waited for the burning to end. It did, quicker than he had imagined. He opened his eyes and Remus was smiling softly. “Goodnight...” He said and began walking back to his bed. 

“Stay...” Sirius whispered, his voice cracking. 

Remus turned around slowly and got into Sirius’ bed again. Sirius laid down next to him and looked up at the ceiling. “I’ll always stay, Sirius; just say the word and I'll be here.”

Gradually, he turned to face Remus and gazed at his foggy-grey eyes; they were sharing a pillow now, barely any space between them. 𝘕𝘰 𝘔𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘮 𝘗𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, Sirius thought as he licked his lips. Remus did the same. 

The next thing that occurred was one of the most beautiful moments in Sirius’ life. 

Remus leaned in and gently kissed Sirius on the lips. He continued to kiss him. And he kissed Remus back. And they were kissing. 

They were kissing. 

They kissed for a few minutes, the entire world disappearing around them. They were the only people in the universe. Remus was the only thing in the universe, the only thing that mattered. Remus’ warmth, his calmness, his scent, his strange but amazing sense of control, his touch, his lips. It was the only this valuable and worth living for. Sirius found himself wanting this moment to never end. 

But it did. Remus pushed Sirius away (it was more of a shove in Sirius’ opinion).

“Sorry, you're with Mary, ” Remus said and he got up and left. 

“Moons...” Sirius whispered into the darkness, hoping that Remus would come back. He didn't. 

Sirius carefully lifted his hand and traced his lips, almost as if he could make Remus come back by this simple gesture. He closed his eyes and his headache came back into his head, stringer than it had before. For some reason, it felt like Remus had erased the migraine with his presence. 

Sirius didn't get any sleep again. A part of him was worried that if he fell asleep, he would wake up and realise that it had all been a dream. But it wasn't and he was both glad and scared about that. 

\--

8th November, 1975,

It had been almost a week since the kiss, the kiss that Sirius would do anything for another taste of. But, how could he achieve that when Remus was avoiding him? Maybe Remus felt guilty or worried or embarrassed or disappointed or stress or hurt. He didn't know, but he knew that if Remus wanted another kiss, Sirus wouldn't say no (in fact, he would willingly jump to the opportunity). 

All of this made it even harder to be near Mary. But, luckily, James announced that the Quidditch trials were in a week so that gave him something to do and go to try and clear his head. 

After an hour spent flying, Sirius strolled back to the common room, his hair still tied at the top of his head with a hair tie he had stolen from Marlene. He noticed Remus look up from his book and gaze at Sirius, his mouth partly open, but Sirius tried not to look, the memory of Remus’ lips against his was too much of a temptation and would lead to even more confusion. 

So, he headed to his dorm, craving a cold shower. As he walked into his dorm room, he saw Marlene and Dorcas snogging on his bed. He stopped in his tracks, his mouth hung open in shock and watched as Dorcas pushed Marlene away to try and make it look as if they weren't kissing. 

“Marlene?” he said, his mouth still open. 

“Hey, Sirius, ” she smiled, her face red. “Come with me a sec, ” she stood up and rushed to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bathroom. 

“What was that?” he asked, sitting on the closed toilet lid. 

“I... I’m gay, ” she said, holding her breath. He stayed silent for a moment or two, not knowing what to say. Instead of speaking something that could be wrong and offensive to her, he stood up and pulled her into a huge, warm hug. 

“I don't care, you're still my Marlene, ” he said, kissing the top of her golden hair.

“Thank Merlin you're okay with it, I thought that... Because of your family, you would be...” 

“Well, I'm not, I don't see any need to be, really, ” he smirked and sat back down. She slid down the door and sat on the floor. “Actually, there's something 𝘐 need to tell 𝘺𝘰𝘶.”

“Okay, shoot, ” she smiled. He fiddled in his pocket for his wand and pulled it out, he mumbled a silencing spell to make sure that the secret would stay between the two. 

“Remus kissed me, ” he said, it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “And I kissed him back.”

“Oh, wow, uh... When?”

“My birthday, ” 

“And did you...?”

“Enjoy it?” he asked, finishing her sentence and receiving a nod from her. “Oh yeah, it's all I've been able to think about, I can't even look at him without wanting him to push me against a--”

“Woah! I don't need to know all the details, ” she laughed, covering her face in slight embarrassment.

“Sorry, there's no one else I can talk to about this...”

“What about talking to Remus?” she said. 

“I can't! He’s the one who pulled away first and mentioned Mary for fuck’s sake!” Sirius sighed.

“So he kissed you and then he pulled away?” Sirius nodded. “And then he mentioned 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺?”

“Yeah...”

“You're still dating her, aren't you?”

“Yeah... If I wanna break up with her I need a reason other than ‘I kissed my best friend and you annoy the shit out of me sometimes’. “

“You don't need a reason, you didn't when you broke up with me, ” she joked.

“I did, not a good one but still one.” he smiled. 

“Youll have to find a way to break up with Mary... Or make her break up with you.”

“Heh, that won't work. She never leaves me alone, ” 

“Okay, but do you like Remus? As in more than friends?”

“Marls, how am I supposed to know? He kissed me and all I can think about is kissing him again and again and again and--”

“Okay, I get the point, ” she joked. 

“I need your help, you're the only one who can help me, ” 

“I'm flattered, but I haven't a clue...”

“Okay, what happened with you and Dorcas then? How did you two become a thing?”

“We aren't really a thing... We just kiss, ” 

“Yeah, on my bed!” He said, his face painted with a smile. 

“Sorry ‘bout that... Not really, it was actually really good, ”

“Merlin, Marls, you’re in love with her, aren't you?” he smiled, he was extremely happy for his friend but couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. 

“I dunno... I might be...” she told the story of how she and Dorcas first kissed and how everything went from there. She explained how Dorcas had kissed her one night in October when they were in the Library alone and how whenever they could get some time without any interruptions, they would sneak off and kiss (in cupboards, in empty hallways, in bathrooms. Everywhere they could be alone together). At first, it was only a few times a week and then it became a necessity, they couldn't leave each other alone and Sirius was imagining what it would be like to have that with Remus. 

“So, how could I... Try and kiss him again?” he asked after she finished her story. 

“You clearly can't be with Mary, he won't do that. Don't worry about wanting to kiss him and worry about your bloody girlfriend.”

Sirius sighed, he knew it would be hard but he was sure he could do it. “Thanks, Marls. I wish I could talk to James about it... Or about anything but he's still angry at me.”

“He’ll come around, I promise, ” 

“Yeah...” they stood up and opened the bathroom door. The dorm was empty. 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥.

“Merlin, Sirius, you scared my girlfriend off, ” she smirked. 

“Has Dorcas told James?” he said, wanting to know how James would react. 

“Yeah, he was fine with it. Acted the same way you did when I told you, ” she smiled. It was enough to make him feel better but he was certainly worried about how everyone else would take this news. But, as Marlene said, he would worry about one thing at a time: Mary. 

\--

18th November, 1975,

Quidditch trials had finished two days ago and now Sirius was waiting for James to announce the new Gryffindor team. Sirius was positive he would get in; he knew that even though he and James weren't on good terms, Sirius would, of course, be let into the Gryffindor team - after all, he was one of their best players. He was one-hundred-percent sure that Marlene would get in, too. She always played amazingly and Sirius was constantly envious of her brilliant skills. He and Marlene had never been this close and he was so thankful to have her with him even if was still confused about it. 

James had called a meeting in the common room for every person who had tried out for the team and he waited for everyone to arrive. Once they did, he stood up and called out the names of the new team. Sirius made a sigh of relief when Marlene’s name was called but something shocking happened. 

Sirius’ name was never called. 

When everyone had left the common room, either chuffed they got in or upset that they didn't, Sirius went over to James. 

“James, you... Uh... You didn't say my name, was there a mistake?” Sirius asked, sounding awkward and nervous. 

“Nope, no mistake, “ James said, looking blankly into Sirius’ eyes. 

“Oh... So I’m... I’m not in the team?”

“No, Sirius, you're not in the team.”

“Get over yourself, James, you’ve pushed away your best friend because of a girl. Get a grip, mate, stop being so pathetic, ” an angry voice said from behind Sirius. “We all know Sirius is one of the best players the team has ever seen and probably ever will see.”

“Marlene, don't bother, he’s made his mind up and it'll take a while for him to forget about it, ” another voice came from behind Sirius. 

“But--”

“There’s nothing we can do...” Remus said. He placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and gently pulled him away from James. “Are you okay?” 

Sirius didn't know what to say. First, he hadn't been accepted onto the Quidditch team even though he had worked so hard for so many years to always be on the team. Second, Remus was stood in front of him, his should was being touched by Remus, his eyes where being looked into by Remus. 

“I... Er...” Sirius mumbled. He began walking up the stairs to his dorm room, not sure why but he felt the need to go there. He was followed by Remus but Marlene stayed in the common room - most likely arguing with James.

As they entered the dorm, Sirius was embraced by a hug from Remus. His face was buried in the other boy's neck and the smell of chocolate and winter filled him with something... A feeling. A feeling of wanting to stay like this forever. To stay with Remus forever. 

“I know how much this meant to you... They need you and when James realises that he’ll come running back to you.” Remus whispered in a calm, warm voice. The voice that Remus only ever spoke to Sirius with. 

They stayed like that for a while, Sirius breathing in the smell of Remus and absorbing his warmth. But they pulled away almost instantly when a red-headed girl burst through the door. 

“Sirius! Oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry!” she said, her voice full of regret. “I didn't think James would be this angry, it was just a silly little thing and I'm so sorry I ruined your friendship and I'm so sorry you aren't on the Quidditch team and it's all my fault!” 

“I’ll give you two some space, ” Remus said and walked out. Though, Sirius really wanted him to stay - he would always want Remus to stay. 

“I’ve probably ruined your year and James’ year and we will definitely lose the Quidditch. Merlin, I'm so sorry, Sirius, if I could take it back I would! I would, I would, I would!” she sat on Remus’ bed and began to cry. “But, I can't take it back! I’m so sorry, I just want to take it back...”

Sirius sat next to her and hugged her. He had known Lily for five years and not once had he ever seen or heard her cry. He could see how sorry she was, it was written all over her face. “Hey, Lils, it's alright. You didn't know this would happen, ” he said. He was still slightly angry with her, but she was crying and what else was he to do than be comforting and kind?

“But, I shouldn't have even--” 

“Don't worry about it, it isn't your fault James is a stubborn bastard, ” he laughed and she did the same - it was shaky and choked but still a laugh. 

They stayed like that for a while. He comforted her, she wiped her tears as they just talked about nothing in particular. It was nice, comfortable and enjoyable. A part of him nearly told her about the kiss he shared with Remus, but a voice in the back of his told him he couldn't tell anyone. 

𝘠𝘰𝘶‘𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭, the voice said. It wasn't his voice, it was his mothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVED this chapter and I hope you did too! 
> 
> When Sirius says “stay...” I imagine him saying it the way Billie Eilish does in her song ‘Bitches Broken Hearts’ (which I think is one of her best and absolutely beautiful). :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to get this out on Remus’ birthday but I hadn't read it over by midnight so that was pretty impossible. :(.

1st December, 1975,

Today was the first Quidditch match of the year and he wasn't playing. It was Gryffindor against Slytherin and it was only a meaningless match, it didn't have any impact on the small Quidditch tournament that took place every year. But the two houses where enemies, it had always been that way and he wished he could participate in taking them down. Sirius hadn't gotten out of bed yet and it was one in the afternoon on a cold Saturday. He longed to be on his broom, flying around the pitch, his name being called out by the commentator and the crowd cheering whenever he did something right. But he couldn't, not this year. But, he was still happy that Regulus was playing, even if they hadn't spoken since the evening that they first arrived in the school. Regulus was a brilliant seeker, he was small but incredibly fast (Sirius thought he was the best seeker the Slytherin’s had ever seen but when he tried to tell James that last year, James said: “oh, but you would say that, he’s your brother.”.)

Remus came bursting into the dormitory where Sirius had been sulking.

“Sirius! You 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 to see this!” Remus bounced onto Sirius’ bed and tried to pull the sleepy boy out of the silky covers. “I found something!” 

“Later, I'm doing something.” 

“Yeah, thinking about how you aren't in the Quidditch team. I get it, you're upset but laying on your ass won't do anyone any good! Now, c’mon, get up ‘cuz I need to show you something!” Remus continued to tug at Sirius until eventually, he gave in. Sirius threw on a sweatshirt and followed Remus down the stairs and out of the common room. 

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked.

“Wait... Right here.” they stopped in front of a wall. 

“Wow. This is unlike any wall in the entire castle! It's gorgeous. Love it.” Sirius said sarcastically. He turned on his heel but before he started to walk away, he heard something. He couldn't describe it, almost as if something was being etched into a stone. He turned back and saw a door had appeared. “What the bloody--”

“C’mon!” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand and pulled him into the room. Remus quickly let go of his hand and rushed over to the black velvet sheet that was hung up, hiding something. Remus pulled it off and revealed a mirror. “Look into it!”

Sirius walked over and did as Remus said. All he saw was Remus stood next to him. “Okay? All I see is you.”

“Okay, look again, ” Remus said as he moved beside the mirror. Sirius looked again. Remus was still in the reflection. He looked closer and saw their hands were intertwined and they both had purple marks across their necks. He felt his heart drop. He had wanted to kiss Remus ever since the night of his birthday, but he didn't know what that meant. And this mirror... It showed something he would never have imagined. It was somewhat scary. 

"What do you see?" Remus asked, startling Sirius. 

“What is this?” Sirius wouldn't answer, he felt too uncomfortable. 

“Dunno. I...” Remus stopped and wrapped his arms around himself. “I saw us.” He whispered. 

“Me too...” Sirius whispered back, scared that someone would hear. The room was empty apart from them and that mirror, but the fear of someone hearing it was too much. He knew that nobody else would hear, maybe he was worried that the voice in his head - his mothers stern, cruel voice - would overhear this private conversation. 

“Look, ” Remus said loudly, almost as if to drown out the last few spoken words. He pointed to the words engraved at the top of the mirror. “At first I thought it could be Latin but now I'm not so sure.”

“Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi?” Sirius read out, confused. “Maybe there's some kind of hidden meaning? Sounds like a load of rubbish, if you ask me though.” He didn't want to know what it meant, it frightened him. He was still with Mary and had been since July, yet, the mirror showed him with Remus. Holding hands. Was it showing them as a couple? It made him curious but at the same time, he wasn't interested in what it meant. 

Still, Remus stood there, the corners of his mouth pulled up ever so slightly and Sirius wanted to kiss them. To push him against the wall and kiss him. To hold him once again and be close to him. 

But he didn't. He didn't do any of that. He stayed where he was, afraid to move and to make eye contact with the only other person in the room. 

“I think I'll look in a few books, see what it says. You can... You can join me if you want...” Remus said, his voice low and partly whispering. 

“I would, but I have to meet Marlene after the match. We’re gonna go to Hogsmeade.” Sirius half-lied. He was going to go with Marlene to Hogsmeade today but not until four o'clock, though Remus didn't need to know that. 

“Oh... Are you two...?”

“Together? Merlin, Remus, no!” Sirius chuckled, feeling desperate to leave this mysterious room. “I’m still with Mare.”

“Have you ever been in this room?” Remus asked, clearing not wanting Sirius to leave yet. 

“Nope, never. It's not on the map, is it? I’ve never seen it on there, “ he picked at the sleeve of his sweatshirt. A wave of realisation washed over him: it wasn't his sweatshirt, it was Remus’. “Oh, sorry for wearing your jumper...” 

“Don’t worry, looks pretty good on you,” Remus said calmly. Sirius wanted to go and kiss him right there or take the jumper off right away and give it back even though he was topless underneath or just keep it, never give it back and sleep in it. 

“I’ll go change it, ” Sirius mumbled, knowing that now was the perfect time for him to escape the room. He sprinted back to his room and gasped for breathe as he sat on his bed. He buried his face in Remus’ sweatshirt for a moment or two and then tossed it off, uneasy. 

He got back into bed, his mind flooded with confusion. 

What did the mirror mean? Sirius hadn't been able to get Remus out of his head since the kiss that occurred nearly a month ago, but seeing them as a couple, hands linked into each others, seemed alarming. He wanted to kiss Remus again - oh, how he wished he could - but never once had it crossed his mind about them being 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. He remembered what Marlene said to him: “𝘐‘𝘮 𝘨𝘢𝘺.“. It was so simple for her, she was so sure. Did this mean 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳 too? 

Sirius was buried deep in his thoughts, he was being drowned in them when Lily burst through the door almost like how Remus had done ten minutes ago but she was worried and looked desperate for something. 

“Sirius! Come quick!” she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him off his bed. He was wearing his old Quidditch sweatshirt now. 

“Calm down, woman. What's up?” he asked, trying to steady the cold girl. 

“It’s Regulus! He-- he fell off his broom!” she huffed. The colour drained from his no longer smirking face. He felt his stomach drop and his hands began to shake slightly. “Come on!” she tugged at his hand again but he began running before she could. He ran off to the Infirmary where a group of students were gathered by the door; he used passed them roughly, not caring who he hurt in the process. 

Regulus was laying unconscious, surrounded by a few Slytherins he hung out with (though, Sirius wouldn't say they were friends with Reg, just some people who hung around with him because their family was famous for being dark wizards). Madam Pomfrey was attending to a few other students but Regulus, in Sirius’ opinion, was clearly the worst one. He got closer to the boy, shoving the small Slytherin’s out of his way and sat on the edge of the hospital bed; he took his brother’s hand, it was still cold from the wintery weather outside and squeezed it. He closed his eyes and sighed, 𝘐𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘳, he said to himself. 

Madam Pomfrey came over and told Sirius that Regulus had a fractured spine and broken leg, he had landed on his back when a bludger came too close to his head and he fell off his broom trying to dodge it. She could fix it easily, but Reg would need to stay where he was for a few days to make a full recovery. This made Sirius feel a lot better, his brother was going to be okay. 

But he didn't feel better for much longer. He saw James, Remus, Dorcas and Peter run through the infirmary, Dorcas in front. They headed to a bed at the end of the room and Sirius followed them, worried but intrigued. 

It was only when he saw Marlene, laying still, that he realised what had happened. She’d fallen off too and, by the look of it, she had it worse than Reg. 

“What happened?!” Sirius demanded, turning to James. 

“She got hit by the bludger your brother dodged, ” Mary said coldly. 

“Is she... Is she okay?” Sirius asked nervously. He couldn't help feeling as if this was partly his fault. He hadn't seen the match, he was in his bed when it happened, but by the way everyone was glaring at him, he felt as if they were placing the blame on him. The only person who didn't stare at Sirius with a slight look of anger, was Remus. 

“She’ll be fine in a week, ” Madam Pomfrey said from behind him. “Her skull’s fractured and she's broken both of her legs from the fall, but it's nothing I cannot heal.”

“Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, ” Lily smiled, in the soft, prefect-y way she does. The woman left them to attend to yet another player who had taken some damage. 

“See, she's okay, ” James said, his voice full of relief as he rubbed Dorcas’ back gently. It suddenly occurred to Sirius that only James and he knew about Dorcas and Marlene, the others only thought they were best friends. 

“I’ll be back in a second, I should probably go and check on Reg again, ” Sirius said in a hushed voice, worried that the others would judge him for going to make sure Regulus was okay. 

“I don't know why you care so much about him, “ Mary said, her voice aggravated, “he's a prejudice little twat.” 

A gasp came from each person surrounding Marlene’s bed as those cruel words escaped Mary’s mouth. Sirius clenched his hands into fists, a few knuckles cracking in the process, and tightened his jaw. His eyes stayed on her, burning holes into the eyes he was staring into. He was ready to fight her, ready to punch the air out of her for the words she had uttered about his brother. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯‘𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘢 girl, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯‘𝘵, the voice I'm the back of his head said but he drowned it out.

Luckily, before he could do anything to hurt his girlfriend, Reus took his arm and led him towards Regulus. The other Slytherin boys had left so it was only Remus and Sirius who were beside the still asleep boy. 

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, sitting on a chair. 

“Yeah, I s’pose, ” Sirius replied, sitting in the spot he had before. He took Reg’s hand again.

“She shouldn't have said that, ” Remus said and Sirius nodded, unsure of what to say to that. “You looked like you were guh-guh-gonna hit her.” Remus stuttered. 

“I thought I was, I was ready to. She pisses me off so much, I don't even know why I'm still with her when all I can think about is k--” Sirius stopped himself before he could say something to Remus he wasn't ready to say. He had to think about how to save it, how make it not seem suspicious. “When all I can think about is my OWL’s and my friendship with James.”

“Oh, about that, I'm assuming that if you and James aren't mates again by the Christmas holidays you won't go to his?” Remus questioned. 

“I guess not. No way I'll go to my house so I'll be here, just like last year.” Sirius sighed, his eyes on the ground. 

“I have a better idea... My mum asked me to come home this Christmas, I dunno why but she did. How about... How about you come too?”

Sirius felt a smile crawl across his face and his entire body felt warmer. His stomach filled with the same fluttery feeling as it had that night in the Library and that night in his bed. He would say yes a thousand times if it meant he could spend time with Remus. Alone.

However, before he could answer, a small noise came from the injured boy lying in the bed. Regulus rolled over and squeezed Sirius’ hand. 

“Reg!” Sirius beamed, glad his brother was okay. 

“Yes, that's me, ” Regulus smirked as he blinked at the bright hospital lights above him. “What happened?”

“You fell off your broom, you wanker, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

“Merlin, I don't even remember, ” 

“You wouldn't, you fell like fifty feet, “ 

They spent fifteen minutes talking, Remus snuck away at some point but Sirius didn't even realise. 

\--

4th December, 1975,

Three nights ago, Remus suffered a pretty bad full moon. He hadn't had one like that in quite some time and he was in the hospital for two nights. Marlene was still in the infirmary, she was awake and hated being in there - “𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 being 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘥!” she told him when he visited her the day before. Regulus was out and back to ignoring Sirius.

Sirius had been avoiding Mary and it was working. She wouldn't go up to him but if she happened to be sat near him during meal times or she was walking past him in the Library, she would mumble an apology, though it didn't seem as if she meant it to Sirius. He thought he could continue ignoring her for a few days and maybe she would get the hint that he didn't want to be with her any more. The last thing he wanted to do was to go up to her and tell her he was breaking up with her, he would have to see her get upset and look her dead in the eye as she teared up. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘺, he said to himself when he was considering telling her one night in the common room, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

That night when Remus came out of the infirmary and went straight to bed, Sirius had a plan. He would sneak out to get some chocolate - somehow, Remus managed to get through the twenty bars in less than a week, Sirius never understood how he didn't gain any weight from the amount of chocolate stuffed into his mouth - and then give it to Remus. He would tell him that he was up for going to the Lupin’s house for Christmas and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to kiss Remus. 

It seemed slightly far-fetched but why not try? It would show Remus that Sirius had wanted another kiss and that he didn't mind (actually craved) them kissing on a more regular basis like Marlene and Dorcas. 

So, when Remus came into the room, Sirius threw the Invisibility Cloak on, snuck into Honeydukes and took several of their finest chocolate. He entered the dorm room again, James and Peter were asleep and he noticed the clock upon the wall. It read 11:35. It was late and he knew Remus would want nothing more than to sleep, he would be exhausted. But, Sirius also knew that he would definitely love some chocolate.

Sirius stuck his hand through the curtains of Remus’ bed as he had a few months ago and waited for Remus to take it. When he did, Sirius poked his smirking head through and asked if he could sit there for a moment, Remus agreed, more than happy to see the chocolate (𝘖𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦‘𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘛𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯.).

“So, why the chocolate?” Remus asked, tearing into the bar and applying a quick silencing charm around the four-poster-bed. 

“The moon. It was a pretty shitty one, right?” Remus nodded. “I thought you'd like some, I guess, you're always happier with a bar of chocolate shoved in your mouth.”

“True. Thanks, Sirius, you didn't need to, though.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to, ” 

“Well, fanks.” 

“Anything for you, Moons, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. Remus blushed and looked down and the wrapper in his hands. “Oh, by the way, I'd love to come to yours for Christmas.”

“Really? I thought you'd say no...” Remus said as he looked back up at Sirius, shocked. 

Sirius was sat about two feet away from Remus so if he wanted to kiss him, he would have to learn in. That wasn't an issue, of course, but Sirius did think that Remus might lean back and avoid him. But, how would he know what would happen if he didn't try? Remus 𝘸𝘢𝘴 the one who kissed Sirius first, so surely he wouldn't have a problem if Sirius went to kiss Remus again. 

So he pleased in. Slowly, as if they had all the time in the world (at this point, they did. They wouldn't have to worry about how long left the had with each other because there simply wasn't a need to). As Sirius grew closer and closer to Remus’ lips, he felt himself becoming more anxious.

But that feeling disappeared seconds later when Remus grabbed the back of Sirius’ neck and pulled him into the kiss. They kissed and they kissed and they kissed. It became more heated by the moment. Sirius was pushing himself into it and letting Remus push himself into it too; Sirius carefully crawled on top of the no longer timid boy, his hands on Remus’ warm shoulders. Remus’ hands wondered down and onto Sirius’ hips and as quick as a blink of an eye, they flipped positions: Remus was on the top and Sirius, stunned, laid on the bottom. Remus, who was now in full control, raised the other boy's hands and pinned them above Sirius’ head. 

Sirius was incredibly surprised at Remus’ sense of control in this, it intrigued him, it turned him on. Remus was now kissing his neck and Sirius was gazing up at the ceiling, unable to move but not wanting to either. He didn't want it to stop and Remus wasn't going to top any time soon. 

But he did. He stopped when they heard someone get up and go into the bathroom. He stopped and Sirius sat up as quick as he could, worried that someone might look in and see Remus, pinning Sirius down on the bed and sucking on his neck. He sat up and Remus did the same. They stayed there, in silence, waiting for either James or Peter to finish using the bathroom and get back into bed. 

When they did, the two boys didn't continue, they looked at each other in silence. 

“That was... Uh... That was close, ” Sirius said, filling the dark, empty silence. 

“Yeah...” Remus signed. Sirius wanted to kiss him again but not like last time. He wanted to do it gently, calmly, slowly, passionately. He shuffled forwards, closer to Remus and smiled. 

“Can I...?” Sirius asked.

“Shut up, ” Remus grinned and kissed Sirius. It was what he wanted, passionate and gentle but still strong enough to take over his entire body. They weren't touching, though, their hands were glued to their sides until Remus lifted his hand and placed it delicately on the left side of Sirius’ face, rubbing his cheek slowly with his thumb. 

Remus pulled away first, keeping his hand where it was. Sirius didn't open his eyes, he lifted his hand and touched Remus’ on his face. 

“I’ve wanted this since my birthday, ” Sirius whispered, opening his eyes and looking back at the boy who was gaping back at him. 

“I’ve wanted this since... Since third year. I think I've always wanted this, from that moment you stepped into the compartment, all cocky with that stupid grin on your face.”

Sirius laughed. 

“Are you... Are you still with Mary?” 

“I don't want to be. I've been ignoring her, I think she gets the point by now.” 

“What about Marlene?”

“What 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 Marlene?” Sirius asked confused, his brows furrowed. 

“You two are... Close.”

“Yes, like you and Lily. Like James and Dorcas. We’re friends, 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 friends, and nothing more.” 

“Oh... Sorry. It's just Mary said something to me about how she had a feeling you were cheating on her with--”

“Marlene wouldn't do that to Mary and neither would I.” Sirius defended. He didn't know why he was getting so frustrated, but he didn't know why Remus had to bring this up. 

“But you did. You kissed me.” 

“Sorry?” 

“You kissed me, knowing that you were still with Mary.”

“You kissed me. That night on my birthday, you kissed me. I asked you to stay because I felt lonelier than I had at my fucking house ever since James stopped being my friend. I didn't invite you into my bed for you to kiss me.”

“But if you're still with--”

“Do you want me to break up with her 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 so I can kiss you again?! Do you want me to stare Mary in the eyes and tell her I'm breaking up with her for ‘no reason’ just so I can come back and snog you?” 

“No, Sirius, that's not what I meant--”

“Then, what do you mean? You basically say I'm cheating on Mary because I'm kissing you, but you 𝘥𝘰𝘯‘𝘵 want me to break up with her. What 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 that you want?”

“Nothing; I don't want anything. Go back to your own bed if you want to, Sirius.” Remus rolled his eyes. It wasn't a suggestion, but Remus was too kind to tell Sirius to get out of his bed and leave him alone. 

So he did. Sirius got up and went back to his bed. He didn't sleep that night because he knew he had to break up with Mary if he wanted to kiss Remus again. But what did it mean? What did it mean to want to kiss Remus? He didn't like 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴. He knew he didn't, but there was something about Remus that made him feel the way he wanted to feel to feel about Marlene last year; he wanted to love her but he couldn't. He wants to love Mary but he can't. He doesn't want to love Remus, 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯‘𝘵... But maybe he does?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is so comforting to me and I don't know why I'm saying this but I am... 
> 
> I hope y'all are enjoying reading this fic as much as I enjoy reading it! :).


	16. Remus’ Bedroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of drugs and alcoholism in this! 
> 
> I absolutely adore this chapter and I hope y'all do too! <3

21st December, 1975,

He broke up with Mary on the sixth, he knew it was the right thing to do. Remus was right, he couldn't be kissing other people (even if other people were Remus and only Remus) and still be with Mary, it wasn't a decent thing to do. Nonetheless, it was hard, she cried and told him to stay and how she would do anything for him and Sirus told her that it wasn't a good thing to do since he didn't love her.   
Now that he was a single man, he had one less thing to worry about. 

He managed to get Peter to start talking to him again but Dorcas wouldn't. She said: “You really hurt James and if I just become your friend again, it'll hurt him even more.” and Sirus suspected she was right. He also told Dorcas that he was okay with her and Marlene and how he was extremely happy for them. 

Sirius told Marlene everything that happened as soon as she was out of the infirmary and she was speechless, she didn't expect anything like that to have happened. She also gave him some advice: “wait until you're out of school and at his house, then you can kiss him again and do whatever the bloody hell you want to him, ”. So, he did, he waited and waited and waited. It felt like agony, knowing that Remus was sleeping in the next bed, knowing that Remus was alone somewhere and no one would be able to see them if they kissed. But Sirius had a strong feeling he was ignoring him. He’d been doing extra rounds on the castle after hours and going to study a whole lot more. 

But they were now outside the Lupin cottage in Wales, waiting for Remus’ mother, Hope, to open the door. 

“Is she in?” Sirius asked, knocking for a second time. 

“Must be, her cars in the driveway and she hates going on walks around here, says it's always muddy.”

“Is it?”

“Yup. You have to wear bloody wellies if you wanna go on to the shop down the road. I dunno why she isn't opening the door, it's five in the afternoon.”

“Maybe she’s asleep? Do you keep a spare key somewhere?” 

“Oh!” Remus said as if he had just remembered something incredibly important - which he did. He walked around the side of the house and found a gnome, Sirius stood in awe watching the younger boy life up the little stone ornament and took a key out from underneath.

“Isn't that risky? What if someone just decided to look under that thing?” Sirius asked, fascinated by the small muggle things.

“No ones gonna look under it. And it's called a gnome, it's like the ones we learnt about in Magical Beasts in our second year but these aren't savages, ” Remus chuckled as he tried to unlock the door. 

They walked into the small, dark cottage. It was unlike anything Sirius had ever seen, there wasn't any magic in sight, no house elf or charm doing the dishes and no feeling of mystery and magic in the air. Sirius couldn't explain it, magic has a sort of scent, an emotion so recognisable he reckons he could pick out a wizard or a witch just by smell - Remus would have told him he was going mad or that Sirius had a ‘werewolf sense of smell’. But, he did admire muggle things, they were far more interesting than wizard things. This small, elegant house was the most beautiful place Sirius could have ever imagined, plants where everywhere, filling up every corner of the room and paintings scattered across the walls. It was chaotic but still extraordinarily calm. When Sirius thought this place couldn't get any better, he remembered that Remus Lupin lived here and bad all his life. 

“Do you wanna unpack all your stuff? I should probably go and find my mum, ” Remus smiled and headed upstairs. Sirius followed him, unsure where he would be unloading his trunk. Remus gestures to a room when they reach the top of the stairs and Sirius heads in. 

It's tiny and quaint but lovely all the same. A small, neatly made bed lies in the centre of the room - it's about the only thing that fits in - and a few small shelves on the walls. Sirius looks around at the ornaments and decorations of this space and realises something: it's Remus’ bedroom. 

He wants to explore every nook and cranny of this bedroom and discover the secrets of the Remus that only comes out when he is at that school. It's thrilling to know that Sirius was being invited to stay in a place that Remus had spent so much time in. He sits on the bed, careful to make sure nothing moves and that he doesn't disrupt it in any way and looked down at the chunky silver rings on his fingers. He waits patiently, taking in every aspect of the room, for Remus to return.

When Remus came back, he had a single tear on his cheek. The moment Sirius noticed it, he stood up and embraced the younger boy in a hug. 

“What happened?” Sirius asked, his voice hushed.

“Just my mum, nothing important?” Remus whispered, still hugging Sirius back. 

“It's your mum, it’s gotta be important. Tell me, Moons, you know you can trust me.”

“She’s passed out in her bed with a few bottles of wine and... And some drugs of some sort. I dunno, she promised me she wouldn't do it anymore, she promised me.” Remus choked.

Sirius held him tighter and they didn't say anything. His shoulder was wet after a minute or two but he didn't mind, he liked being the one Remus trusted enough to cry in front of. They didn't say anything more, they didn't need to.   
\--

That night, they walked down to the local fish and chips shop and are it on a park bench. Remus mentioned that they would have to share a bed since they don't a spare one but Sirius assured him that he didn't mind (he was actually very happy to do this, a whole two weeks of sharing a bed with Remus sounded like heaven to him and now that he had broken up with Mary, there wouldn't be anything to stop them from spending their entire time snogging). 

But it didn't go the way Sirius wanted it to. Remus was tired and upset about his mother so they didn't kiss, but Sirius pulled Remus onto his chest the way he did with Marlene once while they were dating. It was easy and felt amazing when Remus wrapped his long arms around Sirius’ waist. It was cosy and warm despite the bone-chilling coldness outside. 

Remus’ head lay comfortably on Sirius’ chest and their arms were fastened across each other, just holding the other and making them feel important. They didn't need to say anything, there wasn't a point because the silence was so soothing and satisfying. They slept like that, not moving and unable to let go of each other. 

Sirius didn't know what he was feeling but he didn't want it to go away, it was strange but he really enjoyed it. He loved it. He loved being around Remus, being in his company. He loved being friends with Remus. He loved  
(𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴)  
the feeling of someone wanting to be near him. 

\--

December 24th, 1975

Remus had forced Sirius to do some of his homework today - “𝘖𝘯 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘌𝘷𝘦?“ 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘥. “𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, “ 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬. “𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.” 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 - and they were now cuddling in bed, Remus still reading. 

Remus was laying in between Sirius’ legs and Sirius wrapped his arms over Remus’ long, perfect body. They were reading some muggle book called 𝘓𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘞𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 and Sirus didn't understand it very well but he pretending to just to make Remus happy. They spent most of their time in that bed, wrapped in each other. 

“Can we go to sleep now?” Sirius whined when he glanced at the clock. It was midnight. “Moons, Merry Christmas, ” he whispered, kissing the top of Remus’ brown curls. 

“Merry Christmas, baby, ” Remus whispered back, closing his book. A look of shock passed across both of their faces. “Sorry, I didn't mean to call you that...” 

“Don't worry, I like it, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

Remus shifted over so he was facing Sirius. He noticed that Moony was holding his breath but didn't say anything. Remus kissed Sirius’ neck gently and began moving down his chest. The boy on the top was gripping Sirius’ hips now as he slowly made his way down Sirius” stomach. 

“Moons, what-- oh!” Sirius realised.

Half an hour later, Sirius and Remus were snogging again. Every time was just as surprising as the first and he didn't want it ever to stop because Remus’ lips against his was something new. It was different but in a calming, addictive way. He could never get enough and he didn't think Remus could either. 

They were sat on the bed at twenty-five to one in the morning, lips glued together. They had their legs and arms wrapped firmly around each other. 

“Merlin, why’re you such a good kisser?” Sirius asked in-between kisses. 

“I’m just better at snogging than girls... Guys always kiss better, “ Remus grinned. 

“Are they? I’ll have to kiss more guys, then, ” 

“I don't think so, you're only allowed to kiss me, “

“Is that so, Moons?” Sirius raised a questionable eyebrow.

“Yup, you kiss me or you don't kiss anyone, okay?” 

“Kiss me then, fucker, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

“Don’t ‘ave to ask me twice, ” Remus smiled and kissed Sirius. 

It was one o'clock before they finally fell asleep. 

\--

Sirius and Remus some up early in the morning by a loud knocking on their door. 

“Boys! Wakey, wakey!” Hope Lupin called to them in a cheery voice. She had spent most of her time in her room and Sirius had spoken less than five words to her even though he’d been there for almost five days. Sirius and Remus moved apart as quickly as they could, not wanting Hope to find them tangled together. She came into the room and stood above the yawning boys. “Merry Christmas, boys!”

“Has that man come? What's his name, Moons?” Sirius asked.

“Santa? You mean Santa?” Remus snickered at Sirius’ pureblood-ness. Sirius returned with a small nod, visibly embarrassed. “He... He doesn't come here.”

“What? Isn't he supposed to come into every muggle house? Lily tried to explain it to me but it sounds like a bunch of old shit to me.” 

“Yeah, he is. But I guess he just doesn't come here, ” 

“Oh, because you aren't a muggle?” Sirius questioned, looking at the boy lying beside him. Remus nodded, blushing furiously. Sirius was still confused but he decided it was better not to ask any questions right now. 

“You call Remus ‘Moons’?” Hope asked, furrowing her brows at him. 

“Oh yeah, it's just a nickname. James and Pete call him Moony but I'm the only one who calls him Moons. My special name for this git, ” Sirius smirked. That Sirius Black smirk. 

“Hmm... Okay. Well, I'm making breakfast if you boys want some.” she walked out without another word. 

“Did I do something wrong? She seems angry at me...” Sirius whispered to Remus once Hope closed the door. 

“You didn't, she just hates any mention of my lycanthropy or the moon. Bit dramatic really, now that I was bitten nearly ten years ago.”

“I think it makes you cool. You turn into a werewolf every month, its pretty great, if you ask me.”

“Pretty great that I turn into a vicious, murderous beast? Pretty cool that I could rip you apart if I caught even a glimpse of you?” 

“You aren't a beast, you're my Moons.” Sirius smiled softly and went to kiss Remus but he moved away. 

“I wish you would stop pretending that I'm not a monster. I’ve come to live with it but I know what I am.”

“Remus, listen: one night a month, the werewolf takes over. The rest of the month, you're my Moony, the nerdy, sarcastic twat that would die for a bar of chocolate. The wolf 𝘪𝘴𝘯‘𝘵 you and you 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯‘𝘵 the wolf. I don't care what you are for twelve nights in a year, I care about who you are during the moments in between.”

Remus’ expression softened and he turned away from Sirius to face the wall. Sirius knew the words made Remus upset, the good kind of upset, so he wrapped his hands around Remus’ waist and hugged him from behind. 

“I meant what I said, “ Sirius whispered gently as he cuddled Remus as close and tight as he could. 

“I know... I lo-- thank you, ” Remus whispered back.

“𝘉𝘖𝘠𝘚!” Hope yelled for them right when their lips touched. Sirius leapt and pushed Remus away. 

“Merlin, she scared the bloody shit out o’ me, ” Sirius laughed as they got out of bed. 

“I could tell, you jumped a fucking mile away from me, “ Remus smiled. 

Sirius instantly felt sorry, he just explained that he cared so much about Remus but then he moved as far away as he could when he thought Hope might have caught them. He didn't want anyone knowing about them, it was nice to have a secret that only he and Remus knew and he didn't want anyone else to know. There was also the fear that someone might think he was 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘳 and he wasn't; he liked girls, that was very true but he couldn't help but feel drawn to Remus like a magnet. 

“Sorry, I just--” Sirius began.

“Hey, I know. Don't worry about it, it's okay, ” Remus cut in. He didn't sound like it was okay to Sirius. He would have to make it up to Remus. 

\--

They had breakfast and opened a few presents (Sirius realised that the season that Santa man doesn't come to them was because the Lupins didn't have a lot of money.), Sirius received a small gift from Remus just as he always did and he gave Remus one - he also gave one to Hope but she didn't have on for him, not that he minded. They are pancakes and all went for a walk in wellies just as Remus said they would have to but they spent most of the day the same as the others: sitting in the living room listening to music and Remus reading. 

Although it wasn't the most exciting Christmas’ Sirius had ever experienced, it was in his top four along with the ones spent at the Potter’s house. He loved it so much. Hope softened up a little after some time but she said she was tired when they got back from their walk and she went back to bed. Privately, Sirius knew she wasn't doing very well, she looked tired even though she spent so much of her time asleep, big dark circles traced her eyes and she seemed constantly out-of-breathe. He didn't think Remus noticed though and Sirius decided it wasn't the best idea to tell him. It all made sense now, Hope asked Remus to come home for Christmas because she wanted to spend time with him just in case something bad happened. It broke his heart to see Remus so oblivious. 

He did make it up Remus that night, as he told himself he would but it was Remus who took charge - not a surprise to Sirius after spending four days in each other company. It was the best thing Sirius had ever experienced, gentle but rough, slow but as quick as humanly possible. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to move for a few days afterwards. Sure, he’d slept with Marlene twice and Mary five times, but Remus was like a different breed. He knew three things once they finished: That was the best sex Sirius had ever had, Remus so bloody attractive and he would die for Remus a million times over.


End file.
